Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XIV)

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Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:31 am


 
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at everyone. "The train ride                  

Julia, wasn't sure how to work your idea in.

Spoiler:
I was thinking that in the retelling, since the train ride was nearly over, Harry is now looking pensieve I guess because he's remembering about being nervous and excited to get to Hogwarts that first time? So the train gets to Hogsmeade and Harry ends the retelling and our story saying something reflective/wistful/??? about starting Hogwarts???


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Story#134

Post  Julia H. on Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:41 am

was soon over and we

PAH wrote: Julia, wasn't sure how to work your idea in.

Never mind. I have thought Harry would be reminded of Albus Severus who is on his first journey to Hogwarts at the moment and he might wonder how Albus is making his first acquaintances at the school etc. But I like your idea, too.

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Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:46 am


 
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arrived at Hogsmeade. I couldn't

Julia, I'm sure they'll be a way to make a reference to ASP
and his similar experience at some point soon.
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Story #134

Post  Verity Weasley on Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:34 am

wait to get into Hogwarts

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Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:45 am


 
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and start learning some magic.
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Story #134

Post  Verity Weasley on Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:49 am

But I was also really

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Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:00 am


 
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happy to have a friend

Hi, Verity! Since this story's almost finished, it's time for
you to start thinking of the next idea, since you are far and away
the poster with the most posts!


Spoiler:
Poor guy, never really had any, did he? *sniff*

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Story #134

Post  Verity Weasley on Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:21 am

to share it with. I

I might have to draw on one of the ideas Julia posted on the FFF thread, being a bit bereft of creativity at the moment. I know there were some really good ones - I just have to try and remember what they were!

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Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:51 am


 
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'd always been alone before."

Ginny


She's been very quiet of late, so I thought we should hear from
her again. Can you tell I'm a Ginny fan?


I know I saved the last posts of the FFF on the night of the 14th. But I don't know which laptop they're on, or in which doc! Maybe, if Julia posts again, she could give a recap? Or maybe, since we're here in our new home, and getting settled and used to the place, maybe our next story has that as a theme, of sorts? Just an idea, as getting used to this place and figuring out some organization things around here has kept me busy over the past few days.

Edit: That got me thinking about 12 GP. In one of our past stories, didn't we have Harry and Ginny and the kids living there? And Dudley and his wife Gertrude come to dinner? And Kreacher worked for them? I wonder how fixing up old 12 GP must've gone, esp. with the portrait of Sirius' mother.


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story 134

Post  Puck on Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:11 pm

leaned over and kissed Harry's

I love the "pigheaded poser" line!




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Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:43 pm


 
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cheek. "You've got us now.

Could this be an ending? What else could we say to end the story
in 2 more posts? Or do we add on some more, again? I'm game.

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Story 134

Post  Puck on Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:08 pm

You'll never be alone again."



I'd say it's done.


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Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:21 pm



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Puck, that sounds like an ending to me. What do you/others think?
Remember to write 'Story #134' in post title. Thanks!

EDIT: Thanks, Puck and BB, for your responses. Okay 3 votes for the story being done work for me! I officially declare this story F I N I S H E D ! It will be up sometime this weekend. I have locked this topic until then. Stay tuned!



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Story #134

Post  Betelgeuse Black on Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:50 pm

OK with me. Going once....
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Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XIV, Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:34 pm


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Five Words: "The Journey From Nine and Three-Quarters:
As Retold by Harry and Company"


"Daddy! Tell that story again!" Lily urged, as the train was gliding out of Platform 9 and 3/4. "The one about your first journey to Hogwarts on the train!"

Harry smiled. He was always ready to recount that happy day when he had begun his adventures in the wizarding world. "Are you sure?" he queried, smiling at Lily, his green eyes twinkling with delight. "You've heard this story at least a dozen times already.

Lily shook Harry's hand. "Come on, let's go to that café over there, across the road. We can have cakes while we're listening to the story."

"Aha!" Harry laughed. "So that's the plan! All right then, let's go. Ron? Hermione? Hugo? Will you join us? It will be nice to reminisce on a day like today."

Hermione looked apologetic. "Sorry, I can't. I've got—"

"Mum, come on," Hugo pleaded, taking Hermione's hand and pulling her towards the Potters.

Ron grabbed her other hand. "Come on, 'Mione. Take a break from work today. It's a big day and you deserve a rest! Besides, those cakes look good and I'm starving!"

Hermione sighed with resignation. "Well, if you insist. I suppose I can."

"Yay!" Hugo and Lily cheered and the small group was chivvied towards the café by the excited youngsters. A few onlookers stared openly at Harry as they made their way towards the colorful display of cupcakes and iced confections in the window.

"What are they staring at, Dad?" asked Lily.

Harry looked around. "It's just that you look so pretty today, everyone is wondering who you are. Someone might even ask you for your autograph, you know."

"Harry," Ginny chuckled, "we don't want her getting fussy about her looks, do we?" But Lily had already started rummaging in her pockets, looking for a comb.

After choosing some cakes and ordering some pots of tea, the small group settled into a cozy corner of the café and Lily said, "Okay, Dad, we're ready. Tell the story now!"

"Well," Harry began, "as you know, my aunt and my uncle didn't approve of me going to Hogwarts at all. Grudgingly, they took me to King's Cross to get the train, but I had to find the platform myself. I was totally flummoxed and got a really weird look from the train guard when I asked him where platform 9 and 3/4 was. I hung around a while, looking this way and that, when I saw this family walking along. All of them had trunks and there was an owl in a cage tweeting loudly."

"Yeah," Ron interrupted, "that was a bit of a bother, trying to keep that owl quiet."

"Anyway," Harry continued, "I knew at once that the family, redheads all, must've been heading for the Hogwarts Express. Your Gran saying '... packed with Muggles' just confirmed it, as did your Mum saying-"

"Nine and three quarters!" Ginny chimed in, beaming. "I was so disappointed I wasn't going, yet again."

"Oi, how come Mum always asked you that?" Ron asked, his brows furrowed.

"I dunno," Ginny mused. "I think she just wanted me to feel involved, because I was always left behind."

"Like me," Lily said, looking at Ginny, with sympathy. "Poor Mum, having to stay behind while everyone went away. At least I've got Hugo to keep me company."

"So what did you do then?" Hugo asked Harry.

"Right, where was I? Oh yes, so I approached Gran and said, 'Excuse me.' I didn't know what to do, and she could sense I needed help, so just gave me simple, yet unbelievable, instructions to follow. She told me to run straight into the wall. At the time I had very little experience with magic. Strange things had happened to me before, but I couldn't believe I could just walk through a wall! That's how I first met your grandmother. Her kindness made me feel like I'd found the place I belonged. She urged me to go through with Ron, so I wasn't alone when I tried. The wall just seemed to melt away as I ran through it, and then I saw a platform full of people and the gleaming, red Hogwarts Express puffing out streams of cloudy white steam. Everything looked... well, magical. It was like a dream came to life right in front of me."

Harry broke off, his eyes wandering out to the platform as though in search of his lost, eleven-year-old self. Then he turned to the others and smiled. "It must be strange to you when you've grown up knowing all about magic, but I was over-awed, like when I visited Diagon Alley with Hagrid for the first time. Anyway, I got on the train, and that's when I first got the chance to really speak to witches and wizards my own age, not counting Draco Malfoy, of course."

Harry was interrupted by the arrival of their order.

"Who ordered the chocolate sponge with custard?" Hermione asked, as she helped the waitress unload the tray.

"Oh, that's mine," Ron said eagerly. "But don't worry, I'll still have room for lunch."

"Oh, I'm sure you will, Dad," Hugo chuckled. "You always do."

Hermione handed around cups of tea after everyone had received their pastries, and Harry resumed his story.

"I was trying to hoist my trunk on to the train, but I couldn't manage it on my own. Luckily, your Uncle George was there to help - along with his twin, your Uncle Fred." Harry stopped for a moment, exchanging a glance with Ginny, Ron and Hermione as they all remembered their fun-loving brother and friend.

The children however, were impatiently waiting for Harry to continue his story. Lily nudged Harry's hand. "What happened after you got on the train, Dad?"

Harry smiled fondly. "Well, I sat down next to the window and your Uncle Ron—"

"My dad, you mean," Hugo interrupted, nudging Ron, who smiled and nodded, his mouth full of sponge pudding.

"I was on the platform crying," Ginny interjected. "I was upset about not getting a chance to meet Harry."

"There was I, thinking you were upset about me leaving!" Ron said, swallowing hard. "Everyone was trying to comfort you. Remember how George promised to send you a toilet seat from Hogwarts?"

"Yes, I remember," Ginny smiled.

"Did you really get one?" Hugo asked, wide-eyed.

Ginny laughed, "No, Mum would've had a fit!"

Everyone nodded, smiling.

Harry said, "I never imagined at the lengths the twins would go just to make someone laugh. I'd never known a family that was so loving and caring.

Me and Ron instantly took to each other. He sat in the seat opposite me and it wasn't long before we were having an interesting conversation. I felt so stupid since I knew nothing about the wizarding world, except what I'd picked up from Hagrid. Ron was amazed at how easily I said Voldemort's name and my general ignorance about things like moving pictures."

"You mean the ones on the Chocolate Frog cards?" asked Lily eagerly.

"Yes," Harry smiled. "The first card I got was Dumbledore. D'you remember, Ron? I was so surprised when Dumbledore just wandered off when I wasn't looking."

Ron swallowed another mouthful of chocolate pudding and grinned. "I thought you must've been joking when you said that," he replied. "I couldn't understand how anyone would expect him to hang around all day."

"Okay, okay," Harry said. "With a Dad like yours, I'm surprised you knew next to nothing about such things."

"Then what happened?" Hugo asked impatiently.

"Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans are what happened next," Harry laughed. "I tasted as many different flavours as I could. It was tremendous fun trying to decide what color matched each flavor. Ron refused to try a gray one—"

"With good reason!" Ron insisted. "It looked exactly like a Doxy dropping! Who'd want to eat that? Harry was mad to try that one - but he did buy nearly everything off the trolley, so I guess he wanted to taste every single little thing."

"So what did it taste like, Uncle Harry?"

"Pepper," Lily supplied, already familiar with that particular detail.

"Quite tasty, too, as I recall," Harry mused.

Ron smiled. "I remember thinking how generous it was of you to share your food with me. I just had a corned beef sandwich that Mum had packed for me."

"But you hate corned beef!" declared Hugo. "Why did Gran give you corned beef?"

Ron shrugged, "She forgot many times… she was always so busy... there were so many of us... I know she meant well. It's hard enough with just two, right Hermione?"

Hermione smiled. "It certainly has its challenges."

Ginny agreed. "I really don't know how Mum 
did it. 'You just adapt,' is what she always said, though boarding school probably helped, now I think about it.
"

They all smiled and nodded.

"So what happened after that?" Lily asked, leaning forward eagerly. 


"After lunch? I think that was when Hermione came in. Neville had lost his toad."

"Oh... right," Hermione said slowly, "Yes, I was helping Neville

 to find it. He was so worried about it, poor love. I'd just met him. He didn't know what to do and I suggested we look in every compartment, up and down the train. When we got to your compartment, Ron was just about to try some kind of spell."

Ron interrupted, "I impressed her with my early magical prowess!"

"Nothing happened to Scabbers, remember?" Hermione giggled. "What exactly were you trying to do to him?"

"You were trying to turn him yellow, as I recall," Harry chimed in, grinning widely.

"That good-for-nothing, traitorous git!" Ron exclaimed. "If I'd known who he was I'd have done more than turn him colors."

"Well, you'd have tried to turn him into a slug but that may not have been the best thing to try. You don't have the best history with slugs after all." Harry and Ron laughed heartily, and Hermione added, "Anyway, your 'magical prowess' was not fully realised at that time, so there wasn't really anything you could've done to the sneaky lowlife anyway."

Ron shrugged but Hugo's eyes were wide. "But you wouldn't need magic, Dad, to teach him a lesson! You could’ve locked him up in a tiny little matchbox for me to keep, inside a strong cage," said Hugo.

"I would've just asked him to stop," Lily announced. Ginny smiled fondly at her daughter, happy that her childhood innocence could be so untouched, thanks to growing up in a world without Voldemort.

"What happened to the toad?" Hugo demanded.

"Hagrid found him later, when we were climbing into the boats," Harry explained. "Your mum was quite talkative on the train, organizing everybody," said Harry, smiling.

"Yeah," Hugo replied. "That sounds like Mum!" He turned to Hermione and beamed proudly at his mother, saying, "You always have the best ideas for how to get the job done!"

Hermione smiled fondly at her son.

"Tell us about those Slytherin boys who barged into your compartment," Lily demanded.

"Oh, yes, Draco and his two goons - how could we leave them out? Draco, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle, barged in, like a trio of trolls. Draco had heard I was on the train and wanted to give me some advice about who my friends should be. I told him, politely of course, that I was perfectly capable of figuring that out for myself. He didn't seem pleased that I hadn't shaken his hand and left Ron, to team up with him!"

"And then?" Lily and Hugo pressed.

"Then Crabbe and Goyle reached for some Chocolate Frogs and Scabbers leapt to their defense. It's strange to still think that Wormtail bit him, disguised as a shabby, lazy rat called Scabbers. Only decent thing that cowardly traitor ever did."

"Too right!" Ron chimed in. "Those three ran off with their tails between their legs."

"Yes, "Hermione laughed. "I remember thinking how ridiculous they seemed, two big oafs zooming down the train corridor after that pigheaded poseur!"

Harry gazed pensively at everyone. "The train ride was soon over and we arrived at Hogsmeade. I couldn't wait to get into Hogwarts and start learning some magic. But I was also really happy to have a friend to share it with. I'd always been alone before."

Ginny leaned over and kissed Harry's cheek. "You've got us now. You'll never be alone again."






 * Five Words – Volume 14 Index * 

 * Five Words - Volumes Index * 

 * Five Words - Main Archives * 
 * Five Words - Stories Index (by topic) * 


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Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XIV, Story #134 stats

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:39 pm


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Statistics for Story 134
ordered by first contribution to the story

  User  
  # of  
  Submissions  
  Potteraholic     123  
  Verity Weasley     161  
  Julia H.     42  
  Betelgeuse Black     17  
  azi     23  
  Mona     38  
  Puck     8  
  dizzy lizzy     2  
The user in red is the rightful starter of the next story. They are welcome to pass on the privilege to the user who posted the second most number of times.

Total Submissions: 414
Total Words: 2,070
Last Submission Date: Apr 22, 2011 8:08 pm (EST). (Puck)
Total Time to Create Story: 2 months, 8 days, 20 hours, 8 minutes.

* Note: The stats are slightly different here from what was published over on World Crossing (WX). When this story started, it was on WX, which was set at Pacific Standard Time (PST). It ended here on forumotion, and the timezone I have set on my account is Eastern Standard Time (EST).

Unfortunately, I did not record the start time for this story, so I am using the publication date for the previous story "Snape's Reports", February 16, 2011, as this story's start date. My reasoning: I started this story, and I usually begin stories the same day a previous story is published. So I used midnight (EST) of February 16th as the start time and April 22nd, 8:08 pm (EST), the date and time of the last post, as the end time. Hence, the length of time it took to write this story is an approximate amount.

On WX, all posts had a post #. This does not seem to be the case here. Therefore, from now on, the post # of the concluding post will no longer be recorded in the official stats. This is the only real difference in the stats from WX and how they will be posted here.






 * Five Words – Volume 14 Index * 

 * Five Words - Volumes Index * 

 * Five Words - Main Archives * 
 * Five Words - Stories Index (by topic) * 


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Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XIV, Story #134 post-story comments

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:40 pm


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Post-Story Comments for Story #134, Volume XIV,
Potty Five Words: "The Journey From Nine and Three-Quarters:
As Retold by Harry and Company"


This story was written from February 16, 2011 to April 22, 2011. Eight writers contributed to the story, which is 2,070 words long. Six of the eight writers posted feedback. All times listed are EST.

- Potteraholic, Apr 24, 2011 2:49 pm: Okay, phew!!! The first story (sorta) of Volume XVI is up! YAY me! bounce Doing the new BBCode formatting took some time, but I wanted to makes the pages look as similar to how they looked over on WX, our home for so long. (I'm really a sentimental pushover, at heart. )

We've never had to carry across a story from one thread to another, but we had no choice this time. I do think we handled the move quite well, even getting some posters from yesteryear returning for a few posts! Hope this trend continues!

I have to go back and check everything now, to make sure everything is just right, and then get to Easter dinner. So I won't be making my post-story comments now, but I will later. I also need to post the comments for the Snape story ... I never got around to that in February. But I encourage every one who posted in this story, or anyone who's just reading the story as a spectator to post any comments you have about the story. Reflection can always help with future story-writing.

Re: the title, I was really stuck with what to call this story. So i cheated, and just used the title JKR used, and added a little something to it. When needs must.

Congrats, Verity! cheers Looking forward to the first five words you choose to start our first start-to-finish-on-this-thread story! Feel free to announce this story on the Chat thread, or wherever. (I saw the Five Words message you posted there when WX closed... thx! )

- Verity Weasley, Apr 24, 2011 3:16 pm: Our first completed story posted in our new home. Yay!

Thanks PAH for getting the story and stats up so quickly. It's hard to believe it took us over two months to complete this story. When I was going through the archives saving our earlier stories, I found stories that were completed in as little as three days! Hopefully the move to our new site will re-energise our little thread.

It was interesting to read the story back all together. It was a reasonable attempt to re-tell the story of Harry's first train journey, in his own words, helped by a few interruptions from Ron, Hermione and Ginny. We included all the major events of the journey, and I think the story was at its best when it was told in shorter bursts of dialogue rather than uninterrupted chunks from Harry. Some bits felt a bit awkward though, like how to refer to Molly Weasley and the twins, and how the adults would discuss Scabbers/Wormtail after all this time. Overall, it was a pleasant story.

Now, on to our new one. I know Julia had some great ideas, and I do remember a couple of them, but I thought perhaps she might like to use them when she next has the chance. Also, I did like PAH's suggestion about a story to tie in with our move here to our new home. So, I imagine this story taking place when Harry and Ginny move into 12 Grimmauld Place, before any kids have come along, but perhaps after they have been married. Presumably they got together fairly quickly after Deathly Hallows. How long do you think before they got married and settled down in their own place?

- Betelgeuse Black, Apr 24, 2011 8:26 pm: "There was I, thinking you were upset about me leaving!" Ron said, swallowing hard. "Everyone was trying to comfort you. Remember how George promised to send you a toilet seat from Hogwarts?"

Shouldn't this read "There I was" instead of "There was I" ?

Otherwise, I think the story is pretty good. I agree the Harry monologues are the best but I like the interaction with the children too.

- Puck, Apr 24, 2011 9:17 pm: I think the story was sweet. We all tend to sit and retell the old stories, so it seemed a natural thing for them to do on that day.

I like this new story idea as well, but someday one about Fred and George discussing DIGS and trying to discovering the truth would be fun!

- Potteraholic, Apr 24, 2011 9:35 pm: Thanks, Verity! I think when stories were
completed in 3 days, a) lots more folks were posting, and b) folks stuck around a bit to post and have posting sprees.
We have neither of those conditions these days, and I think the typical age of a Five Worder these days is a wee bit older
than in those 3-5 days/story days.

Great idea for a story, but then again, I would say that, wouldn't I?

BB, great to see your comment. I hope others follow your example. But no five words to accompany your post?
In five words, the posts in a thread get used up much faster than in most threads, so we try to make the most of each post. On another 'housekeeping' note, could everyone remember to title their posts 'Story #135? Thanks! (I guess I could post another HP ticker at the bottom of my screen page?

BB, I think the sentence you quoted is fine, actually. It's a more informal form of speech, for sure, but I heard that word order being spoken lots of times when I lived in London.

- Betelgeuse Black, Apr 24, 2011 10:22 pm: Now we have conservation of posts? Must I be efficient and resourceful all the time? I can't be Dumbledore all the time! I tend to be more like this...

On my previous comment: I thought the wording sounded awkward from my perspective (Southern US). I don't know how common that wording would be in other areas of the world which is why I asked. I'm ok with it either way.

- Potteraholic, Apr 24, 2011 11:33 pm:
Verity Weasley wrote:1) Hopefully the move to our new site will re-energise our little thread.

2) ... helped by a few interruptions from Ron, Hermione and Ginny. We included all the major events of the journey, and I think the story was at its best when it was told in shorter bursts of dialogue rather than uninterrupted chunks from Harry. Some bits felt a bit awkward though, like how to refer to Molly Weasley and the twins..

3) Now, on to our new one. I know Julia had some great ideas, and I do remember a couple of them, but I thought perhaps she might like to use them when she next has the chance.

1) :fingers crossed:

2) I agree. I liked the dialogue sections the best, reading them as well as writing them. A few years ago, my class had the good fortune to work with a local youth theatre company director who helped the kids write and perform their own plays. During the scriptwriting phase, she reminded them numerous times that there was no narrator — her rule — and that dialogue and gesture and staging were the only ways they could share their story's plot. So I'm a big fan of lots of dialogue, mixed in with lots of judiciously descriptive narrative as well.

3) Let's have more posting folks! That's the best way to get one of your story ideas going... and keep your idea going. I've participated in stories that were started by someone, and then the idea sort of meandered a bit without continued input from the story-starter, because other posters weren't sure how to proceed.

Betelgeuse Black wrote:Now we have conservation of posts? Must I be efficient and resourceful all the time?
Hehe, in the first story I posted in, way back in Volume VI, I think I non-posted (posts without any bolded words) 7 times! And I was nudged by Finn, the creator of this thread on WX, to try some conservation. So now, I'm quite the conservationist. Maybe, even zealously so. We can always turn non-posts to story posts, but I'll explain how to do that another time, as this post is so loooong.

- Mona, Apr 25, 2011 12:39 am: I liked the last story. There were a couple of (IMO) awkward bits, but on the whole it turned out very well.

- Julia H., Apr 25, 2011 7:02 am: I agree with what has already been said about dialogues in the previous story. Writing the dialogues was also more fun than writing the narrative parts because there was more room for creativity - since we knew exactly what story was to be told, the only original ideas for us to include were the circumstances of the story-telling. I think it is good when we more or less know (and agree) what we want to do with the plot eventually but the plot itself is mostly our invention.
"I was thinking, perhaps it could be painted over." (Verity)
Great idea! A new magical portrait? One that would be able to "deal with" the "underlying" Mrs Black? Who would that be? I have always been interested in the process of painting a magical portrait. But I guess perhaps they should try a couple of other ideas before they think of the one that works. (Perhaps the portrait of Phineas could give them some advice.)






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:12 pm; edited 19 times in total (Reason for editing : changed formatting)
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Potty Game: Five Words, Volume XIV, Story #134

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:49 pm


images c/o ellibookblog.wordpress.com & timelines.com

Okay, phew!!! The first story (sorta) of Volume XVI is up! YAY me! bounce Doing the new BBCode formatting took some time, but I wanted to makes the pages look as similar to how they looked over on WX, our home for so long. (I'm really a sentimental pushover, at heart. )

We've never had to carry across a story from one thread to another, but we had no choice this time. I do think we handled the move quite well, even getting some posters from yesteryear returning for a few posts! Hope this trend continues!

I have to go back and check everything now, to make sure everything is just right, and then get to Easter dinner. So I won't be making my post-story comments now, but I will later. I also need to post the comments for the Snape story ... I never got around to that in February. But I encourage every one who posted in this story, or anyone who's just reading the story as a spectator to post any comments you have about the story. Reflection can always help with future story-writing.

Re: the title, I was really stuck with what to call this story. So i cheated, and just used the title JKR used, and added a little something to it. When needs must.

Congrats, Verity! cheers Looking forward to the first five words you choose to start our first start-to-finish-on-this-thread story! Feel free to announce this story on the Chat thread, or wherever. (I saw the Five Words message you posted there when WX closed... thx! )


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Story #135

Post  Verity Weasley on Sun Apr 24, 2011 3:16 pm

Our first completed story posted in our new home. Yay!

Thanks PAH for getting the story and stats up so quickly. It's hard to believe it took us over two months to complete this story. When I was going through the archives saving our earlier stories, I found stories that were completed in as little as three days! Hopefully the move to our new site will re-energise our little thread.

It was interesting to read the story back all together. It was a reasonable attempt to re-tell the story of Harry's first train journey, in his own words, helped by a few interruptions from Ron, Hermione and Ginny. We included all the major events of the journey, and I think the story was at its best when it was told in shorter bursts of dialogue rather than uninterrupted chunks from Harry. Some bits felt a bit awkward though, like how to refer to Molly Weasley and the twins, and how the adults would discuss Scabbers/Wormtail after all this time. Overall, it was a pleasant story.

Now, on to our new one. I know Julia had some great ideas, and I do remember a couple of them, but I thought perhaps she might like to use them when she next has the chance. Also, I did like PAH's suggestion about a story to tie in with our move here to our new home. So, I imagine this story taking place when Harry and Ginny move into 12 Grimmauld Place, before any kids have come along, but perhaps after they have been married. Presumably they got together fairly quickly after Deathly Hallows. How long do you think before they got married and settled down in their own place?


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Story #134 comment

Post  Betelgeuse Black on Sun Apr 24, 2011 8:26 pm

"There was I, thinking you were upset about me leaving!" Ron said, swallowing hard. "Everyone was trying to comfort you. Remember how George promised to send you a toilet seat from Hogwarts?"


Shouldn't this read "There I was" instead of "There was I" ?

Otherwise, I think the story is pretty good. I agree the Harry monologues are the best but I like the interaction with the children too.

BB



Last edited by Betelgeuse Black on Sun Apr 24, 2011 10:02 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Corrected post title :chagrin:)
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Story #135

Post  Puck on Sun Apr 24, 2011 9:17 pm

Blood traitors!...."

Harry forcefully closed


I think the story was sweet. We all tend to sit and retell the old stories, so it seemed a natural thing for them to do on that day.

I like this new story idea as well, but someday one about Fred and George discussing DIGS and trying to discovering the truth would be fun!


Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:47 am; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : 1) removed " at beginning of sentence, as the speaker from the previous post is still the same 2) added post title)
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Story #135

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Apr 24, 2011 9:35 pm

image c/o hpcompanion.com

the curtains, but the shreiks


Thanks, Verity! I think when stories were
completed in 3 days, a) lots more folks were posting, and
b) folks stuck around a bit to post and have posting sprees.
We have neither of those conditions these days, and I think
the typical age of a Five Worder these days is a wee bit older
than in those 3-5 days/story days.

Great idea for a story, but then again, I would say that, wouldn't I?

BB, great to see your comment. I hope others follow your example.
But no five words to accompany your post?
In five words, the posts in a thread get used up much faster than in
most threads, so we try to make the most of each post. On another
'housekeeping' note, could everyone remember to title their posts
'Story #135? Thanks! (I guess I could post another HP ticker
at the bottom of my screen?

BB, I think the sentence you quoted is fine, actually. It's a more informal
form of speech, for sure, but I heard that word order being spoken lots
of times when I lived in London.

EDIT: WOAH! That pic is WAAAAY too big! Gotta find another one!

Hi Puck!

EDIT 2: Found a smaller pic, of Kreacher.


Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Apr 25, 2011 6:58 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : changed over the Mrs. Black portrait to a Kreacher pic, then decided to put her back; it's a great pic!)
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Story #135

Post  Betelgeuse Black on Sun Apr 24, 2011 10:22 pm

and epithets continued to fly

Now we have conservation of posts? Must I be efficient and resourceful all the time? I can't be Dumbledore all the time! I tend to be more like this...

On my previous comment: I thought the wording sounded awkward from my perspective (Southern US). I don't know how common that wording would be in other areas of the world which is why I asked. I'm ok with it either way.

BB
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Story #135

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Apr 24, 2011 11:33 pm

image c/o kreacher-.tumblr.com


forth furiously, at a frenetic

This pic is still a bit bag. Maybe a bit too much Kreacher at one time? Need to find a smaller one tomorrow.

Verity Weasley wrote:1) Hopefully the move to our new site will re-energise our little thread.

2) ... helped by a few interruptions from Ron, Hermione and Ginny. We included all the major events of the journey, and I think the story was at its best when it was told in shorter bursts of dialogue rather than uninterrupted chunks from Harry. Some bits felt a bit awkward though, like how to refer to Molly Weasley and the twins..

3) Now, on to our new one. I know Julia had some great ideas, and I do remember a couple of them, but I thought perhaps she might like to use them when she next has the chance.


1) :fingers crossed:

2) I agree. I liked the dialogue sections the best, reading them as well as writing them. A few years ago, my class had the good fortune to work with a local youth theatre company director who helped the kids write and perform their own plays. During the scriptwriting phase, she reminded them numerous times that there was no narrator — her rule — and that dialogue and gesture and staging were the only ways they could share their story's plot. So I'm a big fan of lots of dialogue, mixed in with lots of judiciously descriptive narrative as well.

3) Let's have more posting folks! That's the best way to get one of your story ideas going... and keep your idea going. I've participated in stories that were started by someone, and then the idea sort of meandered a bit without continued input from the story-starter, because other posters weren't sure how to proceed.


Betelgeuse Black wrote:Now we have conservation of posts? Must I be efficient and resourceful all the time?
Hehe, in the first story I posted in, way back in Volume VI, I think I non-posted (posts without any bolded words) 7 times! And I was nudged by Finn, the creator of this thread on WX, to try some conservation. So now, I'm quite the conservationist. Maybe, even zealously so. We can always turn non-posts to story posts, but I'll explain how to do that another time, as this post is so loooong.

Edit: Nice post title and ticker, BB.




Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Apr 25, 2011 6:54 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : changed to a smaller pic of Kreacher, spelling/grammar, and a misplaced smiley)
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Story #135

Post  Mona on Mon Apr 25, 2011 12:39 am

pace.

"We'll have to do


I liked the last story. There were a couple of (IMO) awkward bits, but on the whole it turned out very well.

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Re: Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XIV)

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