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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #124 post-story comments

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:21 am

These post-story comments were first posted by Potteraholic - Nov 24, 2010 7:11 am (#2957 of 2960) [Edited Dec 3, 2010 1 am] on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Post-Story Comments for Story #124, Volume XII,
Potty Five Words: "Fixing the Future"

This story was written from April 24, 2010 to May 29, 2010. Six writers contributed to the story, which is 2,000 words long. Four of the six writers posted feedback.

- Potteraholic, May 30, 2010 11:16 pm: Some words about 'Fixing the Future" (a nod to 'Unfogging the Future')... I s'pose mine isn't really an objective opinion, as I contributed quite a few posts in the writing of this story, but I think it turned out quite well. It flows together pretty smoothly, there don't seem to be any inconsistencies (though I still wonder what Kingsley was reaching for in his briefcase), and the characterizations seem accurate.

- Verity Weasley, May 31, 2010 4:59 am: Yes, the last story turned out OK but I think it was a very difficult one to write. I think it is just extremely hard for us to imagine what life was like those first few weeks after Voldemort's defeat, there would have been so many emotions involved. Relief that LV was finally gone for good and people didn't have to live in fear, exhilaration and satisfaction at having triumphed, but tempered with grief, disbelief and anger at the deaths that occurred. Then there's the uncertainty of what happens next, which our story tended to focus on. But I think trying to convey all of those emotions is a very difficult job - obviously too difficult even for JKR since she decided to skip ahead 19 years! Having said all that, I think we did OK, and we mostly got the characterisation right, but I thought some of the dialogue seemed a bit choppy. I would have liked more narrative to separate some of the speech a bit, to tease out some of the gestures and feelings a bit more. Some of it seemed a bit rushed, like when Mrs Weasley fumes 'that's not the reaction I expected,' when poor Mr Weasley had only said 'did he now?' A minor criticism though. On the whole, I thought it turned out pretty well for such a tough subject.

- Solitaire, May 31, 2010 4:43 pm: I thought the story came out pretty well, although I agree with Verity about it seeming a bit rushed. I think that's the nature of the beast, though, with the short length. I, too, would have liked to see more narrative and description of characters' gestures, facial expressions, etc. I thought some of the funniest moments were where Ron and Harry were stifling giggles at things Hermione said, because that reminded me of "old times." BTW, I think it would be fun to do a story on how Harry and Ron bring in Rabastan Lestrange.

- mona amon, Jun 3, 2010 3:20 am: Just finished reading the last story. Wow, it was a difficult topic and we tried to squeeze in as much as we could - the relief, the deaths, the unfinished work, the attempts to pull themselves together and carry on with their lives. Perhaps the story got a bit crowded. It didn't seem as smooth as usual or something.

I loved the cross-talk about missing exams vs catching DEs and the allusion to Hermione's crush on Gilderoy Lockhart.

I felt Verity and PAH did a brilliant job wrapping up the story. That was a really good bit of writing!






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Aug 15, 2011 8:55 am; edited 1 time in total

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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #124(R)

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:26 am

This story was first posted by Potteraholic - Jun 13, 2010 10:41 am (#1828 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Potty Five Words: A Revision of "Fixing the Future"


NOTE: The revisions to the story are written in blue.

"Voldemort's really dead," Ron mused. "It's two weeks later, and he's really dead. He's not stuck in a locket, or some stupid tiara. He's just dead."

"It's hard to believe we can now finally return to normal," Hermione agreed. "I mean, as normal as we can be without—" she paused, unsure of how to continue, looking at Ron with tears welling up in her eyes.

"Don't worry, Hermione, I know it's hard now, but they'd want us to remember what they gave their lives for," Ron said quietly. "Fred wouldn't want us to be moping around here for ages."

"You're right," agreed Harry. "The one I'm worried about is George. Losing Fred was like losing a part of himself. Will he ever be himself again?"

"I dunno. I'm going to try and spend more time with him. Maybe help him at the shop," Ron suggested.

"That's a good idea Ron," Hermione said, squeezing his hand gently.

After a moment of silence, the three friends' attention turned to other topics. "What do we do now?" Harry asked.

"We could take dueling lessons from my mum!" quipped Ron, grabbing his wand, lying next to him on the bed and casting red sparks on the bright orange bedspread.

As if on cue, Mrs. Weasley bustled in. "Kingsley's downstairs and wants a word with you three," she said, dumping a pile of laundry onto the bed. "I wonder what he wants. I told him what I think — that you three should go back to Hogwarts — and he agreed."

"Mum, I don't think I'll be going back," Ron muttered sheepishly.

"What?! Of course you're going back!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "What do you think you'll be able to do with no formal qualifications? Become Minister of Magic?!"

"I've never wanted to be Minister, Mum," Ron answered warily. "I was thinking of helping George—"

"Mrs. Weasley," interrupted Hermione, in a clear attempt to change the subject, "perhaps we should go downstairs now? Kingsley's waiting!"

Mrs. Weasley nodded reluctantly and turned to go.

"We'll explain our reasons later, Mrs. Weasley," Harry added, following her and the others down the narrow stairs and into the living room.

They hadn't seen Kingsley for almost two weeks. The aftermath of the battle kept him busy, and they had been filled with meetings and hearings.

"Hello, everyone," Kingsley greeted them, smiling. "I wanted to talk to you three about your future."

Mrs. Weasley interjected hastily, "Oh, Kingsley! I hope you're going to tell them to complete their education! They need qualifications to get on with their careers, don't they?" She gave Kingsley a pointed look, which he managed to avoid, as he addressed Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"It's a little unusual, but it was unanimously agreed upon by every member of the Wizengamot that you three should be drafted in to help with rounding up the last few Death Eaters. We don't have a full Auror department anymore and quite frankly, we could use three young, resourceful, experienced wizards who've faced what you have in defeating Voldemort."

Mrs. Weasley looked at Kingsley in utter dismay. She looked ready to start arguing with him. She took a deep breath as she prepared for the verbal attack, but Hermione interjected.

"Mr. Shacklebolt, I'd really like to return to Hogwarts to finish my education, but not because I feel unprepared for the job. I do. It's just... I haven't taken my N.E.W.T.s... and, well, I need the extra knowledge. I'd like to finish what I started at Hogwarts. It's important to me. I want to learn everything possible before I embark on the career of my choice."

Hermione looked from Harry to Ron, both of whom were trying hard to suppress giggles and grins. She glared at them, as Mrs. Weasley nodded in agreement.

"Don't laugh," admonished Kingsley. "I'm not suggesting you abandon your studies entirely. If you do decide to become Aurors, you'll need more expertise and training, and we can provide that for you."

"What do we have to do? And how long will it take?" Harry asked, looking at Kingsley inquiringly. Harry fondly remembered his careers interview with Professor McGonagall at the end of which she told him that he'd need many years more study if he wanted to be an Auror. He wondered what Umbridge would say if she knew he would be joining the ranks of the Auror Department.

"It shouldn't take that long; three to four months, given your experience in practical defensive magic. It's amazing that you managed to be so effective..." Kingsley broke off, thinking of all the experienced witches and wizards, including Aurors, who had fallen in the fight against Voldemort. "After that level of success you could learn the additional skills needed to become a full-time member of the Auror department quickly. You'd be welcome to continue with your studies, Hermione. We could use your help on special assignments. How does that sound to you, then?" he queried.

"It sounds wonderful, sir," Hermione admitted, "but I'm not sure I can just leave when I'm needed. What if I'm in the middle of exams? I can't miss them!"

"You're absolutely right. No would want to miss their exams," he said, glancing over at Harry and Ron with a wink. They both smiled and turned away quickly.

"I'd be absolutely gutted," Ron whispered to Harry. "Wouldn't you?"

Harry grinned, then straight-faced, replied, "Catch a Death Eater or miss exams? Ummm... let's see, catching one of those murderous thugs seems tame compared to getting Outstanding in all your N.E.W.T.s."

Overhearing the last comment, Hermione gave them both a withering look, then picked up the teapot and began to pour. Mrs. Weasley, realizing she'd left the fancy biscuits in the kitchen, rushed off to get them.

"Anyway, Mr. Shacklebolt," Hermione continued, "if you can work out the details with the authorities and with Professor McGonagall, I'd be happy to help. Just as soon as I get back from Australia."

"Australia? Let me see if travel... hang on... why Australia?" he asked Hermione in a puzzled voice, turning to pick up something rolled-up from the bag he'd brought.

"It's where my parents are. I thought they would be safer there, in case Death Eaters tried to find them, to get to Harry, through me. I have to go and get them as I had to put a well... get them there... quickly. I'm not that sure where they are... Sydney, perhaps? They're opera enthusiasts and love the theater."

"I see," Kingsley replied. "Let me see if there are any authorities who could help you find them."

"Thank you, Mr. Shacklebolt, but I think I'll manage well enough on my own. We'll probably travel around a bit, my parents and I. We may visit Wagga Wagga—"

Ron and Harry were choking back giggles, and Hermione gave them another withering look.

"Anyway," Ron interjected. "Hermione won't be going alone. I'll go along, to keep her company. It's about time I met her parents, after all we've been through together." He smiled at her, and she squeezed his hand.

"Ron!" Mrs. Weasley remonstrated. "You can't just run off to Australia at the drop of a wand! What about your studies? Sorry Hermione, but I don't know if Ron should go. Maybe Bill and Fleur could go with you. There are still matters that need Ron's attention here."

"What exactly do you mean? Mum?"

"We, you and your father and I, need to have a long, private talk about your future," explained Mrs. Weasley, casting a sidelong glance at both Hermione and Kingsley, which prompted them to remain silent.

"Mum, I think it's my decision where I go. And why do we have to have a private talk? Anything you've got to say, can be said in front of Hermione and Harry."

"All right, if that's what you want," Mrs. Weasley said, looking uncertain. "Since your father is due home anytime now, perhaps you could all come into the kitchen."

"I'll be going," Kingsley began, standing up, but Mrs. Weasley interrupted, "Kingsley, you're welcome to stay, and join us. I know I made enough shepherd's pie to last for two meals."

"Sounds lovely, Molly, but I really must be getting back as I have a lot of work to do. I have to review this list of international Aurors who have been monitoring Death Eater activity in their countries." He turned to the trio, smiled, and said, "Let me know what you decide."

After Kingsley left, Mrs. Weasley turned to Ron and Hermione and said, "It's been a difficult year, but now we have a chance to rebuild our lives. Of course, things will never be the same without Fred... but he would have wanted us to carry on and be happy. You've all been through so much this past year. I think you've had to grow up so much more quickly than you needed to, at your age."

Hermione nodded in agreement, while Harry and Ron looked at each other with silent understanding. They both remembered what happened and everything they had been forced to deal with lately. It seemed like such a long time since they first shared chocolate frogs on the Hogwarts Express on that September day, long ago.

"I'm home!" Mr. Weasley called from the front room.

"Arthur, we're in the living room," Mrs. Weasley replied.

"Hello everyone," Mr. Weasley greeted them as he entered, "I see you've just had some visitors," he said, spotting the good china.

"Yes, Kingsley stopped by," Mrs. Weasley explained. "He talked to these three about joining the Auror department and not returning to Hogwarts to finish their education and sit their exams!"

"Did he now?" Mr. Weasley mused. "I thought it might be for that reason. I've heard rumors at work. Very interesting. First time for everything, aye?"

"That's not the reaction I was hoping for," fumed Mrs. Weasley. "Don't—"

"Mum, that's not what Kingsley said," Ron protested, "and anyway I really do want to help Hermione find her parents in Australia. I'm sure we'll be gone for only a few days, really. Hermione has to be back for school."

"Hermione," suggested Mrs. Weasley hopefully, "maybe you can talk some sense into him."

"I think," Harry began, "Ron should decide for himself what he wants to do. As you've said, we've had to take responsibility for things people our age don't normally face, and we've, by and large, made good choices."

He held Mrs. Weasley's gaze for a few seconds, then turned to Mr. Weasley, who appeared to be pondering something.

"I think Harry's got a good point! We can't dictate our children's futures, dear," said Mr. Weasley. "After all, they are of age now& and I think they've shown a great deal of maturity, this year, especially. Kingsley told me that he planned to ask them if they'd like to join the Ministry in the Auror Department. With Death Eaters still at large both here and abroad, we could use all the help we can get. But Hermione's got to find her parents."

"That's right, Dad, and the sooner, the better. If there are other jobs the Ministry needs doing, they'll just have to wait."

In the end, Hermione decided that Ron was needed at home with his family for the time being, and went to Australia with Luna instead. Meanwhile, Ron decided to start his Auror training with Harry, after George made it clear that he'd be closing the shop for a short time. He wanted to help round up the remaining Death Eaters, especially the one who killed Fred. He wanted to make sure his brother's killer would not walk free. It was a slow process, but Harry and Ron proved to be quite skillful Aurors, catching a particularly elusive Death Eater named Rabastan Lestrange.

Hermione and her parents returned from Australia a few weeks later. They had fully restored memories and great tans. Although they still didn't quite understand why Hermione had acted as she had, they were happy to be back home, and their patients were glad to see them, too.

Boarding the Hogwarts Express once more, Hermione and Ginny looked back at their families, not totally sure that they'd be able to get used to going to Hogwarts without Ron and Harry. It would be good, however, to see Hagrid and the other teachers, as well as the castle itself, which had recently been restored. The old building and the grounds looked as good as they did when Hermione first saw them, all those years ago, as an eager, yet naïve, first year.

"It looks beautiful," Hermione said softly as the train rounded the bend.

"It does," Ginny agreed. "It'll be good to have simple things to worry about instead of the constant fear we lived with before."

"Exactly," Hermione said. "Nothing to worry about now."

"N.E.W.T.s? Maybe we could just worry about getting good marks instead of worrying about getting killed."

"Or worse, expelled," Hermione chuckled, remembering her first thrilling adventure with her best friends, Harry and Ron.






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Sat Aug 13, 2011 7:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:28 am

These stats were first posted by Potteraholic - Jun 13, 2010 10:43 am (#1829 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Statistics for A Revised Version of Story 124(R)

Total Words in original version: 2000
Total Words in revised version: 2175

Based on a few post-story comments about the original version of "Fixing the Future" not containing enough narrative, and feeling a bit rushed, I posted the idea of trying to write a revision of the previous story while simultaneously writing the next one. This revision of an already finished story was a break from standard Five Words procedure, but it was worth a try.

This revision was started on June 3, 2010 at 7:13 pm, and ended on June 13, 2010 at 2:36 am. It took 35 posts and 175 words. One sentence was re-ordered, with an additional word inserted to take the place of a proper noun that was removed.






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Sat Aug 13, 2011 7:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #124(R) post-story comments

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:39 am

These post-story comments were first posted by Potteraholic - Nov 24, 2010 7:12 am (#2958 of 2960) [Edited Dec 3, 2010 9 am] on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Post-Story Comments for Story #124(R), Volume XII,
Potty Five Words: A Revision of "Fixing the Future"

The following comments are about a revision done for Five Words story #124, "Fixing the Future". This version was written from June 3, 2010 to June 13, 2010. This is the 1st Five Words story to be revised. Two writers (Potteraholic and Verity Weasley), participated in this revision, and 175 words were added to the original story's length of 2,000 words.

Potteraholic, Jun 13, 2010 10:52 am: The revised version of "Fixing the Future" is posted. Any thoughts about the new version? About the process of writing it? I rather enjoyed the process, and like the revised version, too. I hope we can take what we learned about what we thought was lacking in the previous story and apply it to the writing of this and future stories.

Verity Weasley, Jun 13, 2010 11:51 am: I think the new version of 'Fixing the Future' is much better (but then I would say that, wouldn't I?) It was certainly interesting to revise the previous story while writing the current one. I think that most of our stories don't need revision - any 'faults' are part of the Five Words charm - but I think this one really benefitted from those extra little touches.






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Aug 15, 2011 8:56 am; edited 3 times in total

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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #125

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:43 am

This story was first posted by Potteraholic - Jul 20, 2010 3:49 pm (#2140 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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H E R M I O N E   &   L U N A
A u s t r a l i a - S u m m e r '9 8

Potty Five Words: "The Wilkinses Remembered"


"Luna! We're here... in Sydney!" Hermione exclaimed, looking around. She could see the gleaming, white shells of the Sydney Opera House, off in the distance. The nearby Jacaranda trees provided the pair with plenty of cover from any accidental onlookers.

Luna put the old boot that had served as their portkey into her backpack. She looked at Hermione expectantly. "Where do you think we should go first?"

Hermione took a map from her beaded and studied it very carefully. "The Shangri-La Hotel... that's where the Ministry said my parents were staying. It's not too far from here. I think we can get to it via a short bus ride." They searched around for the nearest bus stop, which was just outside the park's entrance. As they walked toward the road, Hermione gave a sidelong glance, appraising Luna's attire. "Luna, do you think those earrings will get caught on your collar? It's so lacy and pretty. I wouldn't want it to tear. Perhaps you should let me tuck them into my bag for safekeeping?"

"You don't think I should wear them?" Luna asked, with a smile. "Don't worry. I've put a protective charm on the collar, and an anti-snagging charm on the radishes," she said with a slight smile. "So it's all right, Hermione. Thanks, anyway."

Ten minutes later, with her radishes bobbing merrily from her ears, Luna and Hermione were in the bus, bumping along towards the hotel.

"176 Cumberland Street!" the bus driver announced. "'Round the corner, ladies. You'll be right."

The hotel, a modern high-rise building, stood proudly against the Sydney skyline. "My, this is quite a sight," Luna exclaimed, staring up at the shiny glass and steel structure. "I wonder how tall it is, and which floor we're on. I hope our room has a nice view.

The pair walked into the hotel, crossed the lobby, and went to the Reception desk. However, just then, two guests walked over, bumping into Luna.

"Mu- er...Monica!" exclaimed Hermione, looking a bit flustered, "And Wendell! So nice to meet you both."

Looking confused, Monica asked the daughter she didn't remember, "Sorry, but I don't know you, do I?" She turned to her husband and looked at him with a shrug.

Wendell, aka Mr. Granger, shrugged and held out his hand. "Pleased to meet you. What are your names and how do we know you?"

Hermione turned red and seemed to have been struck dumb.

"I'm Luna, and this is Hermione," Luna said, moving away from the reception desk. "We need to talk to you about the Wagga Wagga Werewolf."

"Luna!" Hermione hissed, as Monica and Wendell exchanged astonished glances. "Don't be silly, Luna! There's no such thing as werewolves. Ummm... the receptionist told us about the superstitions of the Australians. She'd said some fellow Brits had recently been to the place and she said their names were Monica and and Wendell Wilkins. She pointed you out to us!" Hermione finished in a rush, with Luna nodding dreamily behind her.

"Actually, we'd like to visit Wagga Wagga, " said Wendell politely. "It's home to a Clydesdale stud farm. We love horses, you know. Actually," he continued, turning to Monica, "we need two more people for our tour of the Aurora Farm, don't we, dear?"

Monica nodded slowly as she realized what Wendell was trying to do. She gave the girls a warm smile and said, "What my husband is suggesting is that you two join us. It's quite a long journey and we'd like to make an early start. Perhaps we can discuss it over a cup of tea, and you can check with your parents, if you decide to join us."

"Sounds lovely!" Hermione exclaimed, and the four of them headed towards the hotel coffee shop, the Gloucester Street Pantry.

Finding an unoccupied table in a quiet corner, overlooking Sydney Harbor, Hermione steered them towards it. When they were all seated in the comfy deep padded chairs, Wendell began to explain the particulars of the trip to the girls. However, Hermione only pretended to listen, her mind a jumble of thoughts. Should I lift the enchantment now, or try to explain first? Would that lessen the shock? What if I couldn't get them to believe me? I couldn't remove the charm from both of them at the same time. It requires immense skill. I've never done anything like that before, but...

Before Hermione could finish that particular train of doubtful thought, the waiter came by to take their order. Wendell ordered a large iced tea, while Hermione raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"You never used to drink iced tea," she said absent-mindedly, glancing at her menu. A swift kick under the table from Luna brought Hermione back to her senses. "Ummm...I mean... that is, you... I mean, us... English... we don't usually—"

"Look! A kangaroo!" Luna shouted, pointing out the window. The Wilkinses turned their heads quickly. "I mean," she corrected herself, "it was a picture of one on a moving advert. For a moment I thought it was real! Wishful thinking, I guess."

Wendell looked confusedly from one to the other.

Hermione wiggled in her seat.

"What are you two girls doing here in Sydney?" he asked, with a slight frown.

"Oh, we're here on holiday. We go back to England before school starts again in September," Luna explained.

"Where do you go to school? And where are your parents?" Monica asked, a look of concern, spreading across her tanned face.

"That's a long story actually," said Luna airily. "I think Hermione can explain exactly where they are." She beamed at her friend encouragingly.

Hermione took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "This is going to be a bit of a shock, but I have to tell you anyway. You see, both of you are suffering from amnesia. You must have noticed that there are certain blanks in your memories." She paused, looking uncertainly at each of them.

They exchanged dubious glances, then Wendell said slowly, "It's true. My wife and I have very fuzzy memories of England. Sometimes it's as if we can't remember our childhoods or our life before we... but how would you know about that?" he asked sharply. "We're complete strangers." He stood up abruptly, as if he were going to storm off, but Monica reached for his hand and said, "Please, dear. Wait. Let's hear what they have to say before we make a fuss. They seem to know something we don't."

Reluctantly, Wendell resumed his seat, still looking concerned. Luna was humming quiet, at peace with the world. Hermione looked anxious, unsure of what to say or do next.

Finally, Monica broke the silence and said awkwardly to Hermione, "Why don't you just tell us what you know, all in one fell swoop?"

Hermione took a few moments to compose herself while Monica and Wendell looked at her expectantly. "We promise to hear you out, don't we, dear?" Monica reached out and patted her hand reassuringly.

Well, I'd better start at the beginning," Hermione said resolutely. "You may not believe me, but I'm not a stranger to you. Look at this photograph, for instance." Hermione fished in her beaded bag and produced a photo of herself and her parents, taken a couple of years earlier. She handed it to them and they looked at it, in amazement.

"What? How did you do that?"

"Is that us?" Monica exclaimed. "Where was this picture taken? I don't remember anything about it."

Luna leaned in to have a look. "Oh, why is nobody moving? It must be a Muggle photo," she remarked, beaming at Monica, who was still examining the picture.

"Muggle? That sounds strangely familiar," Wendell commented. "What do you mean by it?"

Hermione gave Luna an exasperated look but she didn't seem to notice. "Ummm... a Muggle is... well, it's difficult to explain but it's actually one of the—"

"Muggles are non-magical people," Luna interjected, with a smile.

"Non-magical people? What, are there magical people then?" Wendell joked.

Hermione gave an uncomfortable laugh and tried to continue with her explanation. "Well, yes, Wendell, actually there are magical people. In fact, I'm a magical person, and so is Luna. Some magical people think they're better than others. There's been—"

"Wait, you're magical? Prove it!" Wendell demanded, looking skeptically from one witch to the other.

"Er... we're not allowed to do magic in front of Muggles," Hermione began, but Luna had already reached for her wand, muttered Wingardium Leviosa and sent her napkin floating above the table. The Wilkinses stared in utter disbelief, their mouths agape. Hermione looked around hastily, but none of the other guests seemed to have noticed the unusual sight.

Wendell reached out to catch the napkin, then searched for a thread that might have been attached to it. "There's nothing here!" he exclaimed. "How'd you do that?"

"Simple... with magic," Luna replied matter-of-factly, as if it were nothing unusual. Wendell still looked a little unsure and reexamined the napkin.

"I believe it's time you tell us exactly what this is about. What do magical people have to do with us?" Monica asked. "Just tell us plainly."

"Yes, I think it'll be better that way," Hermione agreed. "Monica, Wendell, I am your daughter!" There was a stunned silence as the sound of that last word echoed around the room.

"Our... daughter?!" Wendell shouted, "How can that be? We'd remember our daughter, surely? What kind of trick is this?"

"I know this is hard to believe. Ummm... do you have your passports with you?î

"Yes," Monica replied. "But why do you want our passports?"

"I'll show you," Hermione said.

Monica agreed, curious to see what Hermione wanted to show them. She placed the two passports on the table.

"Thanks." Hermione opened Monica's first. Her mother's face looked back at her from the passport. She knew that when her mother saw her name, Monica Wilkins, it would be for the last time and everything after that would be different and back to the way it used to be. She drew her wand out of her beaded bag, inconspicuously pointed it at the open book, and muttered Obscurus Revelio.

A stunned Monica stared at her altered passport in utter disbelief. The name now read Portia Granger. "What? How did you do that?"

"Please," whispered Hermione, "first let me do the same to the other passport. Hermione opened Wendell's passport and repeated the spell. She showed him the result. Then she took out her own passport.

"Look," she said, handing it to Wendell, who slowly opened it. "Those are your real names but my passport is unaltered. See? I really am your daughter. Last year I was in danger and had to go into hiding. I needed to protect you, so I altered your memories and influenced you to go to Australia where you'd be safe. I didn't want you tortured for information about me, and if I died..." Hermione left the sentence unfinished, looking grim.

After a brief silence, Monica responded. "You're very convincing, dear. And I believe you."

"So do I," Wendell agreed. "What happens now? Are you still in danger?"

"No, the War is over, and it's safe to return to England. I must return to school in a few weeks. Now just need to…" she hesitated, then proceeded hastily, "...lift the enchantment. Please close your eyes and relax. This will take just a few minutes."

Monica instinctively reached for Wendell's hand under the table and held it tightly, as they both closed their eyes obediently. Hermione waved her wand with a "swish and flick" and whispered, "Memoria Reverto!" The Wilkinses felt gentle tickling sensations in their temples, which spread out across their forehead and scalp.

Hermione whispered, "Mum? Dad? Say something!"

"Australia! Why Australia? Wouldn't France have done just as well?”

"Australia was as far from danger as possible... but does it really matter? I'm just glad you're back to normal. You do remember who you are don't you?" said Hermione.

"Yes, dear. I'm Portia Granger and this is my husband, Egeus. Now, suppose you tell us exactly what you've been doing, over a nice pot of tea. The Wilkinses may have drunk iced tea, but the Grangers like theirs hot!"






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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:47 am

These stats were first posted by Potteraholic - Jul 20, 2010 3:59 pm (#2141 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Australian_flag
H E R M I O N E   &   L U N A
A u s t r a l i a - S u m m e r '9 8

Statistics for Story 125
ordered by first contribution to the story

  User
  # of Submissions  
  Potteraholic     124
  Verity Weasley     114
  Solitaire   43
  legolas returns     53
  Julia H.   2
  mona amon   69

The user in red is the rightful starter of the next story. They are welcome to pass on the privilege to the user who posted the second most number of times, who may in turn pass it to the user who posted the third number of times in the story, and so forth.

Total Submissions: 405
Total Words: 2020
Last Submission Date: #2136, July 17, 2010, 1:25 am (Potteraholic)
Total Time to Create Story: 1 month, 16 days, 2 hours, 9 minutes






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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:49 am

These post-story comments were first posted by Potteraholic - Nov 24, 2010 7:13 am (#2959 of 2960) [Edited Dec 13, 2010 7 am] on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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H E R M I O N E   &   L U N A
A u s t r a l i a - S u m m e r '9 8

Post-Story Comments for Story #125, Volume XII,
Potty Five Words: "The Wilkinses Remembered"

This story was written from May 30, 2010 to July 17, 2010. Six writers contributed to the story, which is 2,020 words long. Three of the six writers posted feedback.

- Verity Weasley, Jul 20, 2010 10:01 pm: Overall, I think this story turned out really well. It was a difficult subject matter and I'm not sure if all of our ideas really came off as well as we intended. For example, in the early bit about Luna's earrings, I'm not sure if Hermione's true intentions came out without the benefit of the accompanying notes in each post. However, on the whole I think we did a good job. Luna didn't really have a lot to do, but I enjoyed her light-hearted touches of humour, when they appeared. The Wilkinses/Grangers might have been a bit quick to accept everything they were hearing, but given our word limit, that was largely unavoidable. I really like the ending.

- Solitaire, Jul 20, 2010 10:25 pm: I think the story turned out well. I also think it had a pretty good balance between narrative and dialogue.

I do think we missed a great comic opportunity, though. I can't believe we didn't think about having Mr. Wilkins make some sort of remark about Luna's radish earrings! They must have been rather ... um ... striking! LOL

At some point in time, maybe in a future story, I think it would be interesting to bring Luna into contact with some of Australia's more exotic animals. Can't you just imagine her with a Tasmanian Devil?

Edit: It's funny, Verity, that you mentioned the earrings, too. I had my page open before you posted so did not see what you had to say.

- legolas returns, Jul 21, 2010 12:29 am: I liked the story but agree that some of it was hard to write. I often wasn't sure exactly what to say.

Perhaps Hermione did a charm on the earrings that made them appear as bobbles to Muggles Wink






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Aug 15, 2011 8:57 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:52 am

This story was first posted by Potteraholic - Nov 30, 2010 10:26 am (#2237 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Potty Five Words: A Revision of "Hogwarts, Year One, 1970"


NOTE: The revisions to the story are written in blue.
- Sentences that were re-ordered are written in italics.
- Wording that was changed is underlined.

"Lupin, Remus!"

The Sorting Ceremony was in full swing. Remus settled on the stool and put on the hat with a tear along its brim. With barely a moment's hesitation, the hat shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!" and immediately fell silent. Remus heaved a big sigh of relief as he joined the Gryffindor table.

Other names followed. "Pettigrew, Peter!" and then "Potter, James!"

"GRYFFINDOR!" the Sorting Hat called again and again.

Soon the ceremony ended, after "Snape, Severus!" had been Sorted into Slytherin along with Hemlock Wilkes.

"Welcome to Slytherin," said Lucius Malfoy with a superior smile, patting each first-year's shoulder. "If you have any questions, you may ask me, since I am the Prefect." His badge gleamed brightly as he spoke.

After the Headmaster's short welcome speech, platters of food appeared on all the tables and the feast began.

Back at the Gryffindor table, a ravenous
James was tucking into a large pork chop. Sirius Black, sitting next to him, was also enjoying his meal. "Kreacher's food was horrible in comparison to these vittles."

"Who's Kreacher?" Remus asked, leaning across to reach for the pumpkin juice.

"He's the family House Elf. He hates me. Mum and Dad encourage his bad behavior and he's an annoying little—"

"You're here now, mate. Forget about it and enjoy the food. And," James continued, "pass the applesauce and the bowl of mashed potatoes."

The feast soon came to an end and the students were dismissed to their dormitories. Lily Evans, another Gryffindor, walked towards the Slytherin table. "Severus!" she called out.

A dark-haired Slytherin first-year immediately looked around, smiled, and said, "I'm sorry we didn't get to talk after the Sorting. It's a shame that you're not in Slytherin," Severus began. "Still, we'll have some classes together. I'm looking forward to Potions especially! Maybe we can sit together."

Lily nodded in agreement. "The hat seemed quite sure that I should be in Gryffindor. I don't mind except that I'm in the same house as those two idiots on the train. I'm planning on avoiding those two, but the other Gryffindors seem very nice."

"I wish you could see my room," Severus enthused, "but we're not allowed visitors from other houses yet." They parted at the doors, Lily heading upstairs to the Gryffindor Tower, whilst Severus descended to the floor below.

The maze of changing staircases prompted Lily to run to catch up with the rest of the Gryffindors. "The password's 'belladonna'", said the Head Girl called Joanne Rowling. "Don't forget it, or you'll be sleeping out here with Peeves and Mrs. Norris. If you're very unlucky Filch may give you a detention cleaning bedpans, without using your wands."

James chuckled. "Filch seems to hate wizard kids, doesn't he?"

"Maybe just the obnoxious, annoying ones," responded Lily.

James nudged Sirius. "Listen to her, will you? She's probably referring to us. I don't think she likes us."

Lily walked silently through the door, without acknowledging their comment. The other two followed.

A few days later, on their way to Transfiguration, Remus and Peter sank through a trick stair. They were stuck there, side by side, until an auburn-haired Ravenclaw came along. "Oh dear! I see you've been caught. It only takes one time and you'll never be caught again." She smiled, pointed her wand, and uttered, "Wingardium Leviosa!"

Slowly, Remus began to rise. Once he was out, Peter was able to wriggle free and then they set off for Professor McGonagall's classroom, hoping they weren't that late.

McGonagall was stern but understanding. Still, Remus and Peter didn't ever want to be late again. Not after they saw what happened when James and Sirius accidentally turned their match into feathers. They were late, too, that day and didn't bother to ask about the instructions they'd need to transfigure the match properly.

"Counterclockwise," McGonagall had instructed clearly, "with a little flick of the wrist, otherwise you'll end up with something quite unexpected."

"More unexpected than feathers?" James asked impudently, holding out a bunch of fuzzy, brown ones. Next to him, Sirius let out a small bark of laughter.

The Professor's reaction was swift. "Mr. Potter! Mr. Black!" she said ominously. "Unless you want to be dismissed from my class forever, you'd better pay closer attention and keep your ears open when I speak." She was looking daggers at them, closely monitoring their reaction. They looked slightly penitent.


"Now class," McGonagall continued briskly. "For homework, you will need to practice turning your matches into needles. I expect everyone to be able to do it perfectly before the next class."

"That soon, Professor?" asked Peter tremulously. He'd had no success with his match, as it had remained stubbornly, and most decidedly, a match.


"Yes, Mr. Pettigrew," MacGonagall replied crisply. "I've given you sufficient instruction to master this skill in a week's time, so be sure to use your time wisely."

Despite the challenges and the hard, disciplined work, the boys truly enjoyed Transfiguration lessons with McGonagall.

Potions, however, was a different story. Professor Slughorn was jolly enough, but neither Remus nor the other Gryffindor boys, except Sirius, seemed to interest him. Sirius, being a member of an influential family with several famous ancestors, like Phineas Nigellus, was invited to be part of the Professor's exclusive 'Slug Club'. Slughorn had referred to Headmaster Black, the last Slytherin Headmaster of Hogwarts, in their first lesson, extolling his virtues and sense of fairness.

"Fairness?" snorted Sirius. "He knew very little about fairness. Nothing, in fact, about anything except for giving loads of assignments and detentions."

Slughorn was not too pleased.
Lily, however, had quickly become his favorite, along with Severus. [color=blue] Lily possessed an amazing knowledge of herbs and magical fungi for a Muggle-born of her age, due to extensive reading, and Severus had a natural affinity for the most imaginative ways of potion-making, surprising Slughorn with his original ideas and eagerness to experiment.

That morning, while working on a potion to cure boils, Severus had suggested that an infusion of dried bubotuber pus added before the porcupine quills could possibly reduce the size of the blisters, and Slughorn was so impressed that he asked him to accompany him when he went to collect potions ingredients. He asked Lily to join them, too. She was happy to oblige. They both joined the Potions Master and visited the lake, where an interesting patch of leaping toadstools could be found.

Later that afternoon, the first-year Gryffindor boys were relaxing in the common room, playing chess. Remus reminded them that they had homework from Professor McGonagall. "We've got to read the chapter assigned and practice turning matches into needles, remember?"

"We've got all weekend for that," Peter said. "Let's do it tomorrow."


However, instead of practicing their wand movements, Peter and Remus decided that they couldn't be bothered and chose to spend the weekend exploring the grounds. "Remus, after breakfast, we should go down to the Forbidden Forest," Peter suggested.

"Okay," Remus agreed, "but isn't it out of bounds?"

"What is?" James said, with the light of mischief twinkling in his eyes.

"The Forbidden Forest," Remus said, is sure to have many fascinating creatures, but we're not supposed to go there, right?"

"Well," said Sirius, joining the conversation, "that's the best reason to do it, because it's not allowed!"

"Well we could always use my cloak, I guess. It'll cover all four of us, I think. We'll be able to take it off once we get to the forest," James said, winking conspiratorially. The four of them smiled and nodded in agreement.

Very soon, the four boys left the castle and proceeded slowly down the path, under the invisibility cloak. It was a bit uncomfortable, but they were sure they hadn't been spotted.

"Let's go over there," Sirius suggested, pointing towards a tree quite far into the forest. There was an interesting path that led to it.

"We can take off the cloak now as we're out of sight," said Remus matter-of-factly.

They shrugged off the cloak and looked all around. "I'm not sure about this," Peter whispered, his eyes darting furtively to the shadows beyond the nearest trees. "I've heard there are werewolves in here," he continued, edging closer to Remus.

James laughed. "I don't think—"

A loud SNAP! in the undergrowth made them all jump at once. "What was that?" whispered a very frightened and cowering Peter.

"Wands out!" Sirius commanded, as they peered into the foliage.

"Maybe we should head back," Remus suggested, but James and Sirius seemed too intent on investigating the mysterious sound, and started walking towards it. Suddenly, a menacing growl was heard, making them both retreat, faster than you could say, "Expelliarmus!"

"Fang! Heel!" a voice boomed. "How many times have I told yeh not to go chasing them bowtruckles?" Rubeus Hagrid, Hogwarts' caretaker, emerged from the gloom and advanced towards the four Gryffindors. "What yeh doin' wanderin' around here? Back ter school! Come, Fang!" Hagrid shepherded the miscreants back to the castle, then went to reinforce the fence around the newly-planted Whomping Willow.

The friends headed for the lake and saw the giant squid basking in the shallows. Lily was tickling his tentacles and Severus was sitting nearby, watching. "Sev, come and look," she called, "he's so friendly!"

Severus inched closer and cautiously reached down. One lone finger gingerly touched the squid and quickly retracted. "There, I've touched it."

Sirius walked up to the pair and said, "What are you doing with a slimy creature like that? Don't you think you could find something better to hang out with?"

"I like the giant squid and he's really not slimy," retorted Lily.

"I wasn't referring to the squid!" Sirius quipped, winking at James.

"Who are you talking about then?" Lily demanded angrily. She suddenly realized what Sirius meant, stood up quickly and stuck her finger into Sirius' face. "You take that back! Why are you always so nasty? Come on Sev, let's go!" She hauled him to his feet and they headed toward the castle.

"Wait!" James called.

Lily turned, glaring at James as though he was a rotten flobberworm. "Well? What do you want?” she asked accusingly. "More insults?" And without waiting to hear his answer, she turned on her heel and stormed off.

Severus looked back at the taunting duo with disdain and wondered why they continued to follow him and Lily around. "Always have to pair up to pick on someone. Pathetic!" Severus proclaimed, vehemently. "Brave Gryffindors? Don't make me laugh!"

Lily, calling over her shoulder, said, "Don't worry about those arrogant toerags, Sev. They just want attention."

James sighed as he watched her retreating back. Sirius shrugged and Severus left.

"Why did you do that if you like that girl?" Remus asked.

"But I didn't say anything this time!" James protested, loudly.

"Then why didn't you stop Sirius from having a go at Severus?"

"She really didn't give me a chance, Remus."

"It's hard luck when the girl you fancy," Sirius began, "won't even give you the time of day!"

"Shut up! I don't even like her!"

"Why not?" Peter asked. "Lily is very pretty and popular. She's a nice girl and very talented from what I can see in all of our classes."

"She's a swot," Sirius muttered. "Who'd want to go out with someone like that?"

"Sirius, you know you get good marks yourself. Maybe you're a swot too," laughed James.

"Well, I'm naturally brilliant, suave, sophisticated and handsome," Sirius replied, clapping his friend's back.

"Suave? What does that mean?" Peter asked, unsure if Sirius knew what he was talking about. The four of them just laughed the whole thing off and headed back to the castle.

Lily and Severus had flopped down under the shade of a tree. The water was so calm and peaceful. Despite the taunting, Severus was enjoying the warm September day, especially with Lily sitting beside him and chatting about their latest Potions lesson. They had both found that they enjoyed the artful complexity of potion-making. Other students complained about all the chopping and measuring, but Severus was fascinated by the endless possibilities in combining different ingredients.

"Did you see what happened when I combined the dried nettles with stewed horn slugs?" asked Lily.

"Yes," Severus smiled. "That wisp of purple smoke rose and spun in circles! That was amazing!"

"And when you added the crushed snake fangs, sparks twinkled right above the cauldron's surface!" added Lily excitedly. "Reminded me of when Tuney had sparklers on her birthday cake."

"I still can't believe she had the nerve to write to the Headmaster, asking to be accepted into this school. She's not magical at all! Muggles don't belong here. She—"

"Hang on, Sev," Lily protested. "I know Tuney has been a bit rude to you when we've been together, but she's still my sister and she must feel so awful not being able to come here. So don't be mean!"

"But, Lily, I only meant that she wouldn't fit in here. She'd be an outcast," Severus explained. "She'd always say the wrong thing, and—"

"You're just being cruel, Sev! Stop! Besides, you're one to talk! You don't exactly fit in back home, do you?"

"I don't care about fitting in with Muggles. I've never felt the need to talk to them or get to know them!"

Beside herself, Lily seethed, "My whole family are Muggles, so I guess you don't want me around either! I might as well become friends with that Gryffindor gang! At least they aren't prejudiced against Muggle-borns!" With that, Lily got up, whipped around, and marched off towards the castle.

Severus rushed after her, saying, "Lily, wait! That's not what I meant at all. You are the best sort of person I've ever met." He faltered, then said, "I'm sorry for saying... I didn't mean to..." Severus looked awkwardly down at his scuffed shoes.

Lily sighed. She stopped and turned back, saying, "Sev. Listen. Sometimes you get carried away when you talk about Muggles. Remember, I'm Muggle-born! Merlin's pants! The next thing I know, you'll be hating me, too. I couldn't be friends with someone who hated people because they're Muggles—"

“I don't," Severus interrupted. "Really."

Lily's stare penetrated his own, as if she were trying to read his thoughts. "Sev, let's forget it, okay? Why don't we go to the library and research rare potion ingredients? Maybe Professor Slughorn will be there, too."

Severus nodded, and they walked off together.





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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:53 am

These stats were first posted by Potteraholic - Nov 30, 2010 10:26 am (#2238 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Statistics for A Revised Version of Story 122(R)

Total Words in original version: 2000
Total Words in revised version: 2415

Based on a few post-story comments about the original version of "Hogwarts, Year One, 1970" having a section in the beginning to middle of the story jumping around a bit in the narrative and not having enough specific information, it was deemed a good one to revise. This revision of an already finished story is the 2nd one Five Worders have written.

This revision was started on Nov 8, 2010 at 11:07 pm, and ended on Nov 29, 2010 at 7:42 pm. It took 83 posts and 415 words. Six sentences (in 3 sections) were re-ordered, and the wording was changed in one sentence.






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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:56 am

These post-story comments were first posted by Potteraholic - Nov 30, 2010 10:27 am (#2239 of 2839) [Edited Dec 13, 2010 7 am] on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Post-Story Comments for Story #122(R), Volume XII,
Potty Five Words: A Revision of "Hogwarts, Year One, 1970"

The following comments are about a revision done for Five Words story #122,"Hogwarts, Year One, 1970". This revision was written from November 8, 2010 to November 29, 2010. This is the 2nd Five Words story to be revised. Four writers (Potteraholic, Julia H, mona amon, and Verity Weasley), participated in this revision, and 415 words were added to the original story's length of 2,000 words. Three of the four writers posted feedback.

- Potteraholic, Nov 30, 2010 11:26 am: Our 2nd revision story is done! This one was a bit trickier to revise than the first one, and took more than double the posts to revise it than the other story (415 vs. 175). But I think we improved the story considerably and helped the story flow better.

The added changes didn't change the main plot at all (the tension between Lily/Severus and James/Sirius); they just helped paint a more detailed picture of scenes and conversations that were rushed and a bit mixed-up before, specifically the Transfiguration and Potions class sections.

- Verity Weasley, Nov 30, 2010 3:24 pm: About the last story, I agree that the revision really helped to flesh it out. As you said, PAH, it didn't change the main events of the story at all but it really helped the first part to be less choppy. It added a lot of detail but made the story flow a lot better.

- mona amon, Dec 3, 2010 1:29 pm: The extra bits that we added connected the jumpy bits together nicely, and the story flows much better. It has definitely benefitted from the revision!






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:00 am; edited 4 times in total

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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 4:26 pm

This story was first posted by Potteraholic - Dec 11, 2010 11:36 am (#2331 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Potty Five Words: A Revision of "Neville and the Mandrakes: Mission Possible"


NOTE: The revisions to the story are written in blue.
- Sentences that were re-ordered are written in italics.
- Wording that was changed is underlined.

Neville opened the greenhouse door very quietly. It was dark, but he wanted to check on the Mandrakes, even though he knew that they would probably be covered up. The cold chilled him to the bone. Neville wished he had worn the red and gold scarf his Gran had ordered specially from Madame Malkin's Robes for All Occasions to mark his return to school. It had been Neville's favorite scarf ever since.

Adjusting to the dim wandlight, he carefully slipped into the deserted greenhouse, and went carefully past the sprouting Venomous Tentacula. Its spiky dark red flowers and faintly rattling seedpods fascinated him, but he didn't stop to look because he didn't fancy getting bitten again.

Holding his wand out so its light could shine directly ahead, he made his way toward the room where the Mandrakes were. A pair of earmuffs lay on the floor among the pots of Fanged Geraniums. As Neville reached down to pick up the fluffy muffs he stiffened as he suddenly noticed something very unusual: two sets of muddy footprints that led off towards the Mandrakes. "Hominum revelio," Neville whispered as he took his wand and pointed it, quickly, at the area behind the plants.

The Creevey brothers, Colin and Dennis, stepped out looking excited. "Neville!" Dennis crowed. "I'm glad it's you! For a moment, I thought it was Snape and was afraid we were Blast-Ended Skrewt food!"

"But what are you two doing here?" Neville asked incredulously.

"Well, we wanted to have a look at Dumbledore's tomb and put some flowers on it," replied Colin, showing a battered bouquet of oddly shaped blossoms to an astonished Neville.

"We picked puffapods," Dennis said proudly. "They are wonderful plants, don't you agree?"

"Yes, I think Dumbledore would've liked them," Neville answered quietly.

"What are you doing here?" Colin asked Neville. "It's dangerous to be out alone after dark."

"I was thinking that I should check on the Mandrakes," Neville explained. "But, tell me, how'd you get down here without getting caught?"

Colin winked and said, "We learnt a few things from following Harry and Ron around. But I wish we had an invisibility cloak. We almost got spotted by the Carrows as we were walking past the Great Hall."

Neville couldn't imagine how they were all going to return without trouble. Taking the puffapods to Dumbledore's grave would be risky. "We could ask Peeves for help," Neville suggested. "But first, I need to check on those Mandrakes."

The three of them continued to the far end of the greenhouse, where the Mandrakes were kept. Donning a pair of earmuffs each, they entered the room and froze in surprise as they saw a most unusual sight: Professor Slughorn polishing the leaves of the Mandrakes with a white cloth. He looked up with a start, and almost dropped the cloth.

"Merlin's beard!" he exclaimed. "What are you three doing here? And take those ridiculous things off!" He pointed to their earmuffs, gesturing the boys to remove them, saying, "The Mandrakes won't hurt you while they're in their pots. Surely you know that, Mr. Longbottom?"

"My ears were cold," said Neville, after removing the earmuffs.

"In a greenhouse?" Professor Slughorn asked. Neville shrugged. Slughorn continued, "Three Gryffindors? After dark? What are you up to? If you're found by the Carrows you will be severely punished," he said, frowning. "I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"Thanks for your concern, Professor," said Neville. "I just had to check that the Mandrakes are safe and secure. They are rather rare and valuable, aren't they, Professor?"

Slughorn looked a little sheepish as he folded his arms across his huge belly and sighed. "True," he said. "The leaves are priceless on the black market, and in these troubled times a few extra galleons would certainly help, wouldn't they?"

Slughorn's eyes scrutinized the three boys standing in front of him. "What do you know about the uses of Mandrake leaves? Everyone knows about the roots but do you know that carefully tended, top quality leaves, especially the darker purplish ones, are so highly prized throughout our world?"

"Why, Sir?" asked Colin breathlessly.

"They are used in making the antidote for poisonous snake bites that would otherwise prove lethal, like from the snake belonging to You-Know-Who himself, which bit Mr. Weasley. Remember?"

Neville nodded and swallowed hard. He remembered what happened during his fifth year just before Christmas. His suspicion concerning Slughorn was alleviated a bit. Just to be sure, he decided to test the waters with an obvious trap. "Professor, will you be taking some of the leaves with you, back to your office?"

Slughorn pondered what Neville had meant by that. "Taking the leaves at this early stage of growth would harm these delicate plants, as you know, Longbottom, and the time may come when they'll be needed to save lives."

Neville blinked in surprise. After all, Slughorn was a Slytherin, and Slytherins were not noted for their concern for others.

Slughorn put the polishing cloth away. "Longbottom, what exactly brings you here at this time of the night? And for October, quite a chilly one, too..."

Neville beckoned to the Creevey brothers, who immediately stepped closer to him as they wanted to hear every word of his explanation. Leaning forward, they held their breath while Neville began to speak.

"I had a hunch that these Mandrakes could prove useful in our fight against the Death Eaters. If I can hide a few, we may be able to have some ready in case of an attack."

Colin's eyes narrowed. "How would the Mandrakes help us fight Death Eaters?"

"The cry of the Mandrake can prove fatal," Neville reminded Colin. "We could use that advantage, if Voldemort mounts an attack here. And the roots could be used to help those who'd been hit by curses."

Slughorn was nodding in agreement, impressed by Neville's farsightedness. "We just need to make sure you don't forget your earmuffs," he said.

"So are we going to hide one of the Mandrakes?" Dennis suggested, grinning broadly. "Where should we hide it?"

"I've already thought of the perfect place," whispered Neville, rubbing his hands together, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Really, Longbottom? Do tell," Slughorn coaxed.

Neville hesitated. Could he really trust Slughorn? He was evidently on their side, but what if someone else appealed to his opportunistic side? Would he be able to resist? But, it could be useful to have a teacher on their side as they would be less constrained by the Carrows' new regulations.

"I thought we could hide them in the Room of Requirement," said Neville, "and it could become a hideout, or 'safe house', for DA members."

"With a mini-greenhouse?" said Dennis in a breathless voice, his eyes alight with anticipation.

"Yes," agreed Neville," among other things, you know... that people need to fight and protect themselves from the Death Eaters."

"What about these puffapods?" asked Colin, holding up his battered bouquet. "I really want to put some on Dumbledore's grave."

"Well, you'd better do it quickly," Slughorn advised. "The doors will be locked in half an hour, and you don't want to be caught outside after curfew. The Carrows are not to be trifled with."

"Take a Mandrake each, and don't let their roots get exposed," cautioned Neville, reaching for a large potted Mandrake and hiding it under his cloak. "We need to get out of here, and fast!"

Neville led the way out of the greenhouse, and soon the four of them were heading towards the white tomb, thankful for the cover of darkness and the long shadows.

Presently they saw the gleaming white marble tomb up ahead against the dark background of the lake, and were soon standing before it.

Slughorn looked as if he might start to head back to the castle... but he didn't. Instead, he watched, silent and motionless and seemed deep in thought. His eyes glistened with emotions, which he quickly wiped away when Colin carefully placed the puffapods at the foot of the tomb. He then turned to Dennis and said, "You had better get yourself—"

"Shhh! Someone's coming!" Neville whispered in a panicked voice and all four wizards immediately fell silent. Slughorn acted quickly and Disillusioned the boys. They stepped back into the shadowy bushes near the grave and immediately blended in with the surroundings. Two sets of footsteps got closer. Slughorn didn't have time to hide the flowers before he saw Hagrid and Fang approaching.

"Oh, it's only you." Slughorn sighed with relief.

"Evenin' Professor," Hagrid nodded. "Cool night tonight. Looks like rain."

"Well ... yes," Slughorn agreed tentatively. "I don't suppose tonight would be a good night for a very long walk." He noticed that Hagrid was holding a shovel. "Been doing some digging?"

"Jus' lookin' fer some some Gurdyroots. Miss Lovegood tells me they can be— Blast! I've left me bucket behind. I'll 'ave to go back fer it now. Come on, Fang!"


"I'll be on my way, then," Slughorn called to Hagrid's retreating back. "Okay you three," Slughorn whispered to the three Gryffindors. "Get ready." Just as he was about to undo the Disillusionment Charm that he had cast on the boys, the unmistakable voice of Amycus Carrow sounded behind him.

"Slughorn!" Amycus bellowed. "What's going on 'ere? Why are you out 'ere at this hour?" There was a vicious sneer playing around his lips.

"I-I-I... needed some potion ingredient," stammered Slughorn, trying to keep his voice level. "There's a patch of knotgrass somewhere here."

"What? Knotgrass? At night? At this time of the year? You're up to something, Slughorn."

The Death Eater advanced menacingly towards Slughorn, who looked a bit queasy. Suddenly, he caught sight of the bouquet of puffapods propped up against the tomb.

"What are they doin' 'ere?" growled Amycus. He grabbed the puffapods and flung them into the bushes and then poked his wand in Slughorn's face.

"Payin' yer respects, I see," he said, with scorn.

Hagrid, back with his bucket of Gurdyroots, growled from the shadows, "That's right," causing both Slughorn and Amycus to jump back a step in surprise. "Yer got a problem with me askin' Professor—"

Hagrid stopped abruptly as a clod of earth flew past him and landed on Amycus's head, showering him with dirt.

Amycus looked a little bit dumbstruck and turned around to see where the missile had come from. Fortunately, the shadows hid the three Disillusioned kids, and since neither Hagrid nor Slughorn knew exactly where Neville and the Creeveys were by this time, they stood by, hoping Amycus would give up quickly and go back to the castle. Unfortunately, the Death Eater was not so easily deterred.

"Who's there? Who threw that?" Amycus shouted, pointing his wand at the trees. Then Neville threw a stone into the lake. The loud splash echoed through the silence of the night. "Something's not right out here," he grumbled, peering into the darkness.

"Perhaps it's a forest creature? Hagrid, any idea what it could be?" Professor Slughorn inquired.

"Could be a thestral," Hagrid suggested. "They've bin restles' lately."

"A thestral? Throwing mud? Pull the other one," scoffed Amycus. "I'm going to find whoever's lurking out there in the forest!"


But he stomped off into the bushes instead.

Once Amycus was out of earshot, Slughorn acted swiftly. "Quick, you three," he said removing the Charm, "get back to your dormitory as fast as you can and go straight to bed."

"Merlin's pants!" Hagrid cried when the three boys appeared before him. "Yeh've been here the whole time? So that's where tha' bit o' mud came from!" With a broad grin he whispered, "Off yeh go!"

As the three Gryffindors made their way back, the Mandrakes bulging visibly under their cloaks, Slughorn and Hagrid stood guard in case Amycus should return. Between them, they figured they could keep him occupied, giving the boys enough time to reach the castle. The puffapods that had fallen around the grave had burst into bloom, their large petals glowing in the moonlight like the floating candles in the Great Hall.

"I can't see them anymore," said Slughorn, squinting into the darkness, "I think they must be back at the castle by now."

As he said this, Amycus returned with the Headmaster at his heels.

Snape had noticed that some students were out of bed, and when he glanced out the window, he had seen shadowy figures by Dumbledore's tomb. On his way to investigate, he saw movement in the trees. He moved closer, stealthily approaching the careless dunderhead, who would be fortunate to be caught by him, instead of that conniving and cruel cretin Amycus Carrow, when suddenly he spotted the very same searching for something by wandlight among the bushes and trees.

"Amycus! he hissed, making the recently appointed 'professor' drop his wand in alarm, "Why're you blundering around in the bushes like a gormless idiot? I mistook you for a student."

"Severus!" Amycus replied. "Seen anyone else pass this way? There's someone messing about by the lake. I think there are students hiding somewhere here. If you come with me, I'll show you."

"All right," Snape growled. "Let's be quick, though. I don't have much time."

"Good evening Professor Slughorn, Hagrid," Snape said as he and Amycus reached Dumbledore's final resting place.

"Headmaster," nodded both men in reply.


Snape looked at the scene around him, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Well, Amycus, what did you want to show me?" he demanded, staring at the burgeoning puffapods with inscrutable face for a few moments.

The silence stretched out, becoming uncomfortable.

"Memorializing Dumbledore is expressly against the Dark Lord's orders," Amycus said pointedly.

"Who dropped these puffapods?" Snape burst out angrily.

"I put them on the tomb after my party for Harry," Hagrid said in a robust and hearty voice, causing Snape to clench his jaw. "Great man, Dumbledore! What would he say if he could see Hogwarts now, with the likes of you Death Eaters in charge? Criminals, more like!" he snorted in disdain. He looked back at Hogwarts, and said, "I'd have never believed it, Hogwarts in You-Know-Who's control. Unnatural..."

"You would be wise to keep your opinions to yourself," said Snape coldly. "Your duties can of course be carried out by Professor Grubbly-Plank. Again."

"I promised Professor Dumbledore I'd keep the kids safe," Hagrid growled.

"Be careful then," Snape advised.

"We will," said Slughorn, solemnly.

"Come," said Snape to Amycus. "I'll deal with these two later."

He turned and quickly walked away, his robes billowing angrily as he went.





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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #116(R) stats

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 4:41 pm

These stats were first posted by Potteraholic - Dec 11, 2010 11:36 am (#2331 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Statistics for A Revised Version of Story 116(R)

Total Words in original version: 1990
Total Words in revised version: 2420

Based on post-story comments about the original version of "Neville and the Mandrakes: Mission Possible" having various sections, especially from the middle to the end of the story, feeling rushed and lacking in plot detail, it was deemed a good one to revise. This revision of an already finished story is the 3rd one Five Worders have written.

This revision was started on Nov 30, 2010 1:33 pm, and ended on Dec 10, 2010 5:30 am. It took 86 posts and 430 words. One sentence was re-ordered, and the wording was changed in one sentence.





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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #116(R) post-story comments

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 4:44 pm

These post-story comments were first posted by Potteraholic - Dec 11, 2010 11:37 am (#2332 of 2839) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Post-Story Comments for Story #116(R), Volume XII,
Potty Five Words: A Revision of "Neville and the Mandrakes: Mission Possible"

The following comments are about a revision done for Five Words story #116, "Neville and the Mandrakes: Mission Possible". This revision was written from November 30, 2010 to December 10, 2010. This is the 3rd Five Words story to be revised. Five writers (Verity Weasley, Potteraholic, Phoenixfeather, mona amon, and Julia H.), participated in this revision, and 430 words were added to the original story's length of 1,990 words. Four of the five writers posted feedback.

- Potteraholic, Dec 11, 2010 12:54 pm: The revision of Story #116 is up! I think it was a tricky one to revise, with lots of missing plot that needed to be clarified, but one that definitely benefitted from the revision. With the process this time around, not only were there sections that needed some detail and clarification, but odd sentences here and there also needed a few words added in.

While I like the ending, which was untouched from the original, I'll echo what I said when the story was originally published: since the story started with Neville, it would've been nice for it to end with him, too.

- Verity Weasley, Dec 11, 2010 7:44 pm: I thought our last revision was very successful and was a big improvement on the original story. Where we added a few words here and there, it really helped the flow, and the larger sections worked well to flesh out the characters and explain the story a bit better. The flashback with Snape had me a bit confused there when we were writing it, but it was easier to understand when it was read in context. I still think the time-shift was a bit uncomfortable, but overall it did serve its purpose.

- Julia H., Dec 11, 2010 10:09 pm: I think the story has really improved - I don't know, I like the "flashback" scene, but then I tend to like things (like changes of the narrative perspective, too) which make the narration more varied. Granted, reading such a story requires more attention, but I don't see that as a problem.

As for the ending, yes, I remember that complaint now. We could have fixed it easily by adding a paragraph to the end about Neville returning to Gryffindor Tower and saying / thinking / doing something. Alas earwax. Maybe another time ... when we write a revision of the revision...

- mona amon, Dec 12, 2010 3:41 am: Just read the revised story, and must say it sounds very good. Even the ending with Severus Snape sounds OK now. I guess I've got used to it! I liked the flashback. I love anything to do with Severus, as long as it doesn't become sickly sweet and sentimental, and this one didn't!






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:01 am; edited 2 times in total

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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #113(R)

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 6:51 pm

This story was first posted by Potteraholic - Dec 26, 2010 7:00 pm (#2392 of 2842) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Potty Five Words: A Revision of "A Family Gathering"


NOTE: The revisions to the story are written in blue.


It was a chilly, cloudy Sunday morning, and Remus Lupin was in a desperate hurry. He was already late, and Tonks would be upset if he missed yet another meeting with her parents. Her patience had started to crack when she had organized a dinner with the specific purpose of introducing him to Ted and Andromeda last week, but he had booked himself for a trip, via portkey, to Paris instead. Tonks had been mollified when he said it was Order-related business, but she still suspected, rightly, as it happened, that he had engineered the trip to coincide with the planned meeting. He was going to have to apologize profusely this time; there was no avoiding it.

Remus gathered up his bag and some ruby red elf-made wine he had bought as a present for Tonks' parents. He regretted not getting a gift for Tonks, too, then spying an empty vase on a nearby windowsill, he had a sudden inspiration. "Flowers!" he said to himself, and ran out to the garden.

Later, wand in hand, he focused on his destination. The instant he envisioned her home, he felt the air compress around him. He landed, suddenly, in the dark lane outside the Tonks family home. Remus strode quickly up the garden path, but suddenly his courage failed him and he hovered by the front steps.

"What are you doing standing in the flower beds? We've been waiting for over an hour!" Tonks snapped from the doorway.

Remus stepped forward into the hall. "Sorry," he mumbled, looking down at his shoes. He removed his shabby traveling cloak, shyly revealing the rose he had plucked for her before Disapparating.

Her face lit up as she saw the flower. "Oh... Remus," she said softly. "You've never given me flowers before! You don't have to bring me gifts. I know you can't afford them."

Remus almost told her that he had not paid for it, but accepted her thanks with a smile , and quietly followed her inside.

Tonks took his hand and led him into the living room, where Andromeda and Ted were sitting, on the sofa. Tonks' parents both rose when they entered and shook Remus' hand, before ushering him to a chair by the fireplace. Tonks perched herself on the arm of Remus' chair and rested her hand lightly on his shoulder. The friendly gesture made Remus feel happy and sad; happy that he had finally found someone to love him, sad that he didn't have more to offer.

"Welcome, Remus!" said Tonks' father. "Andromeda and I are so happy to finally welcome you to our home. We've heard so much about you. How was your trip to Paris?"

Remus smiled weakly and said, "Sorry I missed the dinner. It was business... Order-related. I wish I could say more, but..."

"Dora was just as surprised as we were that you were called away so suddenly, weren't you love?" said Ted.


Andromeda added, "And we were starting to think that you might be frightened of meeting us."

"We're harmless folks," said Ted, winking. "We don't bite, you know."

Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Tonks' parents didn't know his secret, he realized with a pang. This was going to be even more difficult than he had anticipated. Taking Tonks' hand in his, he cleared his throat and said, "Mr. and Mrs. Tonks, there's something I have to tell you. He paused and glanced at Tonks.

"Go on, tell them now, sweetheart!" Tonks said, smiling encouragingly at Remus, who could feel his heart pounding.

Ted and Andromeda looked expectantly at Remus. Andromeda said, "It sounds like there might be a secret between the two of you."

"It's really my secret," Remus sighed miserably. "I've been carrying the weight of it since my childhood. The only way I can tell you is to just say it, and hope you'll understand, though I won't be surprised if you don't..."

"Tell us, Remus," Andromeda coaxed, gently. "We are only human, so we all have our problems."

"Yes," Ted replied. "There's a skeleton hidden in everyone's closet. You are our daughter's friend and if she is fine with you, I don't see why—"

"I'm a werewolf." The words left a ringing silence in the room as Ted and Andromeda stared at him in shocked disbelief. Tonks softly stroked Remus' hand. He exhaled deeply. He had confessed his secret to them, at last. Now they knew he was a monster, things couldn't get any worse.

"Mum, Dad, say something," Tonks said, but her parents remained mute, just looking at each other.

Ted had been completely unprepared for this revelation. A werewolf? he thought. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting Remus to say, but certainly not that. Ted rubbed his chin and tried to reconcile what he had heard about werewolves with this gentle man sitting in front of him. Andromeda's mind immediately turned to her possible future as a grandmother. She'd always imagined that, being an only child, Nymphadora would want to have at least two children, but now she just didn't know what to think.

"Now, Dora," Ted began uncertainly, but Tonks didn't let him finish.


"Dad, remember what you just said! I love you both, but I love Remus too! He is not a bad man! In fact, he is the nicest, most tender-hearted and lovable man I know. He can't help what was done to him, and he does everything he can to avoid hurting people."

"Nymphadora, please calm down," Andromeda soothed.


Remus rose quickly and said, "I should probably leave so you can—"

"You're not going anywhere! You're staying here till we get this sorted out," Tonks said fiercely.

Her parents exchanged anxious looks. "Calm down, Dora," Ted said. "And Remus, please don't go away. It's a bit of a shock, but, as I said, you're Dora's friend."

"Yeah, Dad, he is!" Tonks declared, linking her arm in his.

"Nymphadora, how long have you known about this? You never told us anything!" Andromeda gently rebuked.

"I've always known, just as I've always known what a kind, generous person he is."

"I understand that dear, but you must realize that this has certain implications... for the future... should you have children... have you talked about getting married? Or—"

"Your concerns are perfectly justified," Remus said. "A life with a werewolf is an experiment, a big risk. Many would rather leave than stay to find out what happens." He cast a meaningful glance at Tonks, then said, "I've explained this to you, but you still want to be with me."

"Yes," Tonks said, looking squarely at her parents. "Look, the transformations don't happen unpredictably. As long as Remus drinks his Wolfsbane Potion when the full moon is coming, he won't suffer the full effects of his condition, so he can lead a fairly normal life without harming anyone." Tonks glared at her parents as they sat, silently, mulling over the situation. Remus continued to look at Tonks with concern.

At last Ted nudged his wife, who was sitting deep in thought. "Dromeda! I know it'll take some getting used to, but remember when you introduced me to your parents? They looked at me as though I was a flobberworm.

Andromeda winced as she recalled the painful memory, but a moment later, her face softened and she gave Remus a watery smile. "If Nymphadora's quite sure you're the one for her then we can think the same, too."

"Thanks, Mum," Tonks enthused. "I knew you'd understand! I remember you telling me how you got blasted off the family tree tapestry in your parents' house after you met Dad. I hope it can be restored one day."

"I don't need a place on an old tapestry, in a decrepit house, full of unhappy memories! My present family means more to me now, and I'd never force you to choose between us and the man you love!" Andromeda declared. "Your happiness is very important to us."

Tonks got up and hugged both her parents. "I knew that you would understand."

"Right, our lunch is getting cold," announced Ted, standing up, moving to the table, and raising his glass of wine. The others followed suit. "Here's to Dora and Remus!" Ted began, looking at the young couple.

"Ehrm..." Remus shifted his gaze quickly, from Tonks to her parents, and back again. Perhaps it was time he made his intentions clear, once and for all. "Mr. and Mrs. Tonks, your daughter is a wonderful woman and I love her, very much. She thinks I can make her happy, and I will try my best to do so. All I ask is that you give me a chance. A chance to settle down and have some time together before life in the wizarding world gets even worse than it is now."

"Let's raise our glasses once again," said Ted, with a pensive smile. "To Dora and Remus! And to a peaceful life together!"






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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 6:54 pm

These stats were first posted by Potteraholic - Dec 26, 2010 7:01 pm (#2393 of 2842) [Edited Dec 29, 2010 12:02 pm] on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Statistics for A Revised Version of Story 113(R)

Total Words in original version: 1200
Total Words in revised version: 1490

Based on a few post-story comments about the original version of "A Family Gathering",as well as some comments made while Five Worders were deciding which story to work on next, it was decided that an explanation about Remus' trip to Paris was needed, as well as more reaction from Tonks' parents about Remus' secret. This revision of an already finished story is the 4th one Five Worders have written.

This revision was started on Dec 11, 2010 7:44 pm, and ended on Dec 20, 2010 10:21 pm. It took 57 posts and 290 words; the 57th post contained an extra submission of 5 words. In addition to new sections being written, words/phrases were added here and there, and Tonks' name was changed to 'Dora' or 'Nymphadora' depending on which parent was addressing her.






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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #113(R) post-story comments

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 6:55 pm

These post-story comments were first posted by Potteraholic - Dec 26, 2010 7:02 pm (#2394 of 2842) [Edited Dec 27, 2010 12 pm] on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Tonks_11

Post-Story Comments for Story #113(R), Volume XII,
Potty Five Words: A Revision of "A Family Gathering"

The following comments are about a revision done for Five Words story #113, "A Family Gathering". This revision was written from December 11, 2010 to December 20, 2010. This is the 4th Five Words story to be revised. Five writers (Verity Weasley, Julia H. Potteraholic, mona amon, and Phoenixfeather), participated in this revision, and 290 words were added to the original story's length of 1,200 words. Two of the five writers posted feedback.

- Potteraholic, Dec 26, 2010 8:51 pm: I think our revision worked out the problems folks had about the original story quite well. There were times when I wasn't really sure what to post, since I had no idea what Ted or Andromeda would be thinking. Also, I didn't have much of a problem with the original story, so knowing which section to revise next, once a section was completed, was a bit tricky to figure out.

- Verity Weasley, Dec 27, 2010 11:55 am: I think the previous story was much improved by the revisions. Sometimes you can recognise that a story needs improvement without necessarily knowing how to go about improving it. However, here with all of us working together, a vague idea turns into concrete revisions, and I think the resulting story is much better as a result. That rather clumsy 'Paris' section was dealt with fairly succinctly, and then referring to it again later in the story cemented it as a relevant detail rather than a peculiar anomaly. Adding depth to the reactions of Tonks' parents to the news was tricky, but it turned out well, and makes it a much more believable story. All in all, a job well done!






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:03 am; edited 2 times in total

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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #114(R)

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 6:59 pm

This story was first posted by Potteraholic - Apr 9, 2011 4:07 pm (#2837 of 2840) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Potty Five Words: A Continuation of "Dear Sisters"


NOTE: These letters pick up where the first set left off. Nothing from those first letters has been revised. These letters jump ahead a few years as they go along, starting with Year 1, skipping to Year 4, then ending at Year 7.


Year 1

14th September 1970

Lily,

I can't believe you'd have a slimy toad for a pet! What kind of person gives such a nasty creature as a toad to a friend? And as for your school, do they really allow such pets? I'm sure they carry horrible germs and diseases. It would be better if you got rid of it immediately. Any decent friend would've gotten you something sensible, like a budgie. Or, better yet, a plant. That way, you wouldn't have to clean up after it and it wouldn't matter if it died, even.

Mum has been keeping busy with her flower arranging classes and hasn't been missing you at all. And Dad and I have been working on my science project, 'Cleaning Machines Through The Ages.' It's been so fascinating! I'm researching hoovers now. Did you know that the first hoover was made with silk? I can't wait to hand it in. I expect it'll be the best one, and I'll get top marks. Dad said that he'll take Mum and me out to have Sunday lunch at that nice café on the High Street next weekend when it's finished. Right, I better get back to my research. I just found a book about washing machines and I can't wait to read it.

You were very rude to me in your previous letter. You should work on your manners.

Love,

Petunia




16th September 1970

Petunia,

Work on my manners, indeed! How about yours, Petunia? You called my friends 'freaks'. That's not very polite, is it? You should mind your own manners first! Don't give me any advice you're not prepared to follow yourself. That's being a hypocrite. You know what that is, right? A hypocrite? So, before you go around telling other people what to do, try thinking about your own words and actions first!

Lily




30th September 1970

Dear Lily,

I'm sorry you misunderstood what I was trying to say in my last letter. I wasn't being a hypocrite, silly. I was just trying to protect you. Now that you're at that school, all on your own, you might not realize those sorts of problems. I was just trying to be a good older sister. Okay?

Anyway, at school last week, a stupid model of a working windmill won first place instead of my cleaning machines project. It's not fair. It made me so upset that I only cleaned my lunchbox once, not twice, like I normally do. I couldn't eat more than a bite of my lunch, knowing that.

Next week, Gran and Granddad are coming to stay. They'll be here for a week. We're going to go and see all the sights in London. I can't wait to see everything. It's too bad that you can't come too, but I'll tell you all about it in my next letter.

Love,

Petunia




2nd October 1970

Dear Petunia,

I hope you have a nice time with Gran and Granddad in London. I'd like to read about what you get up to when you go sightseeing.

Guess what? I'm learning how to fly in Madam Hooch's class. I managed to stay on all the time, even though the broomstick is so skinny. I found out something about broomsticks you might find interesting. It seems that the inventor of the hoover used a broomstick in his design. I read about it in a book.

Here, boys are crazy about brooms, and talk about them all the time. They boast about who's got the best, the fastest, and the newest broom, but sometimes I think it is nothing but a waste of time. There are quicker and safer ways of getting around, and more interesting things to do with your free time. For example, the game of gobstones is fun, but you probably wouldn't like it. If you lose a point, a nasty liquid squirts out at you! I've just found out that Severus's mum was captain of the gobstones team of her House. Imagine that!

Now Tuney Fish, see? Isn't this much nicer? Just sharing our news, and not giving each other unnecessary advice? Let's try that.

Love,

Lily




Year 4

7th September 1973

Petunia,

I hope you had a good time in Cornwall. I didn't. I wish I had never agreed to stay with your friends for our holiday. You said that we wouldn't go shopping more than once or twice, but we went every single day! Twice on Saturday! And you hardly bought anything! I wanted to visit Tintagel Castle and tell my friends that I visited the home of King Arthur. But, thanks to you and your friends, I never had the chance. It was a wasted opportunity.

Now I know better than to let you talk me into things. You're just selfish. I thought this holiday would be fun and make us closer again. I feel like you can't be bothered either way. We used to be best of friends before. Now, we're almost like strangers. Next time, don't bother asking me to join you and your friends for anything.

Ever.

Lily




14th September 1973

Dear Lily,

I don't know why I bothered to invite you to Cornwall. I should have known you'd be all moody and awkward. I just wanted to show you that life is much more fun without your freaky friends and stupid magic tricks, but you really didn't make an effort to get to know my friends or to try and show an interest in the things we wanted to do. And you embarrassed me every time you said, "Merlin's pants". What sort of an expression is that? A weird one, that's what! You were sounding like such a ninny going on about that Tingle Castle and King Arthur. He's just a myth. Everyone knows that he wasn't real. And Morgan le Fey never did anything special, I reckon.

So, it would've been a stupid waste of time to go see that pile of ruins when there are shops to visit and lovely things to look at. Window shopping can be fun, and costs nothing. Just because we didn't always buy something doesn't mean that it wasn't fun or worthwhile to visit the shops.

Anyway, it's no use trying to make me feel bad just because you don't know how to have a nice, normal outing with nice, normal friends. You've spent too much time living among freaks in that freak school of yours and I'm sorry I can't do anything to help you if you won't meet me halfway.

Petunia

P.S. For the Christmas holidays you can just stay where you are! That way, everyone will be happy! I hope you enjoy your freaky Christmas!




30th September 1973

Petunia,

"Love, Petunia?" It didn't seem like you actually felt any, so why bother writing it? You're just pretending to care, when all your words are vicious and mean. For your information, all the people your age around here are much more mature than you, and a lot more normal as well. Don't you think it's silly to call people names when you don't really know them at all?

Anyway, we'd better try to put this behind us and move on, or we might as well stop writing to each other. Besides I'll be coming home for Christmas anyway. You'll just have to accept it. And I'll ask Mum and Dad if I can bring a friend over for the holidays. Mary will write a research paper for Muggle Studies and it would be a great opportunity for her to observe our customs. Her topic is
"Television and Telephones: How Muggles Use Telecommunication Appliances and Media". I'm sure you could teach her with all the time you spend watching telly. Not to mention those endless telephone conversations you have with all your friends. I've told Mary all I know, but she wants the chance to see Muggles in real life.

She is so excited about meeting you, so please be kind to her. It's going to be great fun! I hope Mary's parents will agree to let her stay the entire holiday with us. She's never seen the inside of a Muggle family's house before. She'll sleep in my room, so you don't have to worry about sharing yours. It'll be such fun. I can't wait!

Love,

Lily




9th October 1973

Dear Lily,

Are you serious? You mean to have one of your freaky friends from that freaky school of yours actually come and stay in our house? It's bad enough that that awful boy from Spinner's End hangs around with you every summer and Christmas break, but now you want to bring an embarrassing abnormality into our home! Do you think you and your friends are the sorts of people who can safely mingle with normal people like me, and my friends? What if this Mary tries to turn one of us into a bat or something? Have you thought about that? I hope Mum and Dad don't agree to it. It's my holiday, too, and I can't think of anything worse than having our house being set upon by strange mutants from the planet Zog.

As for being used as some kind of guinea pig for a school project? No thank you! Your friend can just find someone else to experiment on.

Petunia




Year 7

17th January 1977

Dear Petunia,

I hope you enjoyed your dinner with your friend Vernon. Mum told me it was coming up and that you were very excited about it. Did you serve one of those delicious cakes with whipped cream and sugared violets on top? You must have got a lot of compliments if you did. I remember how much Mary loved your cooking, when she spent the Christmas holidays with us!

What did you wear? Did you buy a new dress for the occasion? You must have looked nice! Was Vernon impressed?

I was glad to hear that Dad's going to join the choir after all. He's got such a fine bass voice. I wish I could be there for his first concert. Mum said he's been practicing hard, even giving up watching cricket on Sunday afternoons. I can hardly believe it. What do you think? Will he keep up with it? I wish Mum had more time for her flower arranging, but she's working longer hours these days, isn't she?

We have a careers advice meeting coming up soon to help us decide what we want to do after leaving Hogwarts. I'm not sure yet, but I think I would like a potions-related job or maybe something in law enforcement. As I told you during the holidays, there is an atmosphere of uneasiness amongst the Wizarding community. I would really like to do something to help fight oppression.

Write back soon and tell me about your special dinner.

Love,

Lily




23rd January 1977

Dear Lily,

The dinner with Vernon was a big success! I was wearing a new dress that I bought with my Christmas money. Vernon couldn't take his eyes off my pudding. You were right... I did serve a delicious cake, but it wasn't the one with the sugared violets. I do have other desserts in my repertoire, thank you very much. I'm not as predictable and boring as you are.

Wanting to fight oppression? What sort of a career choice is that for a young lady? It's not! How do you ever hope to get a nice, normal husband with such ridiculous notions. You would be much better off getting a job as an office assistant or something normal like that, and then you're sure to find a more suitable husband. I'm going to ask Vernon to invite his friend Quentin around when you come home for the Easter holidays. You'll like him. He likes to go fishing and he's training to be a manager at Grunnings, where Vernon works as well. He'll be looking forward to meeting my sister, and I hope you won't embarrass me again!

Petunia




14th April 1977

Petunia,

I know you were disappointed but I had warned you not to try and play matchmaker. I told you I wouldn't trade James for anyone. He's turned out to be everything I could ever want in a boyfriend.

Vernon seems a nice, steady sort of person and I'm pleased you're happy. But please tell him that I'm definitely not interested in attending the Grunnings annual company picnic with Whatever-His-Name-Was! And please don't ask me again!

Must dash! James and I are working on our Potions homework. It's not his strongest subject!

Love,

Lily




24th April 1977

Lily,

I can't believe how silly you're being, turning down this wonderful opportunity! I think you like being abnormal! I'm doing what I can to try and help you to minimize the damage your education will have on your life. If you're not even going to give being normal a try, I don't think I'll bother spending much time with you in future. I can't let a loony sister ruin my chances with Vernon and having a normal life. Don't bother writing to me again until you come to your senses!

Good luck, Silly.

Petunia






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:11 pm; edited 5 times in total

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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 7:04 pm

These stats were first posted by Potteraholic - Apr 9, 2011 4:07 pm (#2838 of 2840) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Statistics for A Continuation of Story 114(R)

Total Words in 1st set of letters: 860
Total Words in 2nd set of letters : approx. 2200

Based on a few post-story comments about the original version of "Dear Sisters" — the consensus was that the first set of letters was fun to write — when it was time to choose another story to revise, I thought we should follow-up on Verity’s idea: "... it would be easy to pick it up and continue the series of letters at another time." (Oct 9, 2009 2:22 am). This revision/continuation of an already finished story is the 5th one Five Worders have written.

This revision/continuation was started on Dec 26, 2010 at 8:51 pm, and ended on Apr 9, 2011 7:21 am. It took approx. 440 posts and 2200 words.






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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XII, Story #114(R) post-story comments

Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 7:06 pm

These post-story comments were first posted by Potteraholic - Apr 9, 2011 4:08 pm (#2839 of 2846) [Edited Apr 11, 2011 10 pm] on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Post-Story Comments for Story #114(R), Volume XII,
Potty Five Words: A Continuation of "Dear Sisters"

The following comments are about a revision/continuation done for Five Words story #114, "Dear Sisters". This revision was written from December 26, 2010 to April 9, 2011. This is the 5th Five Words story to be revised/continued. Five writers (Betelgeuse Black, Julia H., mona amon, Potteraholic, and Verity Weasley), participated in this revision, and approx. 2200 words were added to the original story's length of 860 words. Four of the five writers posted feedback, as well as one non-participant.

- Potteraholic, Apr 11, 2011 11:00 pm: Okay, Five Worders! The last Five Words story on this Harry Potter Lexicon FanFiction Forum here on World Crossing is posted. 

(I still can't believe it.) 

So, let's not go out with a whimper, okay folks? Please post your comments about this last story, and any other Five Words things you'd like to say. I'll start! 



Re: the story, given the very limited information we've been given by JKR about the particulars of the Evans sisters' lives as Muggles and the development of their relationship as Lily advanced through Hogwarts, I think we did quite a good job of imagining how their lives might have been. It was tricky at times coming up with the details of their Muggle lives, but I enjoyed the challenge of figuring out what some plausible plot details could be. 

How 'bout you, folks? 



And re: Five Wording... I love it! As sad as I am to leave here, and all the 1,000s of actual Five Words story posts behind — bolded five word story entries filled with greetings, questions, interesting suggestions for story ideas, etc., our new home will soon be filled with more of the same. Hopefully, more folks will join in, past Five Worders will return, and those who have just started playing this creative writing game will continue for more stories to come. 

Your turn!



- Puck, Apr 11, 2011 11:56 pm: Oh, I should have come sooner! I used to be such a frequent poster here. I would check this thread the moment I turned on the computer. I remember posting parties with multi car train wrecks! 

I love the letters. Very fun to read. You all did a great job! 

I can't believe this place is closing. Thanks to PAH and all those who have kept this alive!



- mona amon, Apr 12, 2011 3:33 am: I think the letters are a great success! This is a great way to say farewell to the FFF. 

I don't know if we learnt more about Lily and Petunia's characters and personalities, but I love the way so many interesting details were woven in to the story - the girls' grandparents, their parents' hobbies, the connection between Hoovers and broomsticks, Tintagel Castle, Merlin's pants, etc. And I'm so glad 'the awful boy' managed to find his way in! 

This line made me LOL - 

"I was wearing a new dress that I bought with my Christmas money. Vernon couldn't take his eyes off my pudding." 

Looking forward to posting on the new forum! 



- Verity Weasley, Apr 12, 2011 6:32 am: Mona, that line did sound funny when you read it back like that! 

I think we did a good job with the letters, communicating the growing tension between the sisters, culminating with Petunia's rather callous ultimatum. We could see how patient Lily was, trying so hard to still be a good sister, even while they were drifting further and further apart. We certainly had our more light-hearted moments in these series of letters, but it is quite sad to think how the relationship ended up. 



As for Five Words in general, I don't think it's a secret that I love it! I have more to say, but I have to get ready and go to work. Rest assured, I'll be back!

Julia H., Apr 12, 2011 6:50 pm: Thanks for saving the stories! 

I'm glad I have participated (albeit irregularly) in Five Words. It's a great game, and I'd like to continue it in the new forum. 

The letters were a lot of fun to write - I think we had the necessary amount of information about the Evans sisters and large enough gaps to fill them with our imagination. 

Since PAH said "We're always on the lookout for new story ideas" - I'll throw caution to the wind and list a few story ideas that I have secretly had:


- There must have been a story or two about the Founders of Hogwarts, but I'd love another one - a magical story set in Anglo-Saxon England! 


- Slughorn says he has used Felix Felicis twice in his life but he does not mention what for- it just makes me curious...


- It would be interesting to write young Hagrid's story from the breaking of his wand to the moment he became gamekeeper of Hogwarts.


- Some chapters from Bathilda's A History of Magic perhaps? 


- What happened in the Zoo after the Vanishing Glass incident? Did the Ministry of Magic investigate? How about Muggles? 

I must stop now but I may be back later ... 


- Verity Weasley,Apr 13, 2011 6:32 am (#2846 of 2846) You have some great ideas there, Julia. The story we wrote about the founders and the creation of the Sorting Hat was one of my favourites, so it could be fun to write another. And I love your idea about Slughorn and the Felix Felicis. 

This is what I love about Five Words. There are just so many stories to tell! One person on their own could never come up with so many ideas, but jointly we have created so many stories to expand the HP universe. And the stories we have created are all so different, including things like the school reports and the Daily Prophet. I have thoroughly enjoyed being a part of them all, and hope to continue for a long time yet!






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:05 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:17 pm

This page contains a list with links to all the stories written in Volume XIII.

Five Words Stories - Volume XIII

• Click on Story #126 (15 August 2010) for "Professor Longbottom and the Puzzling Plant"

• Click on Story #127 (21 August 2010) for "Professor Longbottom and the Puzzling Plant, Part II"

• Click on Story #128 (24 September 2010) for "The Daily Prophet, 10th March 2008"

• Click on Story #129 (9 October 2010) for "The Clean Half-Dozen: Saving Daniel Radcliffe"

• Click on Story #130 (6 November 2010) for "Bill and Fleur's Wedding: The Deleted Scenes", Five Year Anniversary Special!

• Click on Story #131 (12 December 2010) for "Harry's First Birthday"

• Click on Story #132 (1 January 2011) for "The Chronicles of Crookshanks"

• Click on Story #133 (16 February 2011) for "Professor Snape Reports"






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Last edited by Potteraholic on Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:05 am; edited 3 times in total

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Post  Potteraholic Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:50 pm

This story was first posted by Potteraholic - Aug 13, 2010 12:01 pm (#404 of 2792) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.


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Potty Five Words: "Professor Longbottom and the Puzzling Plant"


"Professor Longbottom, would you please come out here for a minute? I'd like to know about this plant with whiskers growing on its stalk," asked Albus Potter. He moved aside as Neville reached out and very carefully touched the tip of a leaf. The whiskers began to extend toward the sunlit windows of the greenhouse.

Neville scrutinized the leaf's surface. "Albus, where did you find this?"

"Right here, Professor." Albus pointed to a rather neglected patch, just outside the greenhouse door, which was really sunny on this balmy September morning.

"Curious," remarked Neville. "I've never seen this plant before last week, and now it's forming buds and is nearly two feet tall! I wonder how it grows so fast?"

"And what are the whiskers? Oh! What an awful odor!" Albus backed off hastily, wrinkling his nose and waving his hands as if to wave away the smell.

Suspiciously, Neville sniffed the plant. "An excellent defense mechanism, aye Albus?" smiled Neville, as he approached the plant cautiously. "I wonder who planted it here?"

"Perhaps it came up by itself, Professor?" said another curious voice behind them. Scorpius Malfoy slipped quietly up alongside Albus to have a closer look at the smelly, whiskered plant. The two boys exchanged a glance of mutual affability, while Neville turned back to the greenhouse. "I'm going to look this up, although I doubt I'll find anything in the usual texts."

Albus and Scorpius eyed each other before turning back towards the plant.

"What d'you think it is, Scorpius?" whispered Albus.

"Well, my grandad has something like it in his garden."

"Really?" Albus exclaimed. "That's wicked!"

Professor Longbottom glanced at him as he returned from his office, carrying an ancient tome with a cracked leather cover. "You say your grandfather has a similar plant in his garden? Did he ever talk to you about it, Scorpius?"

Young Scorpius wrinkled his brow and hesitated, "I remember him telling me not to touch it. He said it was a rare and precious plant, and shouldn't be handled carelessly."

"Tell me," encouraged Neville, "is there more than one plant like this in the garden or just that single specimen?"

"Oh, there are just a few," Scorpius replied.

Neville frowned. He had an instinctive distrust of anything connected with Lucius Malfoy. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Why does a wizard like Lucius have a plant like this in his home garden? Neville mused to himself. He's not the gardening type…

Professor," said Scorpius, "what's the matter? You look worried. Is anything wrong?"

"Wrong? No, I'm just concerned that this plant might be getting a bit too much exposure to the elements. Perhaps I could pay your grandfather a visit and get his advice on its care."

"That would be great! My grandad rarely has visitors and he loves showing off his garden! Watch out for the peacocks. One of them bit me in the ankle when I got too close."

"Thanks for the warning," said Neville, grinning at Scorpius. "Perhaps you'd like to accompany me? We could have a stroll there together and learn about the plants. I'm sure I could arrange for us to Floo over ...perhaps this weekend, if it's okay with your grandparents. How's your grandmother, by the way?"

"She's fine, Professor. I'm sure she'd love to show off her new house-elf's cooking skills," grinned Scorpius.

"I'll Floo-call this evening and ask her if it's okay. Do you think your parents would give you permission to leave school for a few hours?" asked Neville.

"I'll send them an owl after class," responded Scorpius excitedly. "I'm sure they'll agree! They might even join us."

Later, in the Slytherin common room, Scorpius was busy working on his horoscope that Professor Trelawney had assigned when he suddenly remembered that he hadn't invited Albus or any other friends to come along. He quickly scratched out another note, this one to Albus Potter, folded it, and summoned a house-elf to deliver it to the Gryffindor common room.

"Hey, Rose!" called Albus excitedly, "Scorpius just invited me to go with him and Professor Longbottom to visit his grandparents and investigate that strange plant and see their garden! He said I could invite a friend. Do you want to come along, too? We can look at the white peacocks and the other interesting things they have on their estate!"

"I'd love to come," declared Rose, "but I'll have to ask Mum and Dad. I hope they say yes." She paused. "They didn't get along in their school years... but that was years ago!" She hurried off to the owlery to send the request to her parents.

The following weekend, Neville and the three children met in his office, ready for their adventure. The green flames flared up in the fireplace as he tossed in the Floo powder. Scorpius went first and announced their arrival. He was soon followed by the others.

"Good morning, Professor," Lucius began graciously. "Good morning, Miss Weasley, Mr. Potter." He turned to an elderly house-elf and dispatched him to the kitchen for refreshments before embracing Scorpius in a brief one-armed hug, looking genuinely pleased to see his grandson. "Shall we go have a look at the garden? It is right this way."

They followed the elder Malfoy through a handsome passageway, and then out into a large garden, enclosed by a tall wrought iron fence. White peacocks roamed the lush garden, harmonizing beautifully with the exotic statues of ancient Egypt and fragrant and luxurious blooms and greenery. Neville stared. It was the most breathtaking garden he'd ever seen. Rare and valuable plants grew in profusion. Wherever his eye fell, there was some specimen he'd seen only in books, except for a whiskered plant, which looked almost like the one growing in front of Greenhouse Three.

Lucius gestured toward the plant and asked, "Is this the one you're interested in? You mentioned something about a similar plant at Hogwarts. That's very... curious," Lucius drawled, frowning. "I thought we possessed the only stock found in Britain. Are you sure Professor?"

Neville moved in for the acid test, a good way to ascertain the plant's pedigree. He gently rubbed his finger on a leaf. "Professor, I'm not sure that's wise. It's best to wear gloves when handling these particular—"

An overpowering stench was suddenly wafted towards Neville. The perpetrating plant was definitely the same as the specimen at Hogwarts: malodorous and whiskered! Neville backed away hurriedly, wiping his hand on his robe.

Scorpius, Albus, and Rose wrinkled their noses in disgust, turning their faces away as Neville's robe began to smoke, emitting a sulphuric stench.

Neville, his eyes watering, turned to Lucius and asked, "What's the best method for neutralizing the breakdown of fabric without this substance making contact with one's skin?"

Lucius raised his eyebrows and said, "It's quite difficult, actually. That's why I avoid touching this plant with anything but my dragon hide gloves."

Neville performed a vanishing charm, but the smell lingered unpleasantly in the air.

"Let's go inside for some refreshments," Lucius suggested, leading the way into Malfoy Manor.

"Hello, Grandmama," said Scorpius, pulling Rose and Albus out from behind him.

As both children shyly greeted Narcissa Malfoy, Lucius drew Neville aside. "Could we have a quick word, Professor?" he asked, with some urgency. Neville nodded and Lucius signaled to Narcissa to lead the children into the breakfast parlor, where an array of their favorite treats awaited them.

"This Noisome Vibrissa has been studied extensively by the wizards in America," Lucius explained. "It's one of the few exotics that can withstand our cold, damp weather."

"I wondered about that, considering where it's growing. How'd it get there in the first place?"

"Well, that is a mystery because you need to have a special license to transport it into England. That's what I did. It's difficult to secure those from the Ministry... it took me a year."

"This is what worries me," Neville began. "Who would have access, but wouldn't want me to know about it? Can you do some checking and find out, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I'll look into it," Lucius agreed.

"Mr. Malfoy, why do you own a restricted plant?" Neville enquired timidly.

"Perhaps you are unaware of this plant's tremendous properties, Professor... although that surprises me, given your extensive knowledge and experience. I remember Draco remarking on your... er... fondness for, and expertise with, plants."

"Really?" Neville exclaimed. "Now, that I didn't know. But you mentioned the plant's properties. I'm interested in hearing about them. Restricted American plants are not part of our curriculum. However, maybe it's time to broaden our coverage to include more foreign species."

The two men looked thoughtfully at each other. "I've got a book about North American plants that are unusual and rare. It describes how to care for, harvest, and use the Noisome Vibrissa. Its pods contain a potent ingredient that can be used to cure the most acute cases of lumbago, vanishing sickness, and sleepwalking. I've suffered from lumbago ever since Azka— ...but never mind that. Healers have been testing many potential uses of non-native plants in order—"

"Sorry, but why is it restricted then? It seems that a plant with such amazing curative powers would be available to anyone who could afford it."

“Unfortunately, Professor, even the most benevolent items can be misused. A modification here, a tweak there, and these plants can be quite harmful. That's why the Ministry is so keen on keeping track of them."

"And you're lucky enough to have them," Neville declared. “That still doesn't explain how ours got to Hogwarts."

"Yes, it is worrying, isn't it?"

"Perhaps a former Death—" Neville began, but stopped himself. "Of course, I don't think you..." He broke off, feeling awkward, looking down at the singed hole in his robe.

Lucius lifted his eyebrows, but remained silent. He felt like he would never be able to live down his past. "In the past, I made choices which I now regret. However, I've moved on, as should others." He moved over to where Neville stood and extended his arm forward, revealing the barely visible ghostly outline of the Dark Mark. "This image is a constant reminder of my misdeeds. Imagine having to explain this to my grandson. It's a source of great shame. It reminds me of all those whom the Dark Lord deemed to be inferior, and who suffered terrible consequences."

Neville was surprised by this gratuitous proclamation of remorse. He said, gravely, "My parents would have been glad to hear that. But they're not in any condition to listen to apologies, however heartfelt they may be. I accept your apology on their behalf."

Lucius nodded and turned away. A framed photograph of Draco and Narcissa stood on a nearby table, and he stared at it absently, thankful that all his loved ones had survived Voldemort's reign of terror. Finally, he lifted his eyes.

Neville had heard enough. "Yes, well, back to the subject of today's visit... this plant of yours. As you are so knowledgeable about its dangers, malevolent forces, someone like Voldemort, as well as others, may want to elicit this information from you in order to use the plant for Dark purposes. I think it's best that you keep your ownership of this plant to yourself. Which Ministry officials currently know about it? Could anyone outside the Ministry know?"

"I'm not sure," Lucius mused. "I suppose it's possible that some of my correspondence about the Noisome Vibrissa may have been intercepted. I'll ask Narcissa later and let you know."

"Thanks, that'd be helpful. Now, the children and I must be getting back to Hogwarts."

Once the three youngsters and Neville disappeared into the Floo, Lucius and Narcissa breathed a sigh of relief.

"Do you think the good... professor," Narcissa began with a smile, "suspects anything? Or did he believe your earnest story.

"Lucius gave her a long look and said, "That professor is sharper than I thought. We haven't seen the last of him."



NOTE: * image c/o www.entertainment.webshots.com





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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XIII, Story #126 stats

Post  Potteraholic Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:05 am

These stats were first posted by Potteraholic - Aug 13, 2010 12:02 pm (#405 of 2792) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Statistics for Story 126
ordered by first contribution to the story

  User
  # of Submissions  
  Potteraholic     103
  Verity Weasley     99
  HungarianHorntail11     3
  freshwater   36
  Julia H.   9
  legolas returns     20
  mona amon   53
  Solitaire   101
  Ludicrous Patents Office     5

The user in red is the rightful starter of the next story. They are welcome to pass on the privilege to the user who posted the second most number of times, who may in turn pass it to the user who posted the third number of times in the story, and so forth.

Total Submissions: 399
Total Words: 2000
Last Submission Date: #401, Aug 12, 2010, 8:12 pm, (Potteraholic)
Total Time to Create Story: 21 days, 16 hours, 6 minutes
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Last edited by Potteraholic on Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:08 am; edited 1 time in total

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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XIII, Story #126 post-story comments

Post  Potteraholic Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:07 am

These post-story comments were first posted by Potteraholic - Aug 16, 2010 3:39 pm (#452 of 2792) [Edited Dec 13, 2010 1 am] on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Post-Story Comments for Story #126, Volume XIII,
Potty Five Words: "Professor Longbottom and the Puzzling Plant"

This story was written from July 22, 2010 to August 12, 2010. Nine writers contributed to the story, which is 2,000 words long. Four of the nine writers posted feedback.

- Potteraholic, Aug 13, 2010 12:03 pm: This story was an interesting one to be a part of, especially when the Malfoys were introduced. We each had our own ideas of how remorseful they would be post-DH, but somehow we had to contribute posts that helped the story flow and be cohesive, despite our divergent opinions. I think we did very well, in spite of these differences. I think the first part of the story, dealing with the smelly whiskered plant, went on a tad too long. While I appreciate descriptive sections of narrative, I feel like we need to be judicious about where we include them, as posts within a story are limited. Strong verbs, adjectives, and adverbs can pack a lot of meaning in a few words.

- Solitaire, Aug 15, 2010 2:05 pm: I really liked the story, PAH. In fact, I thought it read very well and had some rather nice, complex sentence structure and interesting vocabulary.

- mona amon, Aug 16, 2010 12:40 am: I prefer shorter stories, so I did find our last story a bit too long, but I liked it on the whole. I even liked the uneven bits and incongruities, because that's what gives the story it's Five-wordsy feel, IMO. The long flowery descriptions made me laugh! I think they're a lot of fun to write.

- Verity Weasley, Aug 16, 2010 6:19 am: Thanks for reminding me, PAH. I totally forgot about the post-story comments. It wasn't one of my favourites, but I did think it got better when we got to Malfoy Manor and I particularly liked the description of the garden. It's a little thing, but the bit near the beginning when Neville said he would go and consult a book and was then 'back from his office' about ten seconds later, really bothered me. I think the common room scenes were a bit wasted really, and in hindsight (a great thing!) there wasn't a lot of point having Rose go along. However, that is the nature of Five Words, and we never know where the story will lead. I did like the ambiguous ending!

- Solitaire, Aug 16, 2010 6:21 am: Verity, I agree with your comments about Neville and the book. I also thought the Common Room scene didn't do much to move the story along. I would like to have seen more "territory" covered in the conversation between Lucius and Neville.

- Potteraholic, Aug 16, 2010 6:50 am: mona and Verity, thanks for your comments. Verity, good point about Neville being back from his office lickety-split! It's good to think about setting up the passage of time in our narrative descriptions. I agree about introducing characters, then not having them play much of a role. We didn't like it when JKR did it, so why should we do it?



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Post  Potteraholic Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:14 am

This story was first posted by Potteraholic - Aug 20, 2010 6:08 pm (#700 of 2792) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

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Potty Five Words: "Professor Longbottom and the Puzzling Plant, Part II"


Neville paced his study absentmindedly. The floor creaked with each step he took. Sighing, he wondered why he couldn't shake the nagging concern he had about Lucius. What was he up to? Neville wondered. I'll ask Harry at the weekend, when I see him at Hermione's birthday dinner, he thought. Until then, I'll just have to keep that troublesome plant away from the students.

Later that day, Neville went down to visit with Hagrid. Maybe he had seen something and could share his observations with him. Hagrid was outside checking on the Thestrals. Neville could see a couple of them nuzzling their young playfully. Hagrid stood, silently watching them. He started rounding them up, then noticed Neville walking down from the castle with a preoccupied air and shooed them away again.

"Hey, there, Neville!" he called. "Yeh look worried. Anythin' the matter?"

"Yes, Hagrid. I'd like to ask you about one of the plants by the third greenhouse. Would you take a look at it and tell me if you've ever noticed it before? I can't... wait... perhaps... during your travels,” Neville began, clearly distracted, "you heard something?"

"Wha'? Start again," Hagrid grinned. "Yeh not makin' much sense."

Neville chuckled at the confused look on Hagrid's face. He started recounting the events of the past weekend, including Lucius' declaration of regrets over some of his past actions, and his concerns about explaining them to his grandson.

"Ol' Malfoy said tha'?!" Hagrid asked, as they approached Greenhouse Three. "I'd be careful... a skrewt don' shed 'is stinger yeh know."

"That's what I thought," Neville agreed. "I just felt like he was putting on an act, for my benefit. But that still doesn't explain this." He removed the protective cage he had placed over the Noisome Vibrissa. "Hagrid... who planted this here?"

Stooping to get a closer look, Hagrid replied, "Well, I was away for a few days. Never saw anythin' like this before. But we could ask Professor McGonagall. She mus' know if anyone's goin' round Hogwarts grounds, plantin' stuff. They can' jus' stroll in withou' bein' noticed, because o' the enchantments, righ'?"

"Right. So that means it must've been someone approved of by Professor McGonagall. So... I guess I'd better head over to her office and see if she can solve this mystery for us."

Later, standing before the gargoyle, Neville hoped Professor McGonagall could explain the riddle. "Puking Pastilles." The gargoyle slid to one side and Neville entered the office alone. Hagrid had stayed behind to finish with the Thestrals.

Minerva McGonagall listened intently to Neville describe his discovery of the mysterious plant and his visit with Lucius Malfoy. When he finished, the Headmistress said, "I believe I know how this plant got here."

"Really? You're sure?" queried Neville.

"Well, a few weeks ago, I hosted a delegation of witches and wizards from North America. One of them was a herbologist eager to study the native European exotics. She presented—"

"Sorry, Professor, but why didn't I hear anything about these people visiting Hogwarts?"

"It was an unexpected visit while you were away on holiday in Sweden, Professor. It completely slipped my mind. Now, where was I? Oh, yes... as I was saying... she presented the school with a lovely Noisome Vibrissa."

"But, Professor McGonagall, it's Restricted!" Neville exclaimed. "Did she tell you about its properties?"

"Yes, she mentioned that some of them were volatile, but I assured her that I'd give you the notes she left behind." Neville felt a twinge of annoyance, wondering why, as she rummaged through her desk drawer, she hadn't mentioned this before. It just didn't seem in character for the no-nonsense, follower of protocol sitting before him.

Minerva looked up at last, a piece of parchment in her hand. "I thought this was it," she said, showing it to Neville, "but it doesn't seem right."

"Undecipherable squiggles are all that I can see on there," said Neville, leaning forwards.

"Really?" Minerva looked confused. "Are you sure? I don't understand. When that American witch, Priscilla Parker, gave it to me, it had specific notes about planting it outside the greenhouse, away from much foot traffic. I asked Filch to do so immediately. The following week, you returned from Sweden, but it was the start of term, and I forgot… I can't remember exactly what happened."

Neville looked at Professor McGonagall intently. "Professor, I think your memory has been modified!" he declared, with concern. "That, or Priscilla Parker's put you under an Imperius curse. Either way, your mind's been tampered with."

Minerva's brow furrowed and her nostrils flared. "How dare you suggest," she countered, rising from her chair, "that I would allow myself to be Imperiused?"

"No-one can blame you. Why would you think it couldn't happen to you?"

"I suppose you're right... but why would they want to give me this plant, supposedly so valuable, and then have me forget about it?"

"There's only one way to find out. Clearly I was never meant to see it," Neville concluded. "Perhaps Harry or Ron can investigate Lucius' Ministry license application? And Hermione's got connections with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Maybe they can discover why this plant is Restricted... if it is. And why this gift was given to Hogwarts in this strange manner."

"I see that it's time for dinner," Minerva interposed. "I'll leave you to your investigations, for the time being." Neville hurried towards the door, a few steps behind her.

The next day, he spoke with Harry and Hermione at the Ministry, in London. He laid out his suspicions about Lucius and his feeling that Minerva had been bewitched. Hermione immediately dispatched a memory recovery expert to Hogwarts to attend to the Headmistress, and Harry started looking through a report from the American Auror Department. It contained a list of American witches and wizards who were suspected of being involved in unsavory activities.

Neville asked, "Is Priscilla Parker's name anywhere on there?"

"Hang on," Harry said. "Yeah, here she is: suspected of smuggling restricted and endangered flora and/or fauna, but never caught in the act. How'd she manage to get herself invited to Hogwarts?" The three friends mulled that over.

"What I'd really like to see is Lucius' license application and what he intends to do with the plant," mused Neville.

"Yes," Hermione agreed, "having a look at that is vital, I think. We could read exactly what his intentions for the plant were when the Ministry granted him his license. I'm going to check with some colleagues and will get back to you."

About fifteen minutes later, Hermione returned, with a grim look, Lucius' license application in hand. "Read it for yourself!" she said.

Propagation of exotic species is strictly forbidden, unless given permission by the Ministry, and... "This application says, Permission Denied," Neville reported, excitedly.

"You think that is what Lucius wants the Hogwarts' plant for?" asked Harry, thoughtfully. "To breed them? But, for what purpose? Neville, is anything else written there?"

Neville scanned the document further and found some notes at the bottom of the second scroll. "Yes... says here that the stamen can be used in a potion that causes hallucinations and mental instability," he informed them. "And the whiskers, when ground and sprinkled into a concoction of gurdyroot juice and liberal amounts of bubotuber pus, will make a person pass gas uncontrollaby for hours on end, speaking nothing but the truth." A stunned silence followed this revelation.

"Really?" Harry said finally, "That's some plant!"

They all chuckled, then Hermione reminded them that they still needed to deal with Lucius somehow. "But we have no proof that he wants to do any of these horrible things. He might really just be a rabid plant collector."

"Stranger things have happened," Harry agreed, "but I think it's much more likely that Lucius is up to something shady."

"Suppose the Auror Squad paid him a visit," Neville suggested, with a wink, "to see how his garden grows."

"Good idea," Harry said. "I'll arrange for a couple of our most experienced Aurors, present company excepted, to investigate and have Lucius know that the Ministry is taking a very hard line against illegal activity of a herbological nature."

Neville grinned, as did Hermione. "All right then," said Neville, standing up. "Thanks for all your help. You'll let me know what you found out, won't you?"

"Of course," Harry assured him.

But Neville received news of the Aurors' activities in the weekend edition of the Daily Prophet. PRECIOUS PLANTS POSSESSED: LUCIUS MALFOY FINED! said it all.



NOTE: * image c/o www.entertainment.webshots.com





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Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 Empty Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XIII, Story #127 stats

Post  Potteraholic Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:01 pm

These stats were first posted by Potteraholic - Aug 20, 2010 6:08 pm (#701 of 2792) on the World Crossing home of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon Forum'.

Archive of Five Words Stories - Page 15 2094220890101455610fGPJRQ_th

Statistics for Story 127
ordered by first contribution to the story

  User
  # of Submissions  
  Solitaire   47
  Potteraholic   120
  freshwater   23
  Verity Weasley   58
  Ludicrous Patents Office   1
  mona amon   30
  HungarianHorntail11   3
  legolas returns   5
The user in red is the rightful starter of the next story. They are welcome to pass on the privilege to the user who posted the second most number of times, who may in turn pass it to the user who posted the third number of times in the story, and so forth.

Total Submissions: 284
Total Words: 1420
Last Submission Date: #696, Aug 20, 2010, 3:43 pm, (Potteraholic)
Total Time to Create Story: 5 days, 1 hour, 38 minutes



NOTE: * image c/o www.entertainment.webshots.com





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 * Five Words - Volumes Index * 

 * Five Words - Main Archives * 
 * Five Words - Stories Index (by topic) * 

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