Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?  

Slytherin Prefect - Apr 25, 2003 12:59 pm
Edited by Oct 10, 2006 5:30 am

(a late-night diversion)

HARRY: "Is that the snitch? Oh, no, it's just a chicken."

RON: "I'm not sure, but I KNOW Malfoy has something to do with it..."

HERMOINE: "Hmm... I must go to the library."

HAGRID: "Has some'ne been killin' my roosters agin'?"

DUMBLEDORE: "It is the chicken's choices which make it what it is."

SNAPE: **cold glare**

DRACO: "Saint Potter, the Mudblood's friend. Potter, potter, potter! Potter's a big fat chicken! Let him cross a road!"

CRABBE and GOYLE: **look up from a bucket of K.F.C.**  "Huh?"

LOCKHART: "A very good question!" ** "I, for one, know for certain because I was there when it was crossing the road, and I can tell you it was seeking my autograph."

MCGONAGALL: "If you students can't keep from transfiguring each other into chickens, I shall be forced to take house points away!"

POMFREY: "Honestly... Chickens crossing roads... I'm sure I'll be seeing this chicken soon..."

FRED and GEORGE: "Don't worry, the canary cream will wear off soon."

TOM RIDDLE: "That all depends. Are we talking about a pureblood chicken?"

(more to come later)

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Ticker - Apr 25, 2003 2:08 pm (#1 of 279)

**Tries to get off the floor several times while laughing HBO to congratulate Josh**

This is hilarious!!!! You've captured each character perfectly! **hee, hee, hee, snort...**

How about Sirius: "Chicken? What road? I'll be right back."

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Denise S. - Apr 26, 2003 1:12 am (#2 of 279)

Is this yours, SP, or is everyone free to post their versions to it?

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Slytherin Prefect - Apr 26, 2003 4:43 am (#3 of 279)

This was merely something I did on a whim. So long as no one touches my Crabbe and Goyle response, go ahead and post. ^_^

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Eloise Midgen - Apr 26, 2003 5:11 am (#4 of 279)

PERCY:  "Doesn't that chicken know that there are rules against crossing roads?"

I love it, SP! I simply love it.

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Carina - Apr 26, 2003 5:39 am (#5 of 279)

Mad Eye Moody: "Chicken? That's no Chicken!" *sets off a couple of blasts with his wand*

Prof. Trewlany: *mysteriously* "My inner eye forsaw that a chicken would pass this way"

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PyroGrl - Apr 26, 2003 3:29 pm (#6 of 279)

Moony: It was the last survivor of the chicken coop I attacked last full moon. -transforms into werewolf- But it's NOON! -chases after chicken and bites it-

I guess the chicken never made it across the road...

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Liz Mann - Apr 26, 2003 4:59 pm (#7 of 279)

Those are just too darn funny!!!

Dobby: That chicken belongs to Dobby's old masters! It's really.... (hits head against the wall) Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!

Hagrid: Now you all forget that chicken, and forget what it's doin'. That is strictly between Professor Dumbledore an' You-Know-Who... I shouldn't've said that!"

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Slytherin Prefect - Apr 26, 2003 8:13 pm (#8 of 279)

Wow. That just goes to show you that you really shouldn't read this forum at work...

PERCY:"Doesn't that chicken know that there are rules against crossing roads?"

**SP squirts Code Red Mountain Dew out of his nose, all over his supervisor's computer, too delirious from the pain to care for the moment**

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Denise S. - Apr 26, 2003 8:46 pm (#9 of 279)
Edited by Apr 26, 2003 1:47 pm

Alrighty, then~

Ludo Bagman: There weren't any *nervous laughter* goblins in the vicinity, were there?

Prof. Binns: My subject is History of Magic! I deal with facts, not chickens and roads! *goes back to teaching class*

Snape: It knew it was breaking the rules and was only trying to get out of it!

Trelawny: My inner eye tells me that when the second moon of Jupiter is in the sixth house, chickens crossing roads are sure forebodings of death among 5th-year Gryffindors...

Sir Cadogan: Excellent, sir! Let us bravely pursue this chicken, or valiantly die trying! Onward ho!

Colin: *takes a photo* Is that Harry's chicken??? *takes another photo*

Crouch Jr: *cackles as he Imperios it to cross the road again*

Fleur: *pouts and tosses her hair* You call zis a chicken? At my school, our chickens can--how do you call--fly across ze road, and zey are more beautiful zan zese, and...

Filch: Sneaking around after hours, no doubt, the headmaster'll hear of this one!

Fudge: You have no proof any chicken crossed a road! You're just going on the crackpot stories of a deranged boy!

Hermione: Really, when are y ou going to read Hogwarts: a History? It explicitly states that chickens can't cross roads at Hogwarts!

Neville: Oh no! That was supposed to go in the laughing potion! *scrambles to get the chicken before Snape sees him*

Pettigrew: *takes chicken and gives it to Voldemort*

Rita Skeeter: "Tragedy descended like a dark cloud today as a poor, innocent, newly hatched chick was brutally slaughtered in a botched attempt to travel across a road to reach the safety of its nest..."

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megfox - Apr 26, 2003 8:53 pm (#10 of 279)

Denise, those were great!!!

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Marè- Apr 26, 2003 9:51 pm (#11 of 279)

I love them! Why did nobody came up with this one yet?

Moody to chicken when it tries to cross the road: " CONSTANT VIGILIANCE! "

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Ticker - Apr 26, 2003 10:48 pm (#12 of 279)

Just posting back to apologise to SP for posting without asking & to laugh myself silly with all the new answers.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

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Denise S. - Apr 27, 2003 2:13 am (#13 of 279)
Edited by Apr 26, 2003 7:14 pm

*blushes* Thanks, Meg :-)

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Asktqa - Apr 27, 2003 3:06 pm (#14 of 279)

Mr Dursley: 'CHICKENS DON'T CROSS ROADS!'

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!!Pinky - Apr 27, 2003 3:57 pm (#15 of 279)

Neville: *CRASH* Was that a chicken?

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Denise S. - Apr 27, 2003 6:32 pm (#16 of 279)

Dobby: Dobby is honored, sir! Dobby did not know sir's greatness that he lets chickens cross roads! *wails*

Winky: *hic* I is not telling my *hic* master's secrets to a chicken! *hic* Winky is a good House-Elf! *hic*

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PyroGrl - Apr 27, 2003 9:56 pm (#17 of 279)

Bane: Mars is bright tonight.

Buckbeak: Yummy...CHICKEN!

Lupin: -burps- What chicken? Hey, it's not my fault that last night was a full moon!

(I guess the chicken didn't really make it...)

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Liz Mann - Apr 27, 2003 10:37 pm (#18 of 279)

Oh my God!!! I'm reading this and watching Jack Dee on the TV at the same time and it's just too much!!!!

*rolls around on the floor laughing*

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!!Pinky - Apr 27, 2003 11:54 pm (#19 of 279)

Professor Flitwick: What a "charming" chicken.

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Asktqa - Apr 28, 2003 11:07 am (#20 of 279)

McGonagall (to Moody): Who did you transfigure this time?

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Liz Mann - Apr 28, 2003 10:14 pm (#21 of 279)

Tom Riddle: "Chicken? It is a chicken and not a rooster, isn't it?... No reason, just wondering."

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Istari Jones - Apr 29, 2003 4:33 am (#22 of 279)

Hagrid (at end of COS movie-returning to Hogwarts after leaving Azkaban) "I'da been here sooner...my letter was lost...some ruddy chicken named Errol"

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Lenka - Apr 30, 2003 11:42 am (#23 of 279)

I want to see that movie! *dissolves into tears*

Hermione: Did any of you notice that chicken was treated like it wasn't human?

Ron: Well, it isn't.

Hermione: That doesn't mean it doesn't have feelings.

Dumbledore (to Hermione): We can still save the chicken. What we need is more time.

Hermione: *looks, puzzled, then* OHHHH!

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Lenka - Apr 30, 2003 11:52 am (#24 of 279)

Hagrid: Great man, Dumbledore.

Lupin: *packs trunk*

Harry: Are you really leaving, Professor?

Lupin: An innocent chicken nearly died because of me. Letters from parents will be arriving soon. They wouldn't want the man who almost killed a chicken teach their children.

Tom Riddle: *sings* Chicken, not rooster...

Hermione: To be precise, by a chicken, we mean a baby hen/rooster. Therefore, there is a chance this chicken will grow into a rooster.

Tom: AAAARRRGGGHHH *lunges* kill the chicken!

Hermione: *shocked* Tom, you're a prefect!

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Liz Mann - Apr 30, 2003 6:33 pm (#25 of 279)

I'm still laughing!!!

Kill the chicken! Lol!!!

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PyroGrl - Apr 30, 2003 11:03 pm (#26 of 279)

*busts a gut laughing*

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Silithos - May 1, 2003 6:26 am (#27 of 279)

Voldemort: What! Avada Kedavra! Only I'm allowed to cross this road!

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Liz Mann - May 1, 2003 1:37 pm (#28 of 279)

Draco: That chicken's such a show off, crossing the road in front of (it seems) every single character in these books! It's almost as big-headed as Potter!

Harry: Hey!!

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megfox - May 1, 2003 9:41 pm (#29 of 279)
Edited by May 1, 2003 2:42 pm

Harry: Ow! *grabs at scar* The last time it hurt this bad, the chicken didn't make it across the road! It was AK'd by Voldemort!

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Istari Jones - May 1, 2003 10:37 pm (#30 of 279)
Edited by May 1, 2003 3:39 pm

A group of drunken vigilante chickens, frustrated at the inability of the Ministry of Magic's inability to rid the world of Voldemort, decided for the 27th time to do the job themselves. At midnight they appeared on his doorstep. Yet, not one would ring Voldemort's doorbell. One strutting Bantam rooster walked up the steps to the door, only to turn back and flee in haste. A large Rhode Island Red fluffed his tail feathers and had nearly pressed the doorbell when a sudden noise made him turn around and flee to the safety of the crowd. A stocky Buff Orpington scratched the ground in disgust. "This happens everytime," he crowed, "We make it to the door, and then we all just chicken out!"

Voldemort heard the commotion outside his bedroom window. He flung open the window, smiled evilly at the foul, drunken fowls on his doorstep. "What's the matter with you guys? Are you CHICKEN!" Cackling evilly, Voldemort returned to his slumber, leaving the flock of drunken vilgilante chickens muttering to themselves about the big egg they had just laid.

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!!Pinky - May 1, 2003 11:07 pm (#31 of 279)

Sir Cadogan: Clear the way! My quest is to help the chicken cross the road!

or

Sir Cadogan: Mangy chicken. *draws a line in the middle of the road* Cross this, chicken, and I will spit you upon my sword and roast you like the fryer that you are.

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Ticker - May 2, 2003 12:54 am (#32 of 279)

Woah - the drama thickens - or is that the thicken-chicken - oh... wait - the narrow road admits only thick chicks.... no, no, no - I mean - you guys are great!!!! I love it!

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Istari Jones - May 2, 2003 3:01 am (#33 of 279)

Where's our fellow poster Scrambled Eggs when we need him!

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Lenka - May 2, 2003 10:38 am (#34 of 279)

true...

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Slytherin Prefect - May 2, 2003 8:07 pm (#35 of 279)

Oliver Wood: "Crossing the Road is a strategy that just screams 'novice player.' It's far too risky a play for far too little gain. I'd get rid of that chicken and bring in the backup."

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Istari Jones - May 2, 2003 10:03 pm (#36 of 279)

Due to the recent labor strike of Snitch manufacturers the Ministry of Magic has announced all professional Quidditch teams will be using chickens instead of snitches. Seekers must follow current Quidditch rules on scoring if the snitch is caught. However, an extra 10 points will be given to the Seeker catching the snitch if the chicken lays an egg.

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Carina - May 3, 2003 12:01 am (#37 of 279)

Fat Lady Portrait: I can't let you cross without the password.

Arthur Weasly: Forget the the road... tell me how a RUBBER chicken works.

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Liz Mann - May 3, 2003 7:27 pm (#38 of 279)

Professor Trelawney: My dears! When a chicken crosses a road, it is a sure omen of DEATH! DEATH, I tell you! DEATH!

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Ticker - May 3, 2003 9:20 pm (#39 of 279)

Cho: I'm sure the chicken just wanted to be with her friends.

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!!Pinky - May 4, 2003 5:44 pm (#40 of 279)
Edited by May 4, 2003 10:46 am

Kip: Chicken, I approved this road crossing; however I want you to realize that you are treading on thin ice with me. Please read the thread "Philosophy of this Forum" and start following those guidelines before you cross or you will not see your crossings approved. If you feel that you cannot follow the guidelines in your crossings, I will be forced to delete your crossings in the future. I am taking my time to tell you this in the hopes that other chickens will understand that there are guidelines for this Forum that need to be upheld and will be enforced now that I have the time to enforce them again. I hope that you understand. -Kip

Steve: The standard of this forum is that we use capital chickens where they are appropriate. That applies whether or not you use Barnpad for editing. Barnpad supports the use of upper case chickens.

I understand that it is considered acceptable on boulevards, roads, and interstates among chickens and young chicks to cross roads without being a capital chicken. This isn't either a boulevard or an interstate, nor is it a road for young chicks. It's a road for mature chickens (of any age). One sure sign of immaturity on any road is poor crossings, whether failure to be a capital chicken or properly punctuating claws, doing a lot of silly stuff that doesn't have anything to do with your crossing (cutesy stuff, like your scritch-scritch-scratches), or using "chickspeak." That just doesn't cut it here on the Lexicon Road.

We don't do this because we are trying to stifle anyone's mode of crossing or to pass judgement on chickens. We do this because that's the kind of road this is, and frankly, we like it that way. We've all been on roads where these kinds of rules aren't followed, and it's annoying. Those kinds of road crossings make the chicken look like a little chick, which makes his or her crossings look silly. The Lexicon Road isn't a place for chickens who insist on using that kind of road crossing behavior.

You aren't the only chicken who has been getting sloppy about this. Every time you see a crossing in italics, it's probably because the chicken wasn't a capital "I" to begin with. A lower case "i" means Italics to the crossing guard.

Kip and I have decided not to be too picky about it or turn ourselves into the Road Police, but every so often we are going to say something. And every so often, there might just be a barbecue. There's nothing like a barbecue to get a chicken's attention.

So this time around, you're kind of the barbecue. Don't feel too bad. Others have had their turn (right, Gyro?). We'll roast another chicken next time around.

The bottom line: please DO be a capital chicken where required. And that means every chicken.

Steve

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W J - May 4, 2003 6:18 pm (#41 of 279)

Funny, Pinky!

Kip and Steve, don't take it the wrong way. We love you guys! Remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

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Kip Carter - May 4, 2003 6:25 pm (#42 of 279)

Pinky,

I loved it!

Please do not forget that Denise P is a Host also!

Kip

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!!Pinky - May 4, 2003 7:25 pm (#43 of 279)

Denise P. To the chicken: If you can't cross roads nicely, don't cross roads at all!

Thanks for reminding me Kip! I think this is what Denise P. is best known for.

I used actual transcripts from several of Kip's kippendo's for his. Steve's came from a message to a particular member that Kip posted for him. Denise P. doesn't usually post things like that, so I had to think a bit.

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Slytherin Prefect - May 4, 2003 8:23 pm (#44 of 279)

Pinky, that was simply brilliant. Wow. Brilliant. ^_^

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Marè- May 4, 2003 8:53 pm (#45 of 279)

Okay that does it, now I have this mental image of Kip looking like a chicken in my head again! And I just got rid of it!

It is brilliant Pinky

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Denise S. - May 4, 2003 9:12 pm (#46 of 279)

Pinky, I was laughing the entire time! I worship you and your chickens! ^_^

Kip, Steve, and Denise P, you guys are great for taking all this!

*goes back to laughing at Pinky's post*

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Istari Jones - May 5, 2003 1:42 am (#47 of 279)

Pinky, that was brilliant! Reminds me of the Snape one I did for contest 8, but yours is much, much better!

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rettoP yrraH - May 5, 2003 5:23 am (#48 of 279)

Fred and Gorge: *Chicken Dance*

Hagrids Mom: Does that chicken lay Golden eggs?

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Liz Mann - May 5, 2003 4:06 pm (#49 of 279)
Edited by May 5, 2003 9:08 am

Pinky, that was absolutely brilliant!

Fred and George: That's one of our fake rubber chickens, you fools!

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Carina - May 6, 2003 4:55 am (#50 of 279)

Pinky, that was brilliant! (and you beat me to it... I was just about to post something similar, but nowhere nearly as good!)

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Asktqa - May 6, 2003 11:13 am (#51 of 279)
Edited by May 6, 2003 4:14 am

And every so often, there might just be a barbecue. There's nothing like a barbecue to get a chicken's attention.

So this time around, you're kind of the barbecue. Don't feel too bad. Others have had their turn (right, Gyro?). We'll roast another chicken next time around.

:)That was brilliant, Pinky!

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Lexicon Steve - May 6, 2003 7:59 pm (#52 of 279)

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Steve

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!!Pinky - May 6, 2003 8:40 pm (#53 of 279)

Bows to the crowd. *Elvis voice* "Thank you, thank you so much."

OK, back to the regular programming -- I keep blushing!

I like the Fred and George ones by Liz and yrraH!

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PyroGrl - May 6, 2003 10:11 pm (#54 of 279)

BRILLIANT, PINKY! One questions: who's Gyro?

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!!Pinky - May 7, 2003 1:55 am (#55 of 279)

Oh Blush. Don't you know? In the original message by Steve that I altered, it said "Pyro." I thought it would be fun to change that to "Gyro" because a gyro is a type of pita thingie with various food items (like chicken) wrapped up inside it. As to who the original "Pyro" was.... I have no idea. ;-)

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PyroGrl - May 7, 2003 3:57 am (#56 of 279)

Well, I thought it was Pyro because you mentioned roasting after and you know...Pyrokinesis. Fire. Roast. LOL.

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Stella - May 9, 2003 9:19 pm (#57 of 279)

Too funny, you are all brilliant, Just caught up on this thread and am sitting at work laughing and getting strange looks from my secretary. Hmmm, was anyone left out?

Stella

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Ticker - May 13, 2003 1:46 am (#58 of 279)
Edited by May 12, 2003 6:47 pm

Pinky - you rock! That was way too funny!

And Steve - did I see you post ROTFLMAO!?!?!?!?!? Wow - you net-speak-saavy-ultra-cool-host, you! (Did I miss the Acceptable Abbreviations & Slang thread? - I probably did.) Thanks for laughing along with us!

Mrs Norris: (licks lips & walks through Filch's legs with a very full tummy)

Filch: Eh, what's that, Mrs Norris? Another chicken out of the coop & crossing the road tonight? Well, at least they let you deal with 'em as ye see fit...Garrr, I miss the old days....

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rettoP yrraH - May 13, 2003 4:37 am (#59 of 279)

Rotflmao sounds like an Italion type of food.

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PyroGrl - May 13, 2003 10:44 pm (#60 of 279)

I can't believe I missed that! Thanks for pointing it out, Ticker!

HAHAHAHA!

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Nine - May 14, 2003 11:17 pm (#61 of 279)

The chicken finally crossed the road, this time without suffering injury or death from the many HP characters who had all gathered to watch previous chickens. It looked up into the chicken promised land...and the last thing it saw was a pair of yellow eyes, before the basilisk swallowed it.

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rettoP yrraH - May 15, 2003 4:32 am (#62 of 279)

And then the basilisk was run over by 18 wheels

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Lenka - May 15, 2003 7:15 am (#63 of 279)

And the chicken hopped out of his mouth...

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Liz Mann - May 15, 2003 1:13 pm (#64 of 279)
Edited by May 15, 2003 6:14 am

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That sounds a bit like the Neverending Story!

...and fell down an open manhole into the sewer.

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Slytherin Prefect - May 15, 2003 6:54 pm (#65 of 279)

Where he came face to face with THE AMAZING RANDO!!!! The two ancestral enemies stared off against one another, until finally Rando spoke...

Let's match the power of THE AMAZING RANDO!!!!, conquerer of Eastman, heir to THE AMAZING SALAZAR!!! against the power of the chicken...

^_^

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Eloise Midgen - May 16, 2003 3:22 am (#66 of 279)

The chicken will win, of course, with it's superior powers.

66 posts, and the chicken hasn't gotten across the road yet?!

May I ask what kind of chicken this is? Just curious...

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Carina - May 16, 2003 6:15 am (#67 of 279)

A chicken against THE AMAZING RANDO!!!!? Now, this I gotta see.

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Marè- May 16, 2003 12:45 pm (#68 of 279)

Can some-one fil me in on who Rando is?

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Ticker - May 16, 2003 6:49 pm (#69 of 279)

Hmmmm... Rando.... Rambo... Roadn.... Odnar.... Rodan... Nadro... ancestral enemies... uh, I'm at a loss, but I'm guessing a cross between Rambo & the road... you don't look very filled-in yet.

OK Slytherin Prefect, we're waiting anxiously for your next egg to hatch!

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Slytherin Prefect - May 16, 2003 7:22 pm (#70 of 279)

I was just goofing around. I have no further eggs to hatch. I just equated sewer to Chamber of Secrets. ^_^ (Hence the fact that THE AMAZING RANDO!!!! begins to take on the lines of Tom Riddle. ^_^)

And THE AMAZING RANDO!!!! is a Mystery Science Theater 3000 reference. You'd have to see the MST3K movie, and stay through the credits to get it. ^_^

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Marè- May 16, 2003 7:37 pm (#71 of 279)

I'll just don't get it then

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Eloise Midgen - May 17, 2003 3:43 am (#72 of 279)

The chicken, utterly bewildered by the day's events, decides not to cross any more roads. Then it looks up and realizes that this is a freeway, and it has only reached the median-strip! THE AMAZING RANDO!!!! Decides that this chicken has had enough for one day and goes off to find one that's more in the mood for fighting.

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Lenka - May 17, 2003 2:58 pm (#73 of 279)

BTW, Eloise, I noticed this ages ago but always forgot to mention it - the nose of your avatar is off center. lol

Lenka

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rettoP yrraH - Aug 11, 2003 9:32 pm (#74 of 279)

Why did the Chicken cross the road....to get to the 10000000 other Lexicon Forum sites!!!!

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Gina R Snape - Aug 12, 2003 2:02 am (#75 of 279)

hee. Good one, Sam.

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Liz Mann - Aug 19, 2003 10:27 pm (#76 of 279)

Why did the blood-sucking bugbear cross the road?

It was following the chicken.

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rettoP yrraH - Aug 20, 2003 5:13 am (#77 of 279)

Who was following the rat.

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Carina - Aug 20, 2003 5:17 am (#78 of 279)
Edited by Aug 19, 2003 10:20 pm

Hemhem... Crossing any road not approved by the Ministry of Magic is in violation of Educational Decree Five Hundred, Twenty Four and will result in detention with Professor Sanders by order of the High Inquisitor.

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rettoP yrraH - Aug 20, 2003 5:19 am (#79 of 279)

Who was following the Beetle...

*puts toe in road*

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Liz Mann - Aug 20, 2003 4:15 pm (#80 of 279)
Edited by Aug 20, 2003 9:15 am

I read one of these 'cross the road' jokes today. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To get to his flat mate.

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Hem Hem - Aug 25, 2003 4:18 am (#81 of 279)

Luna: "You know, chickens don't cross roads nearly as well as Crumple-Horned-Snorkacks do. Dad's last article said so...."

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Liz Mann - Aug 25, 2003 5:46 pm (#82 of 279)

Harry: That's no chicken! It's Voldemort! He's become an animagus! I'm telling you, he told me so! I saw him transform!

Umbridge: Telling lies again? I guess the message hasn't quite sunk in yet. Another week’s worth of detentions!

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Denise S. - Aug 28, 2003 4:41 pm (#83 of 279)

Umbridge: Any reports you may have heard regarding chickens crossing roads are false. I repeat, they are not true. If you hear anyone telling silly fibs about chickens and roads, I urge you to come talk to me about it and we'll get it all straightened out.

Hermione: Chicken?...The chicken...but what--I've got it! Don't you two remember what we learned in Prof. Flitwick's class about the magical properties of chickens? I can't believe I forgot it--well, with all that's been going on--but I mean, well, this solves everything!

Hermione: *goes to library to find a book about chickens crossing roads*

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Liz Mann - Aug 28, 2003 7:02 pm (#84 of 279)
Edited by Aug 28, 2003 12:03 pm

Bagman: Anybody fancy a little flutter on the chicken? I've got Mundungus Fletcher betting me that the next time it tries to cross the road it gets hit by a three-wheeled car. Like that's ever going to happen!

(*Mundungus waits for the next time the chicken tries to cross the road and then runs it down in a three-wheeled car*)

Bagman: *Runs away to avoid paying him*

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Istari Jones - Aug 29, 2003 12:50 am (#85 of 279)

Now, wait just a minute, Ludo, is that a fire breathing dragon, or a bog-standard chicken?

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rettoP yrraH - Aug 29, 2003 4:46 am (#86 of 279)

-*Watches a couldron drop out of the air and land on the chicken*

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Istari Jones - Aug 31, 2003 1:04 am (#87 of 279)

Hey! Where'd that cauldron come from? Does it have the MInistry of Magic's seal of approval for appropriate cauldron thickness?

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Hem Hem - Sep 1, 2003 6:07 am (#88 of 279)
Edited by Aug 31, 2003 11:08 pm

Malfoy, Moody, Ron, Parvati, Hagrid, Crabbe, Goyle, Cho, Umbridge, Lee Jordan, and Oliver Wood, in a rousing chorus:

CHICKEN IS OUR KING,

THE CHICKEN CAN CROSS ANYTHING,

THE CHICKEN FLIES THROUGH EVERY RING,

THAT'S WHY ALL OF US ALL SING,

THE CHICKEN IS OUR KING!

Harry: *raises eyebrow*  Huh? What are you guys DOING?

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rettoP yrraH - Sep 1, 2003 4:56 pm (#89 of 279)

*bouncing cauldrons rain down on the chickens*

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dobbyiscool - Sep 2, 2003 9:56 pm (#90 of 279)
Edited by Sep 2, 2003 2:58 pm

Fudge: We can neither deny or confirm that He-who-must-not-be-named was seen in the form of a chicken crossing the road.

---

Fred: Five galleons fokes! Just five galleons and you, too, can own this road crossing chicken. All you do is tap the "C" on this box with your wand, and it transforms into a chick. At that point it will continue to walk back and forth accross a road, hallway, or office untill you tap your wand on the fowl's beak.

George: Any takers? Garentead to scare anyone who reads the Daily Prophet have to death thinking its You-Know-Who!

---

Stan: 'ey Ern! Where did t'at chicken come from? We nearly ran it over! Wha's it doin' in the middle o' the road like that?

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rettoP yrraH - Sep 2, 2003 11:02 pm (#91 of 279)

Ernie: whooo?

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PyroGrl - Sep 3, 2003 3:10 am (#92 of 279)

Fat Lady: *burps* What chicken?

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Liz Mann - Sep 3, 2003 7:40 pm (#93 of 279)

No, that one should be Dudley!

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PyroGrl - Sep 4, 2003 3:41 am (#94 of 279)

OK then.

Hedwig: Who?

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Liz Mann - Sep 5, 2003 5:24 pm (#95 of 279)

I've re-read all of the above and it's still hilarious!

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Denise S. - Sep 5, 2003 5:41 pm (#96 of 279)

Sirius: Your father would have crossed the road too, Harry; it was the risk that made it worth it.

Percy: That chicken has no regard for its family! Imagine the rumors that will fly around its entire family because it decided to do something as foolish as cross the road! Well, I tell you, I'm glad I don't have to deal with that chicken.

Filch: Thirty years I've been waiting for this! I've told Dumbledore over and over that heavier punishments are needed, but he doesn't listen! Well, *brandishes butcher knife* this time the road crossing has gone too far!

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Liz Mann - Sep 5, 2003 7:04 pm (#97 of 279)

Filch the mad chicken killer! Lol!

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Pinky - Sep 6, 2003 4:51 am (#98 of 279)

Tonks: Don't blow my cover! It took me an hour to transform myself into a chicken.

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Joost! - Sep 30, 2003 1:51 pm (#99 of 279)

George: "Ginny has secretly been helping chickens cross ever since she was five years old... Don't you pay attention to anything?"

Dumbledore: "I should've told you sooner the chicken was about to cross.."

Justin Finch-Fletchly: "I was planning on going to Eton, but there chickens don't cross roads."

Arthur: "Really? Did the chicken use a frattic light?"

Bloody Baron: "..."

Oliver Wood: "The chicken crossed the road because it knew it was it's last chance to win the road-crossing-trophee!"

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Denise S. - Sep 30, 2003 7:12 pm (#100 of 279)
Edited by Sep 30, 2003 12:13 pm

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?  So it could be the hundredth poster!

*shrug* Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I've been here waaaay too long!

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Lenka - Oct 1, 2003 6:31 am (#101 of 279)

Mrs. Black: Animals! Chicken! Scum in the house of my fathers!

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Jim the Potty - Oct 7, 2003 6:20 pm (#102 of 279)

Bob: Chicken? It's not breathing fire is it? That looks like a serious breach of the Ban on Experimental Breeding to me...

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PyroGrl - Oct 27, 2003 3:28 am (#103 of 279)
Edited by Oct 26, 2003 8:32 pm

Peeves: *cackles and inserts semi-truck into the picture*

Luna: IT'S NOT A CHICKEN! It's a Short-Winged Morkee!

Umbridge: Education Degree #8907 clearly states that the Hogwarts High Inquisitor MUST be informed of any chicken crossing any roads!

Jim > who's Bob?

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Carina - Oct 27, 2003 4:35 am (#104 of 279)

Wasn't he the guy in the MOM elevator with the fire breathing chicken?

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Liz Mann - Oct 27, 2003 12:55 pm (#105 of 279)

I think he was.

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Jim the Potty - Nov 4, 2003 8:02 pm (#106 of 279)

Yes, he was, hence the 'breathing fire' answer

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Istari Jones - Nov 22, 2003 3:04 pm (#107 of 279)
Edited by Nov 22, 2003 7:07 am

Well, I've just happened across some of the original drafts from the books, and they weren't quite what came out in the final print. (My apologies, no intent to plagarize JKR, just to have fun)...

From OOP:

Hagrid:' "Oh, don't you worry abou' that, I've got a great load o' lessons planned," said Hagrid enthusiastically, scooping up his dragon steak from the table and slapping it over his eye again. "I've bin keepin' a couple o' chickens saved for yer O.W.L. year, you wait, they're somethin' really special." '

(Madame Bones:) "Your patronus had a clearly defined form? I mean to say, it was more than vapor or smoke?" "Yes," said Harry, feeling both impatient and slightly desperate, "it's a chicken, it's always a chicken."

From GoF: "...and now Hagrid's just shown me what's coming in the first task, and it's chickens, Sirius, and I'm a goner," he finished desperately.

From COS: "Sir - what exactly do you mean by the 'horror within" the Chamber?" "That is believed to be some sort of chicken, which the Heir of Slytherin alone can control," said Professor Binns in his dry, reedy voice.

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Liz Mann - Nov 22, 2003 6:56 pm (#108 of 279)

”It's a chicken, it's always a chicken.”   Lol! Imagine if that were true!

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Madam Poppy - Nov 22, 2003 9:50 pm (#109 of 279)
Edited by Nov 22, 2003 2:15 pm

(Original quote from The Sorcerer's Stone, Chapter Nine)
They were looking straight into the eyes of a monstrous chicken, a chicken that filled the whole space between ceiling and floor. It had 3 heads. Three pairs of rolling, mad eyes; three bright red combs; three dangling wattles; three drooling beaks with saliva hanging in slippery ropes from yellowish fangs.

It was standing quite still, all six eyes staring at them, and Harry knew that the only reason they weren't already dead was that their sudden appearance had taken it by surprise, but it was quickly getting over that, there was no mistaking what those thunderous clucks meant.

Harry groped for the doorknob -- between Filch and being pecked to death, he'd take Filch.

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Istari Jones - Nov 22, 2003 9:51 pm (#110 of 279)

Snape swooping down on them like a giant chicken...

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Madam Poppy - Nov 22, 2003 10:13 pm (#111 of 279)
Edited by Nov 22, 2003 2:16 pm

(Original quote for The Sorcerer's Stone, Chapter Sixteen)
“Can you hear something?” Ron whispered.
Harry listened. A soft rustling and flapping seemed to be coming from up ahead.
” Do you think it’s a ghost?”
”I don’t know…sound like wings to me.”
They reached the end of the passageway and saw before them a brilliantly lit chamber, its ceiling arching high above them. It was full of small, jewel-bright chickens, fluttering and tumbling all around the room.
”Do you think they’ll attack us if we cross the room?” said Ron.
”Probably,” said Harry. “They don’t look very vicious, but I suppose if they all swooped down at once...."

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Istari Jones - Nov 23, 2003 6:00 am (#112 of 279)
Edited by Nov 22, 2003 10:00 pm

LOL, Poppy! How about this one? From COS, Chapter 12

“Fawkes is a chicken, Harry. Chickens burst into flame when they are left on the barbeque too long.”

Harry looked down in time to see a tiny, wrinkled newborn bird poke it's head out of the ashes. It was quite as ugly as the old one.

“It's a shame you had to see him on a Burning Day,” said Dumbledore, seating himself behind the desk and tying a large napkin around his neck. "He's really very handsome most of the time, with delicious red barbeque sauce slowly flavoring the golden, crispy skin. Fascinating creatures, chickens. They really can't fly well, they waddle when they walk like my aunt Matilda, their eggs are high in protein, and they make highly faithful pets, except when they hatch out a bunch of chicks, and then they really get nasty..."

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PyroGrl - Nov 25, 2003 11:49 pm (#113 of 279)

*breaks a rib holding in laughter (I'm at school...BAD place to be reading this!)**

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Istari Jones - Nov 26, 2003 4:34 am (#114 of 279)

Hey, just don't sit there reading and laughing...Write something! (Or are you too *chicken*!) LOL!

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Ticker - Dec 8, 2003 10:06 pm (#115 of 279)

I love the Harry Chicken quotes!

Don't tell me the Chamber of Chickens has been re-opened! Colonel Sanders, you'll be next!

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Istari Jones - Dec 9, 2003 1:02 pm (#116 of 279)
Edited by Dec 9, 2003 5:04 am

Just for you, Ticker

(COS Ch.9)  . . . Attracted no doubt by Malfoy's shout, Argus Filch came shouldering his way through the crowd. Then he saw Mrs. Sanders and fell back, clutching his face in horror.

“My chicken! My chicken! What's happened to Mrs. Sanders?” he shrieked.

And his popping eyes fell on Harry.

“You!” he screeched. “You!. You've murdered my chicken! You killed her! I'll kill you! I'll – “...

..."She's not dead, Argus" said Dumbledore softly, "merely fresh frozen. As I understand it, Professor Sprout has been working on a marinade that will thaw and flavor her nicely. We will be able to baste...er...make her better, Argus." He smiled at Harry and pulled a barbeque sauce stained napkin from a pocket hidden in his robes.

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Liz Mann - Dec 9, 2003 7:28 pm (#117 of 279)
Edited by Dec 9, 2003 11:28 am

Moody started to limp towards Crabbe, Goyle and the chicken, which gave a terrified cluck and took off, streaking towards the dungeons.

“I don't think so!” roared Moody, pointing his wand at the chicken again - it flew ten feet into the air, fell with a smack to the floor, and then bounced upwards once more.

“I don't like people who attack when their opponent's back is turned,” growled Moody, as the chicken bounced higher and higher, clucking with pain. ...

... The chicken flew through the air, it's legs and wings flailing helplessly . . . .

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Istari Jones - Dec 9, 2003 11:56 pm (#118 of 279)

Brilliant, Liz! Wish I'd have thought of it!

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Liz Mann - Dec 10, 2003 3:56 pm (#119 of 279)

Thanks.

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Blast - Dec 11, 2003 3:15 am (#120 of 279)

As the students filed into the great hall, they scanned the staff table.   ‘I wonder who Dumbledore got to teach D.A.D.A this year' was murmured throughout the hall. After the sorting, Professor Dumbledore stood up. “Before we begin our meal,” he said, “I have a few announcements. First of all I would like to introduce our new Defence Against the Dark Eats teacher, Harland Sanders. As part of his contract, all our meals will be finger licken good.”

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Liz Mann - Dec 11, 2003 5:57 pm (#121 of 279)

LOL!

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Blast - Dec 19, 2003 1:41 am (#122 of 279)

The foul fowl crept across the forest floor. Harry sensed the danger and quickly turned around. Too late - - it had started to peck Ron's leg. A quick blast from Harry's wand stunned the bird.  “Merlin's beard,” exclaimed Ron,  “I've been pecked by a Were-Rooster!”  “'You know what this means,”  said Hermiome,  “stay away from the kitchens on the full moon. If those elves get a hold of you you'll be plucked and in the oven.”  Dobby smacked his lips, “Beg your pardon Weezy sir' but ST. Ottery Reds are Dobby's favorites.”

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Istari Jones - Dec 19, 2003 4:11 am (#123 of 279)

I can see the headlines now: "Were-Rooster Ravishes Countryside"

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Jenny M. - Jan 26, 2004 12:31 am (#124 of 279)

Fat Lady: No, "Chicken" was last week's password!

Nearly Headless Nick: At least chickens get beheaded cleanly after they cross roads.

Peeves: What chicken? I didn't see any chicken cross a road. Why are you accusing me?

Moaning Myrtle: You can't cross roads at all when you're stuck in the girls' bathroom. *sniff*

Quirrell: I saw the ch-ch-chicken cross the r-r-road.

Colin: I saw it cross the road! And I got a photograph of it too!

Neville: My grandmother doesn't let chickens cross roads.

Mrs. Figg: Mundungus was supposed to keep that chicken from crossing the road.

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Hem Hem - Jan 26, 2004 5:03 am (#125 of 279)

LOL!

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Acceber - Mar 8, 2004 12:07 am (#126 of 279)

I've never laughed harder in my life and I'm probably going to do it again tomorrow . Here are some of mine:

Dumbly: Here is a chicken to be the new Divination teacher. I hope you'll find him suitable.

Umbridge: Chicken? Chicken? As stated in Educational Decree #76.9, chickens may not be hired without the consent of the High Inquisitor.

Dumbly: But this chicken lays brown and white eggs, and if you'll look there *points* it says anyone may find a chicken that lays brown and white eggs.

Umbridge: It does not say that! One week's worth of detention for you, Professor Dumbledore!

Sirius: Chicken!

McGonagall: Chicken, Sibyl?

Grawp: GRAWP WANT CHICKEN!

Bellatrix: I did not know Master, I was fighting the Animagus Black, the chicken.

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Blast - Mar 8, 2004 12:59 am (#127 of 279)
Edited by Mar 7, 2004 5:00 pm

Hermiome grabbed a broom and the bag. She soared high into the air.  “I think this is high enough,” she said, looking down the ground appeared as a maze of colours. She opened the bag and released the fowl. They immediately plunged to the ground hitting with a tremendous force. Death came quickly. “Oh the horror,”   said Lavender, and she ran crying away from the Quidditch pitch. “She only wanted to free them,”  said Ron.  “Who knew they couldn't fly?"

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Istari Jones - Mar 8, 2004 2:11 am (#128 of 279)

LOL, 'Newt, that last one really cracked me up!

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Liz Mann - Mar 8, 2004 7:28 pm (#129 of 279)
Edited by Mar 8, 2004 11:28 am

Newt, that was hilarious!! Cruel but hilarious!

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Jenny M. - Mar 9, 2004 12:15 am (#130 of 279)

Oh my, Acceber ... "GRAWP WANT CHICKEN!" ... oh my, that's too funny! *gasps of laughter*

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Madame Librarian - Mar 9, 2004 12:23 am (#131 of 279)

“Out, out, get out!”  shrieked Mrs. Longbottom at the poor, bedraggled chicken who had taken refuge along side the vulture in her hat. With flapping arms batting wildly at the hysterically clucking bird, Gran managed to topple the hat from her head. She grabbed her wand and with shaking hands pointed it at the trembling chicken. With a garbled screech Gran's uttered an unintelligible spell that was nonetheless powerful enough to send the chicken cartwheeling across the room, through the open window and across the road.

“NEVILLE, GET IN HERE THIS INSTANT!” sputtered Gran, her hair flying about, her arms still flapping, her nostrils flaring in rage.

Neville, holding his sides so his laughter wouldn't be heard, slumped down against the wall in the hallway. He'd have to remember this one the next time he needed a defense for a boggart. Now, how to explain to Gran about the chicken needing a summer home while Hagrid was off on a mission. Neville hoped the chicken managed to survive the unplanned flying trip. He did hear some squawking and hoped it was the chicken and not just Gran.

Ciao. Barb

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Pinky - Mar 9, 2004 12:38 am (#132 of 279)

*doubles over laughing* Good one, Barb! Welcome, welcome to the FanFiction Forum, to St. Mungo's, to the Chicken thread - you're a great addition to the (in)sanity that goes on around here!

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Istari Jones - Mar 9, 2004 1:31 am (#133 of 279)

Excellent Barb! All your posts tonight are a wonderful read! Welcome to the FanFiction Forum!

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Blast - Mar 9, 2004 2:12 am (#134 of 279)

Wormtail dropped the thing into the giant cauldron. Harry winced when he did this. Then from his robes Wormtail took a vial and poured it into the bubbling cauldron. Wormtail mumbled an incantation that Harry could not hear. Peter then took a large spoon from his robes, and took a sample. He raised it to his lips and tasted. "Soup's on," he yelled and the Death Eaters and Voldemort lined up with their bowls. "You didn't expect us to terrorize the Wizarding World on empty stomachs did you Harry?" said Voldemort. “Ah my favourite:   homemade chicken soup."

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PyroGrl - Mar 9, 2004 2:47 am (#135 of 279)

*doubles over laughing* Newt...ROTFLMFAO!!! LOL! I have tears from laughter.

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Pinky - Mar 9, 2004 3:19 am (#136 of 279)

*choke, gasp, ROFL, gah, hee hee, LOL, snort* Perhaps one of your best works to date, Blast!

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Madame Librarian - Mar 9, 2004 3:38 am (#137 of 279)

I loved it, Blast! What, no matzah balls? Wait, isn't there a book called Chicken Soup for the Death Eater Soul?

Ciao. Barb

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Emily - Mar 9, 2004 10:56 pm (#138 of 279)

Is there? Cool!

LOL, Blast... a work to rival JK herself. In the immortal words of Hagrid, 'An' I can' give you no higher praise th'n that.' Bravo! Bravo

Hysterical Hysterical Rolly Rolly 2 Spinning Dizzy

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Istari Jones - Mar 9, 2004 11:26 pm (#139 of 279)

That's great, 'Newt! And so's your rejoinder, Barb! ^_^

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Liz Mann - Mar 10, 2004 7:10 pm (#140 of 279)
Edited by Mar 10, 2004 11:10 am

Terrific

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Acceber - Mar 10, 2004 11:56 pm (#141 of 279)

Wonderful Blast. A true masterpiece. Much better than mine.

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Lenka - Mar 11, 2004 4:28 pm (#142 of 279)

Go Blast! I'm still laughing....

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Ticker - Mar 12, 2004 3:24 am (#143 of 279)

Blast - you are sending me to bed with a huge grin! Thank you.

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Madame Librarian - Mar 13, 2004 3:09 pm (#144 of 279)
Edited by Mar 13, 2004 7:14 am

Hermione had her nose in a large, dusty book, reviewing for one more time, the proper sequence of spell words. She glanced over to the others--Ginny, Ron, Luna, Harry and Neville--they were ready as they could be. She had to be the last one since their transformations required her assistance. With a deep breath, she pointed her wand at her heart and said the incantation.

Inside her head, there was a muted poof! sound. Amazingly, where Hermione once stood, there was now a handsome, lustrous red and gold chicken. "Cluck?" she said tentatively. "Cluck, cluck, cluck," she clucked more confidently. "Get over here, everyone! See that road? Yeah, that one, Luna, the one with all the traffic. We've got to get across; Remus is depending on us."

In a flurry of feathers and peeping, a disorganized clutch of chicks--little, yellow, fluffy and clumsy--scrambled over to Hermione's side. Hermione cocked her head at Neville, thinking that his transformation was not quite up to snuff, but it would have to do. There was no time to fix it.

"OK," she said, counting beaks, "ready? Good. OK, Harry you go first, then Luna and Ginny with Ron close behind, I'll follow right behind Neville. Now, remember, Muggle cars are fast, with mindless idiots behind the wheel most times. For some you are mere roadkill. They even make jokes about chickens and roads."

Car horns blared. Drivers poked their heads from the side windows, there was cursing and yelling. Some glanced up from their mobile phones and nearly dropped their lattes. Traffic veered, screeched to a halt, and miraculously the chickens got across. It would make the evening news...a mother hen and her chicks making an insane dash across a busy 4-lane roadway. A few drivers swore they heard someone shouting, "Go, go, go, Neville! Yes, I know it's tough when you're just an egg with legs. I'm right behind you. Watch out! Don't stop, roll, for goodness sakes, if your legs give out!"

Ciao. Barb

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Istari Jones - Mar 13, 2004 4:17 pm (#145 of 279)

Madame Librarian, Absolutely Fantastic! I hope these weren't all their animagi forms!

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Liz Mann - Mar 13, 2004 5:54 pm (#146 of 279)

LOL!!!

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Madame Librarian - Mar 13, 2004 7:01 pm (#147 of 279)
Edited by Mar 13, 2004 11:02 am

I don't think they were in animagus form. At least I hope not! I envisioned one of those temporary transformations with some of their human mental capacity intact. You must admit Hermione is so powerful on the...um...mental side of things (hey, even Ron says she's mental), she'd be able to pull it off. As for the others, all they needed to retain for the frantic dash across the road was the magical incantation, "Run like the dickens, so we can grow up to be chickens...run like the dickens so we can grow up to be chickens...run like the dickens...."

At any rate, whatever spell it was, I do hope it's just for this thread.

Ciao. Barb

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Ticker - Mar 13, 2004 10:30 pm (#148 of 279)

Snort, giggle, giggle I'd say so, Barb!

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Blast - Mar 14, 2004 2:58 am (#149 of 279)

A funny prickling on the back of his neck made Harry feel he was being watched, but the street appeared deserted, and no lights shone from any of the large square houses. He bent over his trunk again, but almost immediately stood up once more, his hand clutched on his wand. He had sensed rather than heard it: someone or something was standing in the narrow gap between the garage and the fence behind him.

Harry squinted at the black alleyway. If it would only move, then he would know if it was just a stray cat- or something else.  “Lumos,” Harry muttered, and a light appeared at the end of his wand, almost dazzling him. He held it high over his head, and Harry saw an outline of something looking at him from between the garages. Harry stepped backwards and tripped over his trunk. There was a deafening BANG and a large three decker purple bus appeared. A pimply-faced young man appeared,  “Welcome to the Knight's bus, hey why choo fall over?' “There is something in the alley way,”  said Harry.  “Choo blind as a bat? That's just a chooicken, “Hey, Ern, we gots take out, is the ingin ‘ot nuff yet?”  “Yup,” replied Ernie,  “just put it on the grill.”

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Madame Librarian - Mar 14, 2004 5:15 am (#150 of 279)

Blast, fun-ny stuff!

Ciao. Barb

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Ticker - Mar 15, 2004 4:15 am (#151 of 279)

“Is the ingin ‘ot nuff yet?”   Oh Blast! You crack me up!

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Eloise returned - Mar 30, 2004 2:55 am (#152 of 279)

Nice, Blast. Very nice.

awright, oo can 'ave chooicken for noine sickles, a toofbrush for...

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Elfcat - Aug 16, 2004 10:16 pm (#153 of 279)
Edited by Aug 16, 2004 3:16 pm

Hmmm... nobody seems to have been here for a while, but I'll post anyway...

ADD?!?!?! stormed Draco, " I do NOT have ADD!!! Who would say such a...oh look! A chicken!!

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Stellar Hawk - Aug 18, 2004 3:07 am (#154 of 279)

Neville raised his wand.

The third year defense students watched in anticipation...

“Riddikulus!” shouted Neville.

There was a noise like a whip crack. Suddenly, there stood Professor Snape all covered in downy yellow feathers with a huge beak and a bright red comb on his head. Chicken-Snape opened his beak...

“Bawk?” he said, flapping his wings. "BWAAAAWK!"

The third years fell on the floor laughing until the bell rang. Professor Lupin picked himself up off the floor, raised his wand and shut the chicken back in the wardrobe. "Well, that concludes our demonstration for today... By the way, I think they're having fried chicken for lunch in the great hall."

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Maddest Dragon - Aug 26, 2004 3:24 am (#155 of 279)
Edited by Aug 25, 2004 8:30 pm

Professor Trelawny: OH! My dear chicken! You...have...the...GRIM!

A big black dog bounds up, catches the chicken mid-road crossing, and wolfs it down in two gulps.

Sirius (transforming, wiping his mouth): Mmmm! Delicious!

Edit:

Nearly Headless Nick (with a sigh): Alas, it has been five hundred years since I could taste chicken.

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Little Ginny - Sep 12, 2004 11:46 am (#156 of 279)

Joanne K. Rowling: “I can't tell you why the chicken crossed the road. Not now. But Harry will find out soon, I can promise. When you read book 6, you'll understand why the chicken had to cross the road.”

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Blast - Sep 13, 2004 9:22 am (#157 of 279)

Harry's scar exploded with pain. "Are you all right Harry?" Asked Ron. " Voldemort's really mad, someone went to K.F.C. and brought back extra crispy, I think he likes the original recipe."

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Kasse - Sep 14, 2004 11:48 pm (#158 of 279)

Very funyy Little Ginny!

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Stellar Hawk - Sep 16, 2004 1:07 am (#159 of 279)

Blast: Bwahahahahah! Too hilarious!

Ginny: Cute. Sounds exactly like JKR. Let's ask her about the chicken anyway

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Little Ginny - Sep 16, 2004 1:51 pm (#160 of 279)

Thanks.

Well, of course we'll ask. She might let slip that the chicken is the Half-Blood Prince after all.

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Liz Mann - Sep 19, 2004 7:48 pm (#161 of 279)

Blast, you've brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

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Tessa's Dad - Nov 21, 2004 9:46 pm (#162 of 279)
Edited by Nov 21, 2004 2:13 pm

Thanks for the laughs. My belly hurts, my rips cracked, and my cheeks are soaked with tears. Hershey Kisses for everyone and feed for their chickens.

Cho: “Cedric liked chicken.” Transfigures into a leaking hosepipe.

Marietta: “Professor Umbridge! I know something about the chicken!” Her face suddenly explodes in purple pustules spelling the words, Bawk Bawk.

Annabelle Figg: I warned Mundungus about that chicken.

Mundungus: I vote with the chicken!

Amelia Bones: That chicken is very advanced magic.

Lavender: He’s not a bird, he’s a chicken!

Parvati: A gorgeous chicken!

Lavender and Parvati: Ooooohhhh!

Madam Marsh: More retching.

Piers Polkiss: That chicken almost squeezed me to death!

Dudley: I want more chickens!

Vernon: I WILL NOT HAVE CHICKENS IN HERE!

Good Old Aunt Pet: The chicken stays!

Mark Evans: I’m really the chicken.

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Liz Mann - Nov 22, 2004 12:33 am (#163 of 279)

LOL!!

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Potions Mistress - Nov 22, 2004 5:57 pm (#164 of 279)

Snape: “Your head is not supposed to be crossing the road, Mr. Chicken. No part of you is supposed to be crossing the road.”

~pm

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Elfcat - Dec 6, 2004 6:11 pm (#165 of 279)
Edited by Dec 6, 2004 10:11 am

Alekteraphobia: The strong and unreasonable fear of chickens. I hope no one here has it.

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Tessa's Dad - Dec 14, 2004 3:01 am (#166 of 279)

CMUI 12/13/2004

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

JKR: That’s a very good question. I can’t tell you right now, but I will tell you that it’s more important to understand the timing involved. It’s when the chicken crossed the road that is the important fact. The more astute of you may have notice that the chicken’s eyes were green. I did like the rumor of the relationship of the chicken and Fawkes!

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Tessa's Dad - Dec 14, 2004 4:17 am (#167 of 279)

In case you’re wondering:

CMUI = Completely Made Up Interview

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Ticker - Dec 14, 2004 7:14 pm (#168 of 279)
Edited by Dec 14, 2004 11:21 am

(snort...) You caught the spirit of how I feel! JKR doesn't answer what I'm dying to know & teases me by bringing up more questions. (sigh...)

Molly Weasley: Fred, George... why exactly did the chicken cross the road?!? No. You don't expect me to believe you had nothing to do with this. You just wait 'til your father gets back...

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Emily - Dec 14, 2004 10:00 pm (#169 of 279)

Mr. Weasley: Harry, what is the exact purpose of a chicken crossing a road?

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Potions Mistress - Dec 15, 2004 4:14 am (#170 of 279)

LOL Tessa's Dad!!

Lockhart's new book: Chatting with Chickens

~pm

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Tessa's Dad - Dec 15, 2004 5:46 am (#171 of 279)

Anybody want to barrow my copy of Lockhart’s “Roosting with Roosters?”

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Ticker - Dec 15, 2004 4:33 pm (#172 of 279)
Edited by Dec 15, 2004 8:33 am

No thanks. I'm still reading Pecking With Poultry. Did you know he actually crossed the road to save that poor chicken?

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Potions Mistress - Dec 20, 2004 6:23 pm (#173 of 279)

Really, I thought it was some Armenian warlock? Oh well, I have to go finish my Hen-pecked Potion.

~pm

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Hermionefan(#1) - Jun 18, 2005 9:21 pm (#174 of 279)

ROTFL!!!! Those are hilarious!! I couldn't stop laughing the whole time, good thing no one was around to give me strange looks...here's mine, but I'm sure they couldn't equal some of you guys'...

From GF:

There was also, of course, Mrs. Weasley's usual package, including a new sweater (green, with a picture of a chicken on it--Harry supposed Charlie had told her all about it crossing the road), and a large quantity of homemade mince pies.

Luna: Stubby Boardman is secretly a chicken, you know...

OP:

“...why didn't Dumbledore let the chicken cross the road?” said Kingsley.

“He'll have had his reasons,” replied Lupin.

“But it would've shown confidence in the chicken. It's what I'd have done,” persisted Kingsley, "'specially with the Daily Prophet having a peck at him every few days..."

BTW, Anyone want to borrow my Hanging with Hens book?

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Marè- Jun 23, 2005 11:59 pm (#175 of 279)

”But it would have shown confidence in the chicken...”

SPEW

I might have to make that my line of information one of these days! (If that’s okay with you, Hermionefan)

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Hermionefan(#1) - Jun 24, 2005 9:13 pm (#176 of 279)

Go ahead, Maré. I don't mind .

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Phelim Mcintyre - May 8, 2006 2:30 pm (#177 of 279)
Edited by May 8, 2006 2:52 pm

Ginny – “I've stopped using the bat boggie hex. The new one involves chickens.”

Dumbledore –“Later Aberforth appeared in the newspapers for using in appropriate charms on a chicken.”

Slughorn to chicken –“ ah yes. I taught your grandfather, Foghorn Leghorn and your great aunt Chicken Little. But my favourite was your grandmother Little Red. So hard-working. Would have made a great Minister of Magic if it wasn't for a slight accident concerning Christmas dinner.”

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PyroGrl - May 9, 2006 11:04 pm (#178 of 279)

”Would have made a great Minister of Magic if it wasn't for a slight accident concerning Christmas dinner.”

...

HAH!!!!

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Phelim Mcintyre - May 11, 2006 1:00 pm (#179 of 279)

Thanks Pyro. Now here's one for people of a certain age.

A scene from Kermit the Frog and the Philosophers Stone. Kermit, Fozzie and Miss Piggy are standing behind the previously locked door hiding from Statler and Wardorf - the demonic caretakers. A strange deep clucking noise cathches their attention. They turn to see Kamilla - the three headed chicken. (Yes Gonzo is the gamekeeper).

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Finn BV - May 11, 2006 4:46 pm (#180 of 279)

LOL Phelim! That was funny. I love the Muppets!

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Liz Mann - May 11, 2006 6:40 pm (#181 of 279)

Lol, Phelim!

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Puck - May 11, 2006 8:12 pm (#182 of 279)

Ron:  I always dreamt of being Head Chicken.

Snape: Who are you calling chicken?

Hagrid: I always wanted a pet chicken.

Yoda: The Chicken be with you, it will. (Oops, wrong story!)

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Finn BV - May 11, 2006 8:40 pm (#183 of 279)

Hagrid: To get to the other side. Oops, I shouldn' ha' told yeh that!

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Mrs Brisbee - May 11, 2006 9:58 pm (#184 of 279)
Edited by May 11, 2006 10:57 pm

ROFL. Man, why did I never read this thread before?

Wizarding Wireless Network's top story of the day: He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was killed this afternoon in a freak hit-and-run accident when he was run over while crossing the road by a speeding chicken. Authorities remain uncertain as to why You-Know-Who was attempting to reach the other side....

Earlier that day:

“Hey, isn't that Voldemort on the other side of the road? HEY VOLDY! VOLDY! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME?! CROSS THE ROAD AND MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT, I DARE YA! WHAT ARE YOU, CHICKEN?! “>BRAWK< > BRAWK< >BRAWK< > BRAWK< “... Uh oh, I think he's crossing the road....”

Even earlier that day:

The chicken gazed longingly into the window of the Quality Quidditch Supply. It was very expensive, but the broomstick on display there was touted to be the fastest in the world. She imagined what it would feel like, zooming down the open road, the wind whistling through her feathers. And then there were those people, the ones who were always standing by the sides of the road making chicken jokes. This would wipe the smirks right off their faces, and show them who was queen of the road. She made up her mind. Yes, she was going to buy the Silver Pullet 3000, and take it out for a spin that very afternoon.

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Finn BV - May 11, 2006 11:13 pm (#185 of 279)
Edited by May 11, 2006 11:14 pm

My goodness, Mrs Brisbee!! I think you've got the end of Book 7 there!

Lockhart: You see, it was crossing Diagon Alley to get to Flourish and Blotts, because I was having a book signing, and it just couldn't resist meeting me and getting my autograph.

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PyroGrl - May 12, 2006 1:51 am (#186 of 279)

Crabbe (or Goyle): Do the chickens have large talons?

...

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist that one. As much as I resent that movie, I admit that I love that quote.

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Puck - May 12, 2006 2:14 am (#187 of 279)

LOL Mrs. B.!

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Phelim Mcintyre - May 12, 2006 5:07 pm (#188 of 279)

An extra hand on Mrs Weasley's clock for the chickens. Currently it is pointing to "crossing the road".

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Phelim Mcintyre - May 13, 2006 11:40 am (#189 of 279)

Snape to chicken: You were seen by no less than three roosters.

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Mrs Brisbee - May 13, 2006 11:59 am (#190 of 279)
Edited by May 13, 2006 12:00 pm

LOL. Phelim, I especially liked your Molly Clock one.

I've just realized that on mine, I should have made it Fenrir Greyback who got struck and killed by the Silver Pullet! Ah well, missed opportunities....

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Liz Mann - May 13, 2006 12:26 pm (#191 of 279)

Mrs Brisbee, yours was hilarious!

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Phelim Mcintyre - May 14, 2006 3:55 pm (#192 of 279)

(Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone rewrite (with apologies to JKR))

pg 51 British paperback

“Why would you be mad to try and rob Gringotts?” Harry asked.

“Spells - enchantments,” said Hagrid, unfolding his newspaper as he spoke, "They say there's chickens guardin' the high-security vaults. And then yeh gotta find yer - way Gringotts is hundreds of miles under London, see. Deep under the Underground. Yeh'd die of hunger tryin' ter get out, even if yeh did manage ter get yer hands on summat."

pg 52 "Hagrid," said Harry, panting a bit as he ran to keep up, "did you say that there are chickens at Gringotts?"

“Well, so they say,” said Hagrid. "Crikey, I'd like a chicken."

“You'd like one?”

“Wanted one ever since I was a kid - here we go.”

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Mrs Brisbee - May 16, 2006 1:16 am (#193 of 279)
Edited by May 16, 2006 1:17 am

Expecto Poultronus! The silvery chicken darted across the road, sending the dementor swooping away in defeat.

“You conjure a chicken?” Hermione asked Ron in amazement.

“Not usually, but I'm feeling a little peckish right now.”

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Puck - May 16, 2006 1:27 am (#194 of 279)

ROTL! That's a great one, Mrs. B!

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Phelim Mcintyre - May 16, 2006 2:51 pm (#195 of 279)

I'd take my hat off to you Mrs Brisbee, if I wore one.

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Liz Mann - May 16, 2006 7:29 pm (#196 of 279)

LOL! You're the best, Mrs B.

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Phelim Mcintyre - May 17, 2006 11:58 am (#197 of 279)

When you cross a phoeix with a chicken do you get a self-roasting bird? if so it would be very popular at Christmas.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the gnome on it's back was being chased by Crookshanks.

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Puck - May 17, 2006 12:03 pm (#198 of 279)

LOL! Perdue is starting the marketing campaign as we speak!

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Elfcat - May 17, 2006 4:13 pm (#199 of 279)

ROFL! I LOVE THEM ALL!

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Miss Black - May 29, 2006 12:56 am (#200 of 279)

SNAPE: “Don’t lie to me! You and your little chicken friends are buying chicken nuggets and believe me, I’m going to find out why!”

(from the GOF movie)

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Puck - May 30, 2006 2:32 am (#201 of 279)

Chickens eating chicken? Ewww.

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PyroGrl - May 30, 2006 4:03 am (#202 of 279)

Cannibalism...in odd-land...whooooooooooooooooooooooa.

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jun 2, 2006 10:22 am (#203 of 279)

“Of course the chicken didn't cross the road. It's stunt double flew on the new racing broomstick “- Chickenfeed 500. Part of the new advertsing campaign.

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Puck - Jun 8, 2006 6:01 pm (#204 of 279)

Tom grew up fearing chickens, after a horrid pecking incident during a farm trip on his 3rd birthday. The '80's flick Poultrigeist served only to strengthen his resolve. Years of torment and nightmares lead to the formation of the Chicken Eaters, an organization bent on the destruction of the world's "foulest" creatures. He had marked his army with a wishbone tattoo, used to call them into service. Col. Sanders was his right wing man and had done much to advance the cause...

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Mrs Brisbee - Jun 8, 2006 6:37 pm (#205 of 279)

Poultrigeist? ROFL! It's a good thing I didn't have a mouth full of coffee when I read that one, Puck.

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Puck - Jun 8, 2006 8:28 pm (#206 of 279)

Never drink/eat while reading the forum! I almost chocked on an apple once! (or in keeping with the tread, perhaps I should say it was a chicken sandwhich?)

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Liz Mann - Jun 9, 2006 4:24 pm (#207 of 279)

LOL, Puck! That was great!

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jun 21, 2006 1:48 pm (#208 of 279)

Bane looked at Firenze. "What is that human doing on your back? We are chickens not some common carrier pidgeon".

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jun 28, 2006 2:20 pm (#209 of 279)

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the death eater just didn't get it - the egg had to come from a rooster.

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Puck - Jun 29, 2006 2:39 am (#210 of 279)

An egg from a rooster? Perhaps the DE needed a biology class at Hogwarts.

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jun 29, 2006 8:03 am (#211 of 279)

Puck - according to the original myth about basilisks the egg is a rooster egg not a hen's egg (I know FBAWTFT says a hen's egg by I wanted to be mythologically correct).

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B]Puck[/B] - Jun 29, 2006 12:51 pm (#212 of 279)

Ohhhh, well that explains why they are so rare....Unless it's an egg laid by a hen, with a rooster inside?

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Liz Mann - Jun 29, 2006 3:39 pm (#213 of 279)

It says a chicken's egg in Fantastic Beasts and Chamber of Secrets.

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jun 30, 2006 2:03 pm (#214 of 279)

Yes, I know it says a chicken's egg in Fabulous Beasts and Chamber of Secrets but (puts hands on hips and says in Hermionieish tone) according to Plyny the Elder it has to be a rooster's egg. Honestly haven't you read your Greek classic? ; )

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Puck - Jun 30, 2006 9:11 pm (#215 of 279)
Edited by Jun 30, 2006 2:12 pm

Trevor had been sneaking away to meet with the chicken for years. He was a good toad, but easily taken in by a flash of feathers. He had been helping out by egg sitting while the others were off working for "the cause". The first few eggs had hatched into hens, and the Chicken seemed dissappointed. Trevor knew that they loved all their chicks, but had always wanted a boy.

Trevor felt a vibration. He heard a crackle, then a crack. The egg was hatching! He hopped with excitement. Perhaps this egg would be "The One". Perhaps it was a rooster egg. Trevor hopped closer and peered inside...

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jul 1, 2006 11:43 am (#216 of 279)

Puck - that was soooo good. I'd take my hat off to you, if I was wearing one.

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Puck - Jul 1, 2006 12:36 pm (#217 of 279)

*bows humbly*

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jul 5, 2006 2:06 pm (#218 of 279)

Nobody saw the chicken cross the road because it had an invisability capon.

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PyroGrl - Jul 5, 2006 7:08 pm (#219 of 279)

Ooooh, groaner! LOL.

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Mrs Brisbee - Jul 5, 2006 8:02 pm (#220 of 279)

LOL, I don't know whether to groan or applaud!

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Mediwitch - Jul 6, 2006 12:29 am (#221 of 279)
Edited by Jul 5, 2006 5:29 pm

*groan* - That was hilarious!

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jul 6, 2006 10:56 am (#222 of 279)

Now I must admit that the joke was adapted from a friends, which was much more complicated and had nothing to do with Harry Potter. But why is it that the worse the joke the better it is?

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Liz Mann - Jul 16, 2006 6:45 pm (#223 of 279)

Because jokes are supposed to be bad, that's why they're funny.

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Mrs Brisbee - Jul 20, 2006 4:39 am (#224 of 279)
Edited by Jul 19, 2006 10:02 pm

The chicken tramped out of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, laden with all her new toys. As she crossed the road she happily shuffled her new pack of Exploding Snap cards, which-- true to their name-- chose that moment to explode. Unfortunately the flash caught fire to several fireworks that had been poking out the top of her shopping bag, and moments later the street was engulfed in a window-rattling conflagration accompanied by a shower of feathers....

Later, a reporter from the Daily Prophet caught up with one of the Ministry of Magic investigators who was surveying the scene, which was strewn with everything from gobstones to broken wizard chessmen to a chicken-sized quaffle.

“Got any idea what happened here?”  the reporter asked.

The investigator shrugged. "We're still asking questions, but I do suspect fowl play"

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PyroGrl - Jul 20, 2006 5:03 am (#225 of 279)

...

...

...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry...I'll laugh!! LOL!

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Good Evans - Jul 20, 2006 7:13 am (#226 of 279)

groooooaaaaaannnnnn!!!!

Chicken? Who are you calling chicken?? I'll cross any road I please for any reason of my own, would you like to take this outside buster????????????

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jul 20, 2006 9:32 am (#227 of 279)

After the duck comments on What not to say to Lord Voldie - could it be to join the death peckers?

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Mrs Brisbee - Jul 21, 2006 3:57 am (#228 of 279)

could it be to join the death peckers?

What, those featherweights? Everyone knows they're a chicken feed operation!

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Liz Mann - Jul 21, 2006 7:06 pm (#229 of 279)

Fowl play! LOL!!

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Phelim Mcintyre - Jul 22, 2006 11:54 am (#230 of 279)

Fowl play - I thought that was why chickens weren't allowed to play Quiddich!

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Puck - Jul 26, 2006 12:42 am (#231 of 279)

Well, after the trouble with the original snitches and all, I figured the chickens wouldn't go anywhere near a quiddich pitch...

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Mrs Brisbee - Aug 14, 2006 6:38 pm (#232 of 279)

The chicken staggered down the road, her eyes glazed with shock. When she reached the crossroads she stopped and turned, looking back whence she came with a shudder, and pulled out a wand.

FLAGRATE PERPETUUS! she squawked, and drew a giant fiery X in the middle of the north road.

She thought back in horror at what she had found at the end of the road: an entire castle full of adolescent wizards and witches in training, all armed with wands and the latest fad jinxes and hexes... The chicken had barely made it out with her feathers intact, and she wanted to be sure that she never, ever made that wrong turn again.

And that, dear readers, is why the chicken crossed the road.

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Finn BV - Aug 15, 2006 2:04 am (#233 of 279)

**claps heartily** What a good reason! I'll never ask again!

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Mediwitch - Aug 15, 2006 3:22 am (#234 of 279)

Oh well done, Mrs. Brisbee!

   

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João Paulo Costa - Aug 21, 2006 4:47 pm (#235 of 279)
Edited by Aug 21, 2006 9:52 am



The following is obviously based on the text from 'GoF', chapter 14. My respects and appologies to JK Rowling for the blatant plagiarism.

-------------------------------------

Hermione joined Harry and Ron in the common room, while they did their Devination homework. She was carrying a small box.

'What's in the box?' asked Harry

She took off it's lid and showed them the contents: there were several badges. Harry picked one up and read:

'"Society for Protection of Crossing Road Chickens"...what's this?'

'How could you write all that in just one badge? Why not just use something like... SPROC?' interrupted Ron, before Hermione could answer.

'It's not SPROC! It's Society for Protection of Crossing Road Chickens!'

'Well, never heard of it' said Ron

'Of course not. I've only just started it!'

'And how many members does it have?'

'Well, if you two join... three'

'And why do you think we should wear badges with... Society for Protection... hum... well, all that, writen up?'

'Why!? Why!? Do you know what I have been doing in the library for the last week?'

'Hum... Studying?'

'No!' she brandished a sheet of parchment at them 'I have been researching. Chicken have been brainwashed to cross roads for a long time! It goes back centuries! I can't believe no one's done anything to help them before!'

'Hermione, open your ears' said Ron loudly 'They. Like. It. They like crossing roads!'

'No they don’t!' she said, even more loudly 'And that’s why we must do something!' She calmed a bit and started reciting 'Our short-term aims are to start raising awareness, among the magical comunity, of the situation of these chickens, and also help them by establishing safe zebra-crossings points with traffic lights. Our long-term aims include helping to elect representatives of the chicken community in the Department for Traffic Control. Finally, passing laws that stop the brainwashing of the chickens to make them belief that they need to cross roads!’

'And how do we do all this?'

'We start by recruiting members. I though two sickles to join - that buys a badge, and the proceedings can fund our leaflet campaign... you are the treasurer, Ron, and you will be the secretary, Harry, so you might want to write everything we are saying, because this is our first meeting!'

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Mrs Brisbee - Aug 22, 2006 3:25 am (#236 of 279)

LOL, Joao Paulo Costa! I almost want a SPROC badge, except I think I'm one of those chicken brainwashers Hermione is campaigning against!

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Phelim Mcintyre - Aug 22, 2006 1:57 pm (#237 of 279)

If we all brought badges who'd post on this thread? But this is great Joao Paulo Costa - well done.

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João Paulo Costa - Aug 23, 2006 6:56 am (#238 of 279)

Thank you, Mrs Brisbee and Phelim.

Anyway, now I'll start being busy making 'Society for Protection of Crossing Road Chickens' badges (NOT SPROC).

:-)

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PyroGrl - Aug 23, 2006 9:07 pm (#239 of 279)

Or "Road-Crossing" chickens, in which case it could be called "SPORC". Proncounced "Spork".

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Good Evans - Aug 27, 2006 8:49 am (#240 of 279)

”surely it shouldnt be a "Zebra crossing" but a "chicken crossing"??

great laugh - well done

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Finn BV - Aug 29, 2006 2:11 am (#241 of 279)

That's what I was thinking, Pyro.

Great job, Joao!

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Phelim Mcintyre - Aug 29, 2006 9:14 am (#242 of 279)

In the words of a certain (vulcanised) rubber chicken by the name of Sporck - Live Long and Prosper.

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Uncle Brad - Aug 31, 2006 3:02 am (#243 of 279)

“What have you got there, Bob?”

“We’re not sure Arthur. We thought it was a bog-standard chicken until it started breathing fire. Looks like a serious breach of the Ban on Experimental Breeding to me. And that’s not the worst of it either. When we first spotted it, the ruddy thing was trying to cross the road. We had to stop it with a stunner. Couldn’t let the Muggles see it crossing the road, it would have been a disaster.”

“To right it would have. The Muggle Worthy Excuse Department would have to work over time trying to come up with a reason the chicken tried to cross the road. The Muggles would never believe the truth. Good job putting a stop to that one.”

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Finn BV - Aug 31, 2006 3:31 am (#244 of 279)

Uncle Brad, what a J.K. Rowling-worthy response!! Good job!

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Mrs Brisbee - Aug 31, 2006 4:26 pm (#245 of 279)

Nice one, Uncle Brad!

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Mediwitch - Aug 31, 2006 11:01 pm (#246 of 279)

Oh well done, Uncle Brad!  

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Phelim Mcintyre - Sep 5, 2006 4:48 pm (#247 of 279)

Fudge: "Well, Little Red," said Fudge, pouring out tea, "you've had us all in a right flap, I don't mind telling you. Crossing the road like that! I'd started to think ... but you're safe, and that's what matters."

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azi - Sep 5, 2006 4:50 pm (#248 of 279)

I love it, Phelim!

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Elfcat - Sep 7, 2006 10:44 pm (#249 of 279)

Brilliant additions, all!

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Phelim Mcintyre - Sep 22, 2006 3:13 pm (#250 of 279)
Edited by Sep 22, 2006 8:14 am

Not Harry Potter related, but try this link: http://philosophy.eserver.org/chicken.txt

Question: If you cross a chicken with a centaur do you get henbane?

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Elfcat - Sep 26, 2006 11:23 pm (#251 of 279)

PHELIM THOSE ARE BRILLIANT! :dies laughing:

Where did you find them?

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Phelim Mcintyre - Sep 27, 2006 8:14 am (#252 of 279)

I googled for chicken jokes and why did the chicken cross the road and got these. Yes I loved them too.

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Finn BV - Sep 28, 2006 3:28 am (#253 of 279)
Edited by Sep 29, 2006 6:21 pm


****
I don't want to link to it, ... leaving explicit directions on how to find what you are referring to is not much different than a link. The website that you referred to had a number of politically and ethnically charged jokes on it. I refer you to the philosophy of the forums, particularly the section that says "stay away from the topics of religion and politics in our world. It has been my experience that such discussions are not only off topic but also very divisive and hurtful. Third, remember that there are people of all faiths, all philosophies, all ethnic groups, all genders and orientations, etc. in this group." I have edited out the rest of your sentence that told others how to find this website.

Please use this thread for Harry Potter related jokes on "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Do not tangent off into all the other myriad ways that chickens can cross the road. Thank you! ~Pinky (the mostly invisible moderator that occasionally crosses the road to see what is going on)

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Good Evans - Sep 28, 2006 6:24 pm (#254 of 279)

If you work all the way to the bottom of Finns link - Colonel Sanders is great!!!!

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Puck - Oct 14, 2006 1:38 pm (#255 of 279)

Fans of this thread will be happy to note that the road crossing chicken has just been added to the 5 words story. Not sure yet whether he's on our side or with the DE.

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kaykay1970 - Oct 22, 2006 2:48 pm (#256 of 279)
Edited by Oct 22, 2006 7:51 am

This entry was my 15 year old son's idea. From COS-The Rogue um, Chicken chapter:

“Someone's-tampered-with-this-chicken-“ Fred grunted,swinging his bat with all his might at it as it launched a new attack on Harry.

“We need a time out,” said George, trying to signal Wood and stop the chicken breaking Harry's nose at the same time.

This one is mine, also from COS:

“Yes,” said Lockhart dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish hens."

“Well they're not very dangerous, are they?” Seamus choked.



“Don't be so sure!” said Lockhart. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.

It was pandemonium. The chickens shot in every direction like rockets. Two of them seized Neville's ears with their beaks and lifted him into the air. They pecked ink bottles, shredded books and papers and laid eggs in the waste basket. Neville was swinging from the iron chandelier in the ceiling.

“Come on now-round them up, they're only chickens,” Lockhart shouted. He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, and bellowed, "Pestipoultry Pesternomi!"

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Phelim Mcintyre - Oct 22, 2006 3:57 pm (#257 of 279)

Kaykay1970 - I love Lockharts spell. Which as we know was fowl.

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Mrs Brisbee - Oct 24, 2006 5:43 pm (#258 of 279)
Edited by Oct 24, 2006 10:44 am

Lol, that was good, Kaykay & Son.

I liked yours, too, Phelim, with Little Red. I can picture a follow up with Little Red trying to convince Fudge to sign her permission slip so she can go cross roads in Hogsmeade!

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Uncle Brad - Oct 25, 2006 1:43 am (#259 of 279)

Draco Malfoy looked nervously over his shoulder. He saw nothing, but he felt something, someone following him; someone watching him and his every move. Glancing over his other shoulder with the same rapid, weasel like movement he scanned his surroundings as he continued on his path, his steps hurried in the pale dim light of early morning.

Home was his only thought. Home and safety, or at least the illusion of safety in these troubled times. There was no real protection anymore from the raiders. If they caught you . . . well it was better not to be caught. At home he at least had some defenses, not like being out in a public area like this. Draco quickened his pace as the sun rose to his side, pale and weak.

Nearby a rooster crowed at the pale dawn and Draco jumped at the sudden noise. He once again glanced around and then he saw it, a dark form against the light brick wall of a nearby building. With a wail like a whipped pup Draco broke into a sprint, crossing the road and falling nearly headfirst into the ditch on the far side. Hastily he scrambled out of the mud to continue his headlong flight towards home.

Far behind Draco, soft laughter could be heard. From under his invisibility cloak Harry Potter just laughed as he watched his former nemesis run for home. Following Draco was getting to be more and more fun as time wore on and his fears grew. Harry could have captured the former Slytherin student countless times, but he was having too much fun just dogging the steps of the Death Eater want-to-be.

“Did he see us? Why did he take off like that?” The voice of Ron Weasley came from nearby. Harry’s friend and partner in chasing down the last of Voldemort’s followers was hidden under his own invisibility cloak making the pair invisible to nearly all who might glance their way.

“He just saw his shadow.” Harry replied, continuing to laugh at the sight of Draco as he ran for home. “That’s why the chicken crossed the road.”

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Good Evans - Oct 25, 2006 6:03 pm (#260 of 279)

LOL - absolutely brilliant Uncle Brad - you are good at the atmospheric!!

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Puck - Oct 28, 2006 2:19 am (#261 of 279)

ROFL!

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Good Evans - Oct 31, 2006 8:21 pm (#262 of 279)

I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road - but I would like to know what the chicken was doing on the hard shoulder of the M25 tonight - he looked most confused and kept bobbing out towards the inside lane and then running back to the kerb, methinks he will not make it across the road until at least midnight tonight - but as to the why?? absolutley no idea!

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Puck - Nov 1, 2006 4:48 pm (#263 of 279)

For real? An actual chicken trying to cross? LOL! Perhaps he was under the imerius curse of someone with an odd sense of humor -much like mine.

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Mrs Brisbee - Nov 2, 2006 4:02 am (#264 of 279)
Edited by Nov 1, 2006 8:03 pm

LOL, that is weird, Good Evans! It just occurred to me that in 20 years of driving through rural Vermont, I've had to hit the brakes for all sorts of birds: geese, ducks, grouse, pheasants (just last Monday), crows, wild turkeys, and even turkey vultures. But never for a chicken. Despite seeing many free-range chickens scratching along the sides of roads, I've never once seen one try to cross!

I think Puck must be right, and your chicken was under the Imperius Curse.

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Liz Mann - Nov 2, 2006 5:27 pm (#265 of 279)

Lol, when I saw the word Vermont I thought it was Voldemort.

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PyroGrl - Nov 3, 2006 12:13 am (#266 of 279)

Lol, when I saw the word Vermont I thought it was Voldemort.

Haha Liz, me too!!

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Mrs Brisbee - Nov 3, 2006 3:56 am (#267 of 279)

Lol, when I saw the word Vermont I thought it was Voldemort.

ROFL! A rural Voldemort-- instead of wands, he duels with banjos.

Well, even though Vermont has its psychopaths and ne'er-do-wells just like every place else, I don't think Vermont and Voldemort would make a good fit.

Voldemort: "You, Muggle! I've come here searching for the hiding place of Lily and James Potter. Tell me where they are, or face my wrath!.... Did you hear me?"

Vermont Farmer: "... Yup... "

Voldemort: "Well?"

Vermont Farmer: "Can't git thar from here."

Voldemort: "What? Then you shall die--"

Vermont Farmer: "All right, all right, I'll talk! Don't be so quick to fly off the handle, thar. See that there chicken at the side of the road? That thar's the Potter's Secret Keeper. You just follow her when she crosses the road, and she'll take you right up to the old Potter place."

Voldemort and the Farmer watch the chicken.

She doesn't cross the road.

Voldemort looks annoyed.

They watch well into the afternoon.

She doesn't cross the road.

Voldemort looks angry.

They watch until evening falls.

She still doesn't cross.

Voldemort looks furious.

Voldemort: "This chicken has irritated me far too much for far too long! AVADA KADAVRA!"

The chicken falls down dead at the side of the road.

Voldemort: "Do you have anything else you wish to say, Muggle?"

Vermont Farmer: "Yup. Seems we're having chicken for supper."

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Good Evans - Nov 3, 2006 12:52 pm (#268 of 279)

LOL !!!

and yes it was true Puck - a real chicken on the hard shoulder of the M25.

I don’t know if it fell (flew?) off a transporter or what - but there you have it. It was probably just there to torment me!!! I am pleased to say there were no traces of chicken the following day so I am taking it that it did cross the road - one way or another!

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Puck - Nov 9, 2006 1:42 am (#269 of 279)

ROFL! LV having a fried chicken dinner in Vermont.

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Phelim Mcintyre - Mar 12, 2007 12:37 pm (#270 of 279)

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the hidden horclucks. (Dives dungbombs as people groan).

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Mrs Brisbee - Mar 12, 2007 1:11 pm (#271 of 279)

**groan!** Lol!

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Uncle Brad - Mar 22, 2007 1:10 am (#272 of 279)

She was called; compelled to come by the most evil wizard know to wizarding kind. Silently she walked, her will broken by silent spells beyond her measure. Soon she arrived at the appointed place; the dark broken by only the soft glow of a small fire, a fire she knew would be her final end. She saw him now, standing by the fire, waiting. His familiar nestled in the crook of his arm. Not the oft spoken of snake Nagini, but another, one far more sinister in her mind. It was then that she knew her fate was even more terrible than what she imagined in her worst nightmares.

“Welcome.” The Dark Lord hissed. “You know your duty.”

She crossed the lonely street, unable to run, controlled by the Dark Lord’s dark magic. Near the fire she settled down to do her duty as the familiar hopped from the Dark Lord’s arm, prepared to do his.

With a scream of pain, her duty was fulfilled. Silently she stood and stepped away as Trevor took her place on the freshly laid egg. The Dark Lord would have a new pet soon. One that was worthy of the heir of Slytherin, a new Basilisk - courtesy of a chicken that had crossed one too many roads.

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Mrs Brisbee - Mar 22, 2007 5:31 pm (#273 of 279)
Edited by Mar 22, 2007 9:36 am

That was sure grim, Uncle Brad! Perhaps it needs to be continued:

While evil slept, the chicken found parchment and ink. She worked quickly, then slipped quietly away back across the road.

Early the next morning, the attending Death Eater woke up his master.

“Good Morning, My Lord! I found the note about the breakfast stuff you left by the fire. Here you go, a fresh poached egg and frog legs!”

“You fool! That was to be my new Basilisk!”

“Oooh, I guess I meant a poached egg and toad legs, then. Sauce with that?”

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Tazzygirl - Mar 22, 2007 9:47 pm (#274 of 279)

SPEW!! Nice cheery ending, Mrs B! (Great start, Uncle Brad! )

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Liz Mann - Mar 23, 2007 1:21 am (#275 of 279)

Except poor Trevor.

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Uncle Brad - Mar 23, 2007 1:30 am (#276 of 279)
Edited by Mar 22, 2007 5:31 pm

Mrs. B - THAT WAS GREAT!!! Talk about your SPEW moments, I am glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read your addition.

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Mrs Brisbee - Mar 23, 2007 2:30 am (#277 of 279)
Edited by Mar 22, 2007 6:31 pm

I'm glad you found it funny, Uncle Brad! I was feeling a bit guilty about having hijacked your chicken

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Mrs Brisbee - Jun 25, 2007 1:02 pm (#278 of 279)

.... And then he said, “ ‘Dark Lord? Don't you mean Duck Lard?’  Well, har-di-har-har. I’m so tired of those people making fun of my nice plumpness,” said the duck to the chicken, as they walked down the path.

“I know what you mean. Every time I try to cross that road, I run into them, pestering me with the same question over and over: 'Why are you crossing the road? Why are you crossing the road?' When I don’t tell them they make up ludicrous stories about me! It's getting so I can hardly even cross the road anymore.”   Indeed, the chicken looked quite peeved.

“I bet they wouldn’t pick on us so much if we had magic powers. I swear, if one of them calls me a Squabb one more time….”

Up ahead they could see where the path crossed the road. And they could see waiting there the usual collection of humans.

The chicken smoothed down her feathers, and a steely resolve glinted in her beady eyes. "I want to thank you ahead of time for your help," she said to the duck.

“No problem,”  said the duck. He settled down in the middle of the path, and held quite still.

The chicken marched toward the knot of people. When they saw her coming, they all started to bombard her with the usual questions and theories and demands for answers. She interrupted: "Yes, hello, how unexpected, you know I would love to stay and chat—" she suddenly did a fake double take over her shoulder, and pointed a feathery wing towards the duck in the path—"Oooh, look! A decoy!"

The people turned as a body to look, and the chicken seized the opportunity to speed unmolested across the road. She let out a loud “HA!” when she reached the other side, and the group turned back with a groan of dismay as the chicken sprinted away—a distraction that allowed the duck to also make good his escape.

The chicken cackled merrily, safely on the other side of the road. She didn’t need magic powers at all; she was, after all, a master of chickenery.

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Mediwitch - Jun 25, 2007 1:08 pm (#279 of 279)
Edited by Jun 25, 2007 6:09 am

chickenery *GROAN* Laughing 5 Nice one, Mrs. Brisbee!