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The Daily Prophet: Letters to the Editor

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The Daily Prophet:  Letters to the Editor Empty The Daily Prophet: Letters to the Editor

Post  Lady Arabella Tue May 14, 2013 9:07 pm

The following is an archive of material originally posted on the Harry Potter Lexicon Forum, hosted by World Crossing, which ceased operations on April 15th, 2011
Lady Arabella
Lady Arabella

Posts : 2562
Join date : 2011-02-22
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The Daily Prophet:  Letters to the Editor Empty Re: The Daily Prophet: Letters to the Editor

Post  Lady Arabella Tue May 14, 2013 9:11 pm

Letters to the Editor
Dudley - Apr 30, 2003 3:34 am
Edited by Oct 10, 2006 4:57 am

Letters to the Editor

Sir- Having been an avid train supporter for years I am shocked and appalled by your scathing report of the railway services. I, for one, use the express train every day to commute to London and have never been held up. Shame on you for your false reporting on the state of our national treasure, the Hogwarts Express!


dudley - Apr 30, 2003 4:21 am (#1 of 20)

April 28, 2003

Dear Editor, Daily Prophet

What's all this I hear about violins at Hogwarts? Everywhere I go in Hogsmeade and Diagon Ally, all I hear is about how many violins there have been at Hogwarts since Harry Potter began school there four years ago.

Now, I know the little dear has had a very hard time, but I feel Headmaster Dumbledore is doing the right thing by encouraging culture and music into the lives of our sweet little witches and wizards. We cannot have too much violin music at that fine school! Ever since that vulgar rock and roll has been played by bands gyrating and playing loudly on guitars and bagpipes, dressed in cloaks most decent wizards wouldn't be caught dead in, and having long hair like girls (like the Weird Sisters, not to mention any names!), well, it just makes my blood boil to hear it day in and day out on the WWN airwaves!

Now, I know I'm in a bit of a snit, but culture is a good thing! We do not have to live as barbarians just because we don't have to worry about You-Know-Who anymore. After all, our beloved Minister of Magic, Mr. Fudge, says that no-goodnik is gone forever. So I say - More violins at Hogwarts! More violins! And maybe more cellos and harpsichords also. Our children need the discipline, beauty, and sweet music that only a string quartet can provide!

I urge our wizarding community to take up the cry to promote culture at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! Our cry will shake the Great Hall to the dungeons! More Violins at Hogwarts! More Violins at Hogwarts!

Thank you very much! Sincerely,

Miss Emily Flotilla

********************************************************************* April 29, 2003

Dear Miss Flotilla,

That's VIOLENCE at Hogwarts, not VIOLINS, you twit!

The Editor, the Daily Prophet

********************************************************************* April 30, 2003

Dear Editor,

Never mind!

Miss Emily Flotilla

(With sincerest apologies to the late Gilda Radner.........)
Istari Jones - May 1, 2003 12:05 am (#2 of 20)
Edited by Apr 30, 2003 5:08 pm

Dear Editor,

I am pleased to see that your newspaper appreciates the importance of regulated cauldron thickness. I would like for you to urge your readers to write to each and every one of the 389 countries who do not set regulations on the thickness of their cauldrons.

A concerned reader,

Percy Weasley

Marye Lupin - May 1, 2003 9:28 pm (#3 of 20)

Dear Editor,

I was readin' the Daily Prophet th'other day and read about poor ol' Puff. It about broke my heart. I feel sumpthin' could have been done. There's no dragon preserve at Honnah Lee, no veterinarians, no nuthin'. He wouldn'ta died if he'd been somewhere else, see? He shoulda been taken to a dragon preserve where someone coulda looked after 'im. Why, there's nuthin' nicer than a dragon for a pet. It's a great loss, it is, a great loss.


Rubeus Hagrid,

Care of Magical Creatures Teacher at Hogwarts

Istari Jones - May 3, 2003 4:30 pm (#4 of 20)

Dear Editor,

I herd that Veelas arnt alowd to take the Knight Bus. I feel thats a grate shame as they wud atrakt so many passngers and more busniss. I was wondrin if this was troo or not.


Stan Shunpike.

PyroGrl- May 12, 2003 2:35 am (#5 of 20)

To Mr. Shunpike:

Years ago veelas did take the bus, but after bus #11/1+9=56 burnt down, they (along with dragons), were banned.

Hope you’re satisfied

Zoofios Farmordios A.k.a The mad Greek Zoo keeper (Grrrowll)

rettoP yrraH- May 12, 2003 4:19 am (#6 of 20)


It has come to my attention that the editor of this fine newspaper, after quitting university disided that it would be a great idea to go to Morroco. Little did he know that while he was roaming the foothills of the Atlas mountains, several derranged people blew up half of Cassablanca. Surely the editor should count his lucky stars not to be 6ft under, and maybe go somewhere normal next time he goes on a last minute holiday!

Yours, Editor's magic 8 ball.

dudley- May 23, 2003 2:14 am (#7 of 20)

Dear Editor,

I have recently read your latest article "Poltergeist Wreaks Havoc on Muggle Internet System" and feel I must write to you.

I believe that house elves are being used to perform jobs within the Internet system itself to insure its smooth functioning. Do you not realize what is meant by 'master/slave' and 'servers being overloaded'? I feel that house elves are being treated unfairly and are being made to perform jobs for which they are seriously overworked, for which they are not getting paid, and for which they have no training. I feel they were tricked into these tasks by Peeves, Hogwarts's poltergeist.

I ask each and every one of you to join S.P.E.W. - the "Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare", and also for "Stop Poltegeists from Entering Worldcrossing". For 2 sickles you receive a badge and the knowledge that house-elf rights will be championed. Please send for more information to me, Hermione Granger, President of S.P.E.W., at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


Hermione Granger

Istari Jones - Jun 2, 2003 11:11 am (#8 of 20)
Edited by Jun 2, 2003 4:14 am

Ms. Granger et al.

I strongly disagree with your assessment that house elves are being made to perform "internet" jobs. It is clear to me that the "World Crossings" problems experienced by these muggles are none other than the work of Dementors. Our esteemed Head Master Albus Dumbledore dislikes and distrusts them with good reason. It is my understanding that this "internet" is a source of joy for many muggles. Heightened by the excitement muggles are experiencing over some major event scheduled for 21st June, it is self-evident that the Dementors were not able to stay away and clamored to feed on this aforementioned excitement.

On a further note, any assertion that house elves are employed for anything other than their life's purpose is patently absurd. May I suggest you spend less time sticking your nose in house elves' business and more time keeping your little celebrity friend out of trouble.

Severus Snape,
Hogwarts Potions Master

Gina R. Snape- Jun 10, 2003 7:39 pm (#9 of 20)

Dear Editor,
I have missed the excellent articles written by Ms. Rita Skeeter. I hope that we will again have this talented reporter giving us the news we want to hear! I am concerned that we are not hearing the truth.

In fact I heard the other day that Tom from The Leaky Cauldron is watering down his firewhiskey. I also heard that he has been purchasing imported butterbeer instead of supporting our local brewery.

And even more shocking is the news that Mrs. Brown told me that Mrs. Nott said that Mrs. Crabbe said she saw Tom stepping out with Madam Malkin last week! They were having an iced pumpkin juice together and Madam Malkin was wearing a two-toned rose-plumb robe with gold fringe trim. The fringe was an inch long and sparkled when she moved. Tom might have been holding Madam Malkin's hand but that is just a rumor at this time.

I just don't know how you can let important news like this go unreported Mr. Editor.
Signed, Rito Skeeto

Madam Poppy - Oct 27, 2003 11:54 am (#10 of 20)
Edited by Oct 27, 2003 4:04 am

Dear Editors, In your weekly potions article by Professor Severus Snape, I believed there was a typo. In the third set of instructions it reads: “Now it is time to pass wind over the potion.” I think that it should have read “wand,” not “wind.” Please issue an immediate apology for the error as we are swamped at the moment. Yours in health, Nomo Pease, Healer St. Mungos.

Blast- Dec 7, 2003 8:14 pm (#11 of 20)
Edited by Dec 7, 2003 12:14 pm

Dear Editors, I would like to issue an apology and a recall on all my wands made with unicorn hair last month. After downing a few Ogden's Firewhiskey I proceeded to pluck what I thought was unicorn hair. My apologies also go out to Madame Malkin. Although her hair is lovely, it does not make suitable wand cores.

Yours regretably, Mr. Ollivander, Ollivander's Wands.

Blast- Dec 9, 2003 12:07 am (#12 of 20)

Daily Prophet "Name That Column!" Contest!

Dear Readers:

We need your help!

In order to enhance the status of interpersonal relationships in the Wizarding World, the Daily Prophet is starting a new column. This column will provide advice for the lovesick as well as other personal issues. How can you help?

We need to Name our Column! Current suggestions include:

1. The Cupid's Dart

2. The Love Potion

3. The Wizards of Love

Other suggestions may be submitted to The "Daily Prophet" by Dec. 20, 2003. You will have a chance to vote on the selections given. The person who suggested the winning name will win a dinner for two at Madam Puddifoot's in Hogsmeade.

Nominations are also being taken for advisors to the column. Two advisors will be selected to provide expert and empathetic advice to those in need. Current nominations include:

Professor Sybil Trelawney, for her ability to see beforehand if her advice will work;

Gilderoy Lockhart, recently recovered and released from St. Mungo's;

Professor Severus Snape, well known for his empathetic care and fatherly nature toward his students concerning their personal problems.

Please send your suggestions and nominations along with a stamped, self-addressed owl to "Contest" c/o the Daily Prophet, London, England. Voting will occur between Dec. 20 thru the 31st. The name of the column, the advisors, and the winner of the dinner for two at Madam Puddifoot's will be announced Jan. 1, 2004. Don't delay! Send your owl today!

Istari Jones- Dec 10, 2003 4:39 am (#13 of 20)

c/o the Daily Prophet

Dear Editors,

I like to nominate Molly Weasley. Her many years of experiences of romances of her own, and dealing with the struggles and broken hearts of seven children make her an excellent candidate for your column.
As a matching title, I would like to suggest: "Molly coddles"

With high regards,

Marè- Dec 10, 2003 11:38 pm (#14 of 20)

Dear Editors, In your article on April seventeenth concerning wand safety, you forgot to mention about placing it in your back pocket. I once knew someone who lost a buttock. Constant Vigilance! Alastor Moody.

Blast- Dec 11, 2003 1:27 am (#15 of 20)

Dear Editors, I am very troubled about a recent trend in your newspaper. You seem to becoming very anti Store Elf. We provide a valuable service to the Wizarding community. Who stocks the shelves, who makes sure that the items you need are available, who does these things with a smile, who has to iron their hands if everything is not just right? We are not just ugly freaks who should not be seen, as a recent article suggested. You should tell people next time they see a store elf, that they should give them a big hug. Yours, Steve the Store Elf.

Blast- Dec 21, 2003 3:42 pm (#16 of 20)

Dear Editors, I am a twenty-one year-old female Troll. My name is Edith Ann Troll, and I enjoy midnight walks through the Forbidden Forest, clubbing, preferably something smaller than me, my measurements are twelve(head), and sixty three (leg girth). I would like to enter your contest as the Miss Troll Forbidden Forest entry. Yours, Edith Ann.

Blast- Dec 28, 2003 3:24 am (#17 of 20)

To whom this may concern. I was very upset that you have pulled Broomhilda from the funny pages, it was the only trye to life comic in your paper, yours truely Dolores Umbridge.

Blast- Jan 14, 2004 3:16 am (#18 of 20)

Dear Eds. I would like to let all your readers know that the MoM. is not protecting it's citizens. I have sent four Owls to complain about this strange giant that keeps following me around. Just because I am big-boned does not make me a giant. He keeps leaving trees and dead animals outside my door, and stunning spells do not work on him. The Ministry in their replies say that there are no giants left in England, and imply that a visit to St. Mungo's might be a good move for me. Please help me..

Yours Truthfully,

Gladys Snape, Hogsmead
BTW, I am Severus's adopted sister.

Blast- Feb 10, 2004 3:13 am (#19 of 20)

To: Rita Skeeter, c/o The Daily Prophet Complaints Dept.
Topic: Madame Malkin's Glow Robes

Ms. Skeeter, this is an outrage! Madame Malkin has been a respectable member of the wizarding community and an excellent robes maker for well over forty years. Her establishment is one of many fine shops in Diagon Alley, as well as Paris, Hogsmeade, with soon-to-be more locations. As the owner of a neighboring business and the proud (and perfectly safe) owner of my own set of Glow Robes, I demand that your inflammatory article be retracted! I haven't a clue as to what your grudge against my neighbor is, but what you wrote is utter nonsense. It is well past time for you to report news as opposed to the hear-say and gossip that is currently being printed under the misnomer of an important safety column. This type of report is much more suited to The Quibbler, though I hate to say that after it printed the truth about Harry Potter, who you mistreated so often.

To the readers, I ask your forgiveness for sounding angry, but I feel very strongly on this subject.

To the fine editors of the complaints department, don't you dare throw away this letter like you did my last thirty-eight!

Very sincerely,
Elphias Doge

Emily - Jun 10, 2005 3:56 pm (#20 of 20)

Lady Arabella
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