Home
Latest images
Register
Log inPotty Game: Five Words (Vol. XVI)
+2
Verity Weasley
Potteraholic
6 posters
Page 30 of 41
Page 30 of 41 • 
1 ... 16 ... 29, 30, 31 ... 35 ... 41
story #144
Verity Weasley Fri Feb 24, 2012 3:49 am
after all. Perhaps you would
I have to say I agree with Mona. Both versions sound clumsy, as though something else should follow the 'shrugged / shrugging'. However, changing 'was looking' to 'looked' does sound a lot better. JM2K.
178 posts left
- Spoiler:
- ...like to accompany me to...
Here's an idea for how we can steer this story a little but feel free to ignore if anyone has a better idea. Suppose Sluggy is suggesting some pleasant way for him and Donna to spend the day. Donna asks if Daphne and Arnold would like to join them. Arnold makes some comment about being glad of an opportunity to avoid Professor Dippet, since he wasn't too pleased to learn of his imminent departure to France. Sluggy then seizes this opportunity to go and present himself as the answer to Professor Dippet's prayers (must be his lucky day too) and can then continue to enjoy his delightful day with Donna. (Did you like my alliteration there?
)
I have to say I agree with Mona. Both versions sound clumsy, as though something else should follow the 'shrugged / shrugging'. However, changing 'was looking' to 'looked' does sound a lot better. JM2K.
178 posts left
Verity Weasley- N.E.W.T.
- Posts : 4464
Join date : 2011-02-18
Age : 54
Location : Egypt
Re: Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XVI)
Mona Fri Feb 24, 2012 4:24 am
like to accompany me to
Verity, believe it or not I was thinking along the same lines - Arnold has to leave at once, so Horace gets the job. So, on to the Delightful Day with Donna!
Verity, believe it or not I was thinking along the same lines - Arnold has to leave at once, so Horace gets the job. So, on to the Delightful Day with Donna!
Mona- Hufflepuff Prefect
- Posts : 3114
Join date : 2011-02-21
Age : 61
Location : India
Story #144
Verity Weasley Fri Feb 24, 2012 6:04 am
the Taunton Cheese Festival? I
- Spoiler:
- Maybe Horace has an entry in the cooking with cheese recipe competition or something.
Verity Weasley- N.E.W.T.
- Posts : 4464
Join date : 2011-02-18
Age : 54
Location : Egypt
story 144
Mona Fri Feb 24, 2012 9:10 am
have an entry in the
Next poster can choose the category!
175 posts left
Next poster can choose the category!
175 posts left
Mona- Hufflepuff Prefect
- Posts : 3114
Join date : 2011-02-21
Age : 61
Location : India
Story #144
Potteraholic Fri Feb 24, 2012 10:57 am
{-ir/their} newest category, introduced just this Stalling at its finest! 
Verity, as I mentioned earlier, I had the idea that something would follow shrugging, but in typical Five Words fashion, it didn't.Verity Weasley wrote:I have to say I agree with Mona. Both versions sound clumsy, as though something else should follow the 'shrugged / shrugging'. However, changing 'was looking' to 'looked' does sound a lot better. JM2K.
And I have to say, I agree with both of you about the sentence sounding clumsy, which is why I made the change in the first place. But as I wanted to limit the change to one post — mine — which only involved changing one word, rather than making the change in Mona's post which would involve two words (changing 'was looking' to 'looked' and coming up with a replacement word for the removed 'was'), I chose the easier option, where I wouldn't have to choose another word. So 'shrugged' vs. 'shrugging' sounded less clumsy to me of the two options, to my ears, anyway. I may have to get my ears checked, but there you go. If anyone would like to suggest an additional word to insert to make up for turning 'was looking' to 'looked', by all means, suggest it. If no suggestion is forthcoming, 'shrugged' it is. Thanks!
174
posts
left
Potteraholic- Ravenclaw Prefect
- Posts : 4241
Join date : 2011-02-18
Location : USA
Story #144
Verity Weasley Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:41 am
year - cheese-based cosmetics!"
"That sounds
173 posts left
"That sounds
173 posts left
Verity Weasley- N.E.W.T.
- Posts : 4464
Join date : 2011-02-18
Age : 54
Location : Egypt
Re: Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XVI)
Mona Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:50 am
Cross post, LOL.
really interesting," said Belladonna enthusiastically
I don't know. Following 'shrugging' with something else (like what PAH suggested) still doesn't sound right to me (my ears may need checking too, LOL). It's the 'was looking' that's the culprit. Anyway, I'm quite happy to leave things as they are now and continue with the story, which seems to be moving on a bit, at last.
Wonder what happened to Julia? Hasn't been here in a while.
Changed 'Donna' to 'Belladonna', as it's the narrative voice. ~ Potteraholic
Mona- Hufflepuff Prefect
- Posts : 3114
Join date : 2011-02-21
Age : 61
Location : India
Story #144
Potteraholic Fri Feb 24, 2012 2:22 pm
. "What sort of cosmetic is Great! So 'shrugged' is firmly rooted in our story!Mona wrote:It's the 'was looking' that's the culprit. Anyway, I'm quite happy to leave things as they are now and continue with the story, which seems to be moving on a bit, at last.
Wonder what happened to Julia? Hasn't been here in a while.
On we go!And yes, I was wondering about Julia as well, since she had mentioned at the start of this story that she'd been thinking of this idea for a while and was curious about this perfect day that Sluggy had enjoyed in his youth. But as we still have lots of posts left, there are still lots of chances left for her to jump in!
171
posts
left
Potteraholic- Ravenclaw Prefect
- Posts : 4241
Join date : 2011-02-18
Location : USA
Re: Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XVI)
Julia H. Fri Feb 24, 2012 7:46 pm
it?"
"Well," Horace replied with
... a wink?
Would Sluggy want to spoil the surprise by telling too much in advance?
Hi, everyone! It's good to be back! At the moment I'm drowning in work, and that is not likely to change for a while yet, but I hope I'll be able to drop by a few times during the weekend.
The story is progressing in a nice way. So ... is Sluggy going to take part in a competition while under the influence of Felix Felicis after all?
170 posts left
"Well," Horace replied with
... a wink?
Would Sluggy want to spoil the surprise by telling too much in advance?
Hi, everyone!
It's good to be back! At the moment I'm drowning in work, and that is not likely to change for a while yet, but I hope I'll be able to drop by a few times during the weekend.The story is progressing in a nice way. So ... is Sluggy going to take part in a competition while under the influence of Felix Felicis after all?
170 posts left
Julia H.- Prefect
- Posts : 6172
Join date : 2011-02-18
Story #144
Verity Weasley Fri Feb 24, 2012 9:20 pm
a wink, "let's just say
Well, he's already produced and submitted his entry, by the sound of it, so maybe he doesn't think it counts as competing while under the influence. Anyway, he might not win. He might be disappointed with the results and so Donna tries to cheer him up!
169 posts left
Well, he's already produced and submitted his entry, by the sound of it, so maybe he doesn't think it counts as competing while under the influence. Anyway, he might not win. He might be disappointed with the results and so Donna tries to cheer him up!
169 posts left
Verity Weasley- N.E.W.T.
- Posts : 4464
Join date : 2011-02-18
Age : 54
Location : Egypt
Story #144
Potteraholic Sat Feb 25, 2012 12:48 am
that while cheese is one Maybe cheese is not the main ingredient. Julia H. wrote:The story is progressing in a nice way. So ... is Sluggy going to take part in a competition while under the influence of Felix Felicis after all?
It's taken us long enough to get to this delightful day that Sluggy remembers, so let's just turn a blind eye to the rules of Felix Felicis and get on with this date. I don't think we need to mention anything about him being under the influence of Felix while entering his chees-y cosmetic in this event. We just needed somewhere for them to go... I don't think the particulars of the competition matter that much, do they? And is this a double date? Or does Sluggy try to ditch Daphne and the young professor? 168
posts
left
Potteraholic- Ravenclaw Prefect
- Posts : 4241
Join date : 2011-02-18
Location : USA
story 144
Mona Sat Feb 25, 2012 4:18 am
of the ingredients, it's not
PAH, I think Arnold has to stick around long enough to give Sluggie some useful info about the job he's after. After that I guess they can ditch them.
167 posts left
PAH, I think Arnold has to stick around long enough to give Sluggie some useful info about the job he's after. After that I guess they can ditch them.
167 posts left
Mona- Hufflepuff Prefect
- Posts : 3114
Join date : 2011-02-21
Age : 61
Location : India
Story #144
Verity Weasley Sat Feb 25, 2012 5:18 am
the only one. My skin
The plan is...
The plan is...
- Spoiler:
- for Donna to invite Daphne and Arnold along, giving Arnold an opportunity to remark how he would be glad to get away from Professor Dippet for the day, as he's not in his good books, having given notice of his sudden departure. This, in turn, gives Horace the opportunity he needs to 'seize the day' with Professor Dippet. We may not even get to the cheese festival!
However, this is just an idea and an attempt to help the story along and keep it moving. Diversions and departures from this 'plan' are absolutely fine.
Verity Weasley- N.E.W.T.
- Posts : 4464
Join date : 2011-02-18
Age : 54
Location : Egypt
Story #144
Julia H. Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:50 am
is sensitive to certain magical
I hope this works. Perhaps the cheese neutralizes magical allergens?
PAH wrote:
Let's hope it is not the ingredient that determines the fragrance.
165 posts left.
I hope this works.
Perhaps the cheese neutralizes magical allergens?PAH wrote:
Maybe cheese is not the main ingredient.
Let's hope it is not the ingredient that determines the fragrance.
165 posts left.
Julia H.- Prefect
- Posts : 6172
Join date : 2011-02-18
Story #144
Potteraholic Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:04 am
substances. My cream soothes it I suppose it tastes good, too.
We don't need much more about this concoction then, do we? Then on to inviting Daphne and Arnold, and the whole mentioning the job bit, I should think.We have 164 posts left to fit this plan into, and still have a bit of a delightful day with Donna. It's taken 236 posts to get this far... Felix felicis to us!
EDIT: It would be great if we could stick to the usual 400 post/2000 word maximum story length, as overly long stories can become hard to manage.
164
posts
left
Potteraholic- Ravenclaw Prefect
- Posts : 4241
Join date : 2011-02-18
Location : USA
Story #144
Julia H. Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:37 am
wonderfully."
"Professor Dippet would surely
Arnold speaking, I guess. -->
163 posts left.
"Professor Dippet would surely
- Spoiler:
- .... be interested?
Arnold speaking, I guess. -->
- Spoiler:
- Perhaps Professor Dippet needs a potions master who can make anti-allergic concoctions?
163 posts left.
Julia H.- Prefect
- Posts : 6172
Join date : 2011-02-18
Story #144
Verity Weasley Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:42 am
be interested in something like
Perhaps it's good with the after-effects of Spattergroit too!
162 posts left
Perhaps it's good with the after-effects of Spattergroit too!
162 posts left
Verity Weasley- N.E.W.T.
- Posts : 4464
Join date : 2011-02-18
Age : 54
Location : Egypt
Julia H.- Prefect
- Posts : 6172
Join date : 2011-02-18
Verity Weasley- N.E.W.T.
- Posts : 4464
Join date : 2011-02-18
Age : 54
Location : Egypt
Story #144
Julia H. Sat Feb 25, 2012 10:22 am
he's currently looking for a(n)
... expert?
Poor Professor Dippet...
159 posts left
... expert?
Poor Professor Dippet...
159 posts left
Julia H.- Prefect
- Posts : 6172
Join date : 2011-02-18
Story #144
Verity Weasley Sat Feb 25, 2012 10:40 am
effective treatment for his rash."
158 posts left
158 posts left
Verity Weasley- N.E.W.T.
- Posts : 4464
Join date : 2011-02-18
Age : 54
Location : Egypt
story 144
Mona Sat Feb 25, 2012 11:23 am
"I see," said Horace, stroking
157 posts left
- Spoiler:
- his moustache thoughtfully... is what I was thinking
157 posts left
Mona- Hufflepuff Prefect
- Posts : 3114
Join date : 2011-02-21
Age : 61
Location : India
Story #144
Julia H. Sat Feb 25, 2012 11:51 am
his moustache thoughtfully. Little Felix
I italicized "little Felix" in case it was the beginning of something Horace was thinking to himself.
156 posts left
I italicized "little Felix" in case it was the beginning of something Horace was thinking to himself.
156 posts left
Julia H.- Prefect
- Posts : 6172
Join date : 2011-02-18
Story #144
Potteraholic Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:25 pm
, my fine fortuitous friend, I A little alliteration always helps to fill up five words nicely. Not sure what you had in mind to follow 'Little Felix', Julia, but I imagined that Sluggy was addressing 'him' as an old friend. Hope that works!(Dunno what he's meant to be saying to him, tho'. I'm sure the next poster will figure it out!
) 155
posts
left
Potteraholic- Ravenclaw Prefect
- Posts : 4241
Join date : 2011-02-18
Location : USA
Story #144
Julia H. Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:36 pm
know exactly what you want
LOL, PAH, I only meant something like Horace thinking of how 'little Felix' was guiding his steps and telling him what to do again and again or how thankful he was to 'Felix" etc.
154 posts left
- Spoiler:
- ... me to do?
LOL, PAH, I only meant something like Horace thinking of how 'little Felix' was guiding his steps and telling him what to do again and again or how thankful he was to 'Felix" etc.
154 posts left
Julia H.- Prefect
- Posts : 6172
Join date : 2011-02-18
Page 30 of 41 • 1 ... 16 ... 29, 30, 31 ... 35 ... 41
Similar topics» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XIX)
» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XX)
» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XVII)
» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XV)
» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XIV)
» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XX)
» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XVII)
» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XV)
» Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XIV)
Page 30 of 41
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum|
|
|