Potty Game: Five Words (Vol. XVI)

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Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Thu Mar 22, 2012 8:15 pm

   found a seat in the                

EDIT: I had 5 other words before, but changed them, as they seemed to indicate that our protagonist had remained standing in the boat.

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story #145

Post  Verity Weasley on Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:11 pm

middle. There were no oars

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Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:20 pm

   , but the boat started moving                

,

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Story 145

Post  Mona on Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:15 am

suddenly, carrying us swiftly towards

The castle is visible from the lake. They get their first glimpse of it when they turn a bend in the path leading towards the lake.

----------

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Just read Horace's Lucky Day. Not among our best, I guess. Julia's initial idea was a good one, and I think we succeeded in that part of it at least. Horace certainly has a very nice time, even if the reader of the story doesn't.

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Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:08 am

   the castle. It looked even                 ... more...

My inclusion of 'even (more)' was to indicate that our protagonist might have caught a glimpse of the castle before boarding the boat.

4/5 of the story is done! bounce And now, time to head towards the conclusion!

And a 3rd set of post-story comments! cheers Dare I hope for a 4th? So I could update the 'post-story comments' post all in one fell swoop?


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Story #145

Post  Verity Weasley on Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:45 am

more impressive, towering above us

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Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:34 am

   , higher than before.

I jumped
               

Just 40 words left!

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Story #145

Post  Julia H. on Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:14 am

with excitement, just as the

OK, here is the fourth set of comments: I'm glad that Mona does not think that the idea was a bad one. I agree that the story could be more entertaining... When I suggested Horace and the Felix Felicis as the subject of the story, I was thinking of a sort of comedy, in which the character's comical potential could be exploited. But we may be a bit too serious people for that - we did not really let Horace defy the usual conventions or use his Slytherin cunning on his lucky day. Oh, well, I'd better leave plot suggestions to others I guess (which I normally do anyway). In any case, we bravely got to the end of the story, and Horace did have a good time...

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Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:34 am

   boat reached the shore. I                

Thanks for your comments, Julia! Re: "But we may be a bit too serious people for that - we did not really let Horace defy the usual conventions or use his Slytherin cunning on his lucky day." Dunno, we've written some pretty humorous stories over the years. And I didn't get that idea about us trying to write Horace defying the usual conventions, etc. from your initial posts when the story started, which I thought was were more about how Horace had spent his perfect day. But I wasn't posting as much as I usually do in the first half of the story, so I must've missed those notes. I was more involved in the 2nd half of the story.

Now, on to updating that post-story comments post!


EDIT: Done!

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Last edited by Potteraholic on Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:30 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Story #145

Post  Verity Weasley on Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:24 pm

couldn't believe I was really

It took us two months to write that last story and while we all agree that it wasn't one of our best, two out of the four of us seem to think it was pretty rubbish! The end result shouldn't have come as a surprise to any of us, and in a two-month-long story there was plenty of time to change the direction of the story. I do agree that the second half of the story got better, as I think we all realised as we were writing it that we were struggling for direction, but there actually weren't many suggestions posted to help give some shape to the story, and none that were overtly comedic in nature - except for the frivolous mention of the cheese festival and the cheese cosmetics . I guess the point is, that when we're writing a story and we can feel it becoming a bit ho-hum, we should post any suggestions we have for improving it. While we do sometimes have moments of 'great minds thinking alike' we can't assume that others will know what we're thinking, so if you have ideas, you should share them while there's still time to incorporate them.

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Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:17 pm

   here... Hogwarts! The castle doors                

Verity, I'm all for improvising and not planning when we write these stories five words at a time, but I agree, sometimes we need a specific outline to keep things going, especially when the posting pace is very slow, so I jumped in with an outline when the story was nearing the 6 week mark. I was worried the story would go on for another 6 weeks, and go way over 2,000 words! Compiling and tallying the number of posts for that sort of epic is something I wanted to avoid like a case of spattergroit! So, when needs must, posting comments with specific ideas is absolutely encouraged. cheers

Just 20 more words to go! bounce


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Last edited by Potteraholic on Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Story #145

Post  Verity Weasley on Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:33 pm

stood before us, imposing and

Yes, PAH, I agree. The fun of writing these stories is that we often don't know what's going to happen next, but sometimes it's obvious that the story is really meandering and none of us are really sure where to take it, so in those cases I think it really helps to have some sort of outline.

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Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:52 pm

   mysterious. I wondered what I'd                 ... see, find, etc.

Just 10 more words to go! bounce bounce


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Story #145

Post  Verity Weasley on Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:04 pm

find inside and what adventures

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Edit: That's a very fitting ending, PAH. An ending that's also a beginning.


Last edited by Verity Weasley on Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:09 pm

   I'd have from now on.                

Hope this is a fitting ending! Verity, what do you think? Could you let me know in an edit in your previous post?

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=======================================================

Thanks, Verity! Okay, so I declare Story #145, our first 50 posts/250 words story, officially F I N I S H E D ! The finished story and stats will be posted sometime in the next several days, or so. Possibly sooner, but I can't be sure.

As is customary, this thread will be locked until the official story is posted to conserve posts to maximize this thread's capacity.

Stay tuned! Smile

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Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XVI, Story #145

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:40 am



Potty Five Words: "The Magic Begins"

I stepped down from the train, following closely the curly-haired twins in front of me. Steam swirled around the crowded platform and I couldn't see anything. Panic fought with excitement as I tried to find a friendly face. Everything was unfamiliar. But amazing, too, like an incredible dream. Ever since I received my acceptance letter, I've been imagining this moment.

Suddenly, a giant man appeared! He was shepherding first-years towards a steep, narrow path. I joined the line quickly and was relieved to see some bright lanterns lighting the way. I tripped, unused to wearing robes, but Hagrid caught me before I fell, picking me up with his giant hands. I checked my pocket to make sure my elf owl was safe. Toffee was fast asleep in his 'nest'.

The path led down to a lake where many small boats bobbed gently in the inky-black water. I tried to get closer, to board the first boat. The shore was, however, very slippery, and I nearly lost my footing again. I stepped into the second boat with the curly-haired twins and found a seat in the middle. There were no oars, but the boat started moving suddenly, carrying us swiftly towards the castle. It looked even more impressive, towering above us, higher than before.

I jumped with excitement, just as the boat reached the shore. I couldn't believe I was really here... Hogwarts! The castle doors stood before us, imposing and mysterious. I wondered what I'd find inside and what adventures I'd have from now on.





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Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XVI, Story #145 stats

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:04 pm



Statistics for Story 145
ordered by first contribution to the story

  User  
  # of  
  Submissions  
  Verity Weasley     19  
  Julia H.     7  
  Potteraholic   23  
  Mona     2  
The user in red is the rightful starter of the next story. They are welcome to pass on the privilege to the user who posted the second most number of times.

Total Submissions: 51
Total Words: 255
Last Submission Date:Mar 23, 2012 10:09 pm (EST). (Potteraholic)
Total Time to Create Story: 4 days, 2 hours, 27 minutes





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Archive of Five Words Stories - Volume XVI, Story #144 post-story comments

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:18 pm



Post-Story Comments for Story #145, Volume XVI,
Potty Five Words: "The Magic Begins"

This story was written from March 19, 2012 to March 23, 2012. Four writers contributed to the story, which is 255 words long. --- of the four writers posted feedback. All times listed are EST.

- name, m/d/, 2012 -:-- -m:

- name, m/d/, 2012 -:-- -m:

- name, m/d/, 2012 -:-- -m:

- name, m/d/, 2012 -:-- -m:

- name, m/d/, 2012 -:-- -m:





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Story#146

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:09 pm

   .                

Story #145 is up! Right on the heels of Story #144! Not surprising for a story of 50 posts/250 words. Or should I say, a story that was supposed to have 50 posts/250 words, but has 1 post/5 words extra! Oh no! We have 51 posts and 255 words in this story all because I got the countdown wrong in this post. Where I should have written '19 posts left' instead of the 20 that I wrote. Many apologies, folks! I will try harder this time to get my numbers straight.

I think this story worked out quite well, given our post limits, but then, I would say that, having written quite a few of the words. But all kidding aside, I think we were able to establish that the protagonist was a Muggle-born at the start of his/her time at Hogwarts. I did wonder who this protagonist was (and the curly-haired twins ), but not knowing their identities did not detract from my appreciation of this vignette. It was also fun to write a whole story in the first person.

Now, for this next 50 posts/250 words story, the last one of this thread, I thought it might be fun to go back to the beginning, with the trio.

I've always loved this line from PS/SS:

But from that moment on, Hermione Granger became their friend. There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.

I've included the Lexicon's notes about this chapter and a bit of the following chapter, in a spoiler box to save space, to give some background for the vignette I'm thinking we could write now:

Spoiler:


So I thought we could write a short bit of conversation between the with Hermione helping Harry and Ron cheat on their homework, or talking about Quidditch, or a conversation about the troll, or Potions class, etc., over a meal in the GH. I don't have my copy of PS/SS to see what's been written already after the trio bonded post-troll incident, but we could just write an alternate version of whatever happened after that. I know we have limited posts, but we all know the characters well, who don't have to be explained, so the content should be easy enough for us to come up with.

Here we go!



Harry, Ron, and Hermione were                

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Story #146

Post  Verity Weasley on Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:46 pm

eating lunch in the Great

Thanks for getting the story and stats up quickly PAH. Oops about that extra post! It was fun to write a very short story and I enjoyed the change of perspective. We were able to write about a familiar scene without worrying about who the characters were. When I started the story I was imagining it would be a scene which focused on feelings and emotions rather than action, and we probably didn't go as deeply into the feelings and inner thoughts as we could have, but for our first attempt at a very short story I think we did an admirable job. Of course, I also didn't say we should concentrate on their feelings in my notes for the story so no one else would have known I was thinking that! And that's OK, since I was open to see where the story went anyway.

I must go, so I'll comment more about this new story in my next post.

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Story#146

Post  Potteraholic on Sun Mar 25, 2012 10:00 pm

   Hall the day after conquering                

Spoiler:
... the troll in the dungeon.

Thanks for your comments, Verity! The one below has me . So I'm looking forward to seeing the comments in your next post!


Verity Weasley wrote:I must go, so I'll comment more about this new story in my next post.
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story 146

Post  Mona on Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:08 am


the troll in the toilet.

The little story was very nice. I liked the little details like tripping on robes which the new student wasn't used to. Gave the story, short as it was, a certain authenticity. I liked the ending too, where he/she stands looking at the door and wonders what lies ahead. BTW, I didn't think the Slughorn story was rubbish. Just not one of our best.

Good job getting the story up and the new story started so soon, PAH!

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Last edited by Mona on Thu Mar 29, 2012 8:39 am; edited 1 time in total

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Story #146

Post  Verity Weasley on Mon Mar 26, 2012 6:31 am

Hermione was trying to explain

Sorry for making you PAH. I was posting this morning while I was having breakfast and I suddenly realised it was time I was leaving so I didn't have time to say anything else. I was only going to add that it was a great idea for a story vignette, but it will probably be a real challenge for us to keep it succinct. We'll have to work hard to make every word count.

By the way, I also meant to say that I really liked the simple title you chose for our last story.

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Story#146

Post  Potteraholic on Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:43 am

   the Potions essay Professor Snape                

Thanks for your comments, Mona and Verity! And PHEW, Verity! It was just a case of you being pressed for time. I do know that feeling well.

I agree, Verity, it will be challenging to be succinct in this story. But I'm sure we'll be able to rise to the occasion and choose specific nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. to move the story forward efficiently, and also avoid including superfluous plot details. Now, if only that sentence was succinct!


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Story #146

Post  Verity Weasley on Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:48 am

had assigned them earlier.

"It's




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